Posts by Sojourn

71

I would like to hear your experiences with being SHUNNED

by jwfacts in

i am going to put together a page of short experiences of how shunning has affected exjws.

you do not have to be disfellowshipped, even if you were shunned after being marked or after fading.

all comments are welcome, such as who shunned you, how long since family have spoken to you, what your situation is, why you are being shunned and how it has made you feel.

Sojourn

I'm so sorry to everyone who has posted their stories of hardship. I was disfellowshipped twice, reinstated twice, and now, have faded. Yes, it was very hard to be shunned twice, before turning 18.

The only things I have been reading that I don't completely understand are stories of people who say how shocked and surprised they were when the smallest kindness wasn't shown to them by their former friends. As Witnesses, we were trained for this shunning, weren't we? How can we be surprised? None of us are the one special little snowflake. We're the rule, not the exception. When we find ourselves on the "outside" for any reason, yes, we'll be shunned because the WTS is in control and the Witnesses have been programmed to their exact specifications.

Personally I feel that with high-control cults like this, try as you might to reason with the person, they are not there. There is no one home. All you are doing is talking to the organization who trained them (if they are devout). Six months ago, I would have probably had a heart attack to hear myself say such things (my deprogramming is very recent...) but it must be said. I knew some smart, funny awesome people in my old congregations who would be SO ANGRY if they took the time to research the things that we have, but may never find these things out. Instead of feeling sorry for myself anymore, I just feel sorry for them; and especially their children.

Needless to say, I am so embarrassed now to think of the things I thought, said, taught and did. There is nothing I can do to go back and repair the deep hurt I've inflicted on others when I was a Witness and shunned others, but I am trying to replace my knock-off brand of love with true love's acceptance. Being raised as a Witness, naturally I was not trained to show love to all and to judge none, but I am trying to teach myself those qualities now.

24

Did your Kingdom Hall have kitchen?

by asilentone in

someone told me there are few kingdom halls with kitchens, i was surprised about it.

.

Sojourn

Ours had an Apartment...... the society stopped letting anyone rent them, because a Pioneer Couple left the truth, but were renting the Apartment at a KH.... well they were evicited..... why?????........... because of religious beliefs??? YES!!!! ........................... The Courts Said ...NOOOOOO!!! THEY CAN STAY!!!!
no more renting Apartment KH's

I hope that is true! Too good!

and a hand mixer on hand for making up batches of Kool Aid

LOL!

6

Brainwashing and free will

by Sojourn in

it's obvious to anyone who's spent time on this site with an open mind that major brainwashing and mind control are at work in the wts.

how do you reconcile that with the idea of free will?

it's like if i said that i know my decisions were mine, but at the same time they weren't.

Sojourn

It's obvious to anyone who's spent time on this site with an open mind that major brainwashing and mind control are at work in the WTS.

How do you reconcile that with the idea of free will?

It's like if I said that I know my decisions were mine, but at the same time they weren't. How does one make sense of that?

7

Charity status - discrimination

by James_Slash in

someone told me this the other day.. does anyone know if it is true that to hold charity 'status' that you cannot discriminate against colour, creed, sexual preference, disability etc etc?.

surely the wtbts go against these 'rules' by disfellowshipping homosexuals or discriminating against the mentally ill?.

just a thought..

Sojourn

I grew up with the feeling that charity was just generally a shady thing to engage in. Mind you, no one ever told me this exactly.

The idea came from the way that we, as Witnesses, were guided to look down on other religions (as being false; influenced by Satan...) and to keep our distance and dollars from any other organizations no matter how peaceful and beneficial they seemed: such as the Red Cross, etc.

And yet, these other religions and organizations were, and continue to be, constantly busy in charity work much like Jesus was. If we could see a pie chart breaking down Jesus' actions while on earth (whether or not you or I believe in Jesus anymore...) it would almost certainly show that at least 75% of that was charity work.

I don't know why I never questioned this glaring discrepancy (oh wait, yes I do): that Witnesses do not engage in this work that Jesus devoted so much time towards...

