Things that are good:
(1) No more anxiety (2) no waking up at night with panic (3) no more guilt and dread on meeting nights (4) new personal growth and strengths (5) I don't expect myself to be perfect or even near perfect (6) No more pretending (7) personal honesty (8) internal calmness (9) No more feeling responsible for defending Gods universal soverignty 24/7 (10) Seeing the scales fall away from my Wifes eyes after years of denial about her doubts, (11) Reconnecting with former