For any onlooking Witness out there: yes, I will give you that a much-needed bag of groceries, clothes, and very kind acts are provided for other Witnesses in need (even those with 'worldly' relatives), but charity on an organizational level (to provide food, clothing, etc.) is not hinted at in the least, and certainly NEVER practiced.

49

Hello - I´m new here

by Starfish in

just wanted to introduce myself.... .

i am a secret fader but since reading this forum i feel i am alot more confident about telling my family/friends that i don t go to the meetings and inactive.. my hubby is also a fader with me...we kind of drifted after my first baby was born.

she is now 11.. it all started with my mom who started studying with my cousin when i was about 15. while she was studying i also started studying (i was about 16).

Sojourn

I'm another fader! Thank you for your story.

I'm so glad you had the presence of mind to tell that elder what exactly he could do with his advice. I've been in that position many times, and just accepted that treatment. You can look back on that moment with real satisfaction.

15

Fade to white

by Sojourn in

ever since i was a kid, i felt so lucky - so lucky (i know, i know) that out of all the religions in the world, i happened to be born into a family that practiced the one true religion in all the universe.

it seemed much to good to be true, but i always thought it was such a happy coincidence.

my immediate family and grandparents were jehovah's witnesses.. .

Sojourn

Thanks, everyone!

12

About "apostate" websites

by Sojourn in

just throwing some thoughts out there, from what i've noticed, and interested to see what you all think: agreeing and opposing opinions are welcomed!.

i feel that the "apostate" sites i've run into have a lot of good information on them that i am thankful to have found.

my eyes would not have been opened without them.

Sojourn

Loving everyone's input...

29

Got a DC invite in my door last week!

by Coffee House Girl in

i got one shoved under my door and i even have a "no trespassing" sign on my door what the heck???.

i thought they couldn't leave literature if there was a no trespassing sign posted???

am i wrong?.

Sojourn

I am using mine as my Crisis of Conscience bookmark. Don't make me post a photo...

Also, WT 9/15/2010 study edition? Please say more about that.

12

About "apostate" websites

by Sojourn in

just throwing some thoughts out there, from what i've noticed, and interested to see what you all think: agreeing and opposing opinions are welcomed!.

i feel that the "apostate" sites i've run into have a lot of good information on them that i am thankful to have found.

my eyes would not have been opened without them.

Sojourn

Just throwing some thoughts out there, from what I've noticed, and interested to see what you all think: agreeing and opposing opinions are welcomed!

I feel that the "apostate" sites I've run into have a lot of good information on them that I am thankful to have found. My eyes would not have been opened without them. However, I also feel that people are sometimes misrepresented on them, and some hurtful attitudes prevail. I came here years ago when I was still fully programmed as a Witness, looking for real information, but I was turned off by the low blows some people took, and as a result, I stayed in the dark that much longer. I think people would be much more willing to listen if they weren't faced with this kind of thing; at the same time, it's each person's right to heal however they need to. I'm torn...

Anyway, an example I could use is the issue of unconditional love, and what a true friend is: First, we have to remember that even when you're talking to a Witness, you're basically talking to the organization they've been trained by. They have no idea that they've been programmed - it's done completely under the radar. It's difficult to keep in mind, but if they're a devout Witness, the person you wish you could talk to is not there.
If you really think about it, showing unconditional love for someone is naive. (To be clear, I'm referring to adults in possession of their faculties, not children; or adults with mental illnesses.) There is probably something, however drastic, that someone could do that would make you stop showing them love. And that's what conditional love means to me... truly loving another person through thick and thin, but I'll be honest - my condition is if you murdered my family, no; I would not show you love anymore. If you have any kind of ceiling at all, whatever your most drastic point of betrayal is, that is the condition you have set where you would stop showing love to someone. I do think shunning is a whacked out, hurtful policy, but I also feel like the conditioned masses hold "betraying Jehovah" as their ceiling... the ultimate betrayal where it now makes total sense to stop demonstrating love. Considering that I am now so embarrassed at some of the things I've done, said and thought as a Witness (which I thought I was doing in love), I truly do feel like I was under the influence of a predatory organization. I don't begrudge anyone the healing power of putting the word friend in quotes (e.g., "I had lots of "friends" at the kingdom hall - UNTIL...") but I do feel that those statements misrepresent the situation - they point anger at the ones being misled and however unwittingly take it away from who is really responsible. If there's anything I have learned from de-tox out of being a Witness, it's how easy it is to join in with a group mentality, to lump people in with others and to judge them. I'll probably be trying to gain mastery over those bad traits for years to come. I feel like some of the opinions I see on this site and others are feeding into that same way of thinking...
Thoughts?

15

Fade to white

by Sojourn in

ever since i was a kid, i felt so lucky - so lucky (i know, i know) that out of all the religions in the world, i happened to be born into a family that practiced the one true religion in all the universe.

it seemed much to good to be true, but i always thought it was such a happy coincidence.

my immediate family and grandparents were jehovah's witnesses.. .

Sojourn

Ever since I was a kid, I felt so lucky - SO lucky (I know, I know) that out of all the religions in the world, I happened to be born into a family that practiced the one true religion in all the universe. It seemed much to good to be true, but I always thought it was such a happy coincidence. My immediate family and grandparents were Jehovah's Witnesses.

Since Jehovah was very real to me, I was a perfectionist in trying to do everything I was expected to do. The schedule wore me out of course, or a slip up would occur and I'd find myself in trouble with a guy and would sit myself down with the elders in short order, intent on making things right. Instead of growing up as a hopeful young person, I became jaded by the pair of disfellowshippings I received before age 18. My track record kept me paralyzed, and afraid to make more mistakes, so I became inactive. I didn't want to be on a never-ending disfellowshipped/reinstated carousel for years on end. Years later, I gave it one last good shot as a Witness, but it didn't last. The feeling that I didn't belong in with all of these righteous people never went away. They were lifers who never shared my talent for ending up in front of judicial committees. Slowly, I realized that I was beginning to show up at meetings because people expected to see me there, and not out of love for Jehovah. I became consumed with the idea of sincere worship. I became extremely dissatisfied with my own "service to Jehovah" and decided that Jehovah deserved more than I was giving. Why continue? I then started to think about how often the new system, the reward, are stressed at meetings and in publications (at the end of every Watchtower lesson and talk). Have you ever thought about how extremely distracting from SINCERE worship it is to continually hear the "hook" about the new system? There is no need to keep throwing out "remember this reward you'll get if you do this!" at every meeting, assembly, convention, publication and presentation at the door. As I faded away, I would tell any of my friends and family who inquired that I would not engage in a charade that Jehovah would see through anyway. I told them that I refused to make Jehovah a joke and I also refused to jerk my friends and family around any longer. I actually may have stumbled onto the one reason for leaving that can be freely discussed without fear of being disfellowshipped or being slapped with charges of apostasy. I guess you could say that I left because I took what the Society said VERY seriously. I took their words and the Bible's words so literally that I reasoned myself out of being a Witness. Since I have been away, I have slowly done little bits of research on the organization and have been appalled by what I've found. It was extremely difficult to de-tangle my psyche from Jehovah's Witnesses and the society, but I did it with the help of sites like this and my own (other) research. I'm happy to say that my family has lapsed for their own individual reasons, and the chances of them returning are extremely unlikely. We all feel, however reluctantly, like a blindfold has been lifted. I say 'reluctantly' because the de-tox was almost unbearable. You feel like you're in The Truman Show, or Pleasantville. All I can be sure of now is that I can't be sure of anything. I don't know what to believe, and when I see anyone, be they a Witness, a clergyman, or a poster on an "apostate" website interpreting a scripture for me, I will probably always be wise to take it as a red flag. If I am done listening to an elder give a talk and draw conclusions for me, I am done raising ANY person into that seat again-- I know they cannot possibly fill it. Thanks for reading! Happy to answer questions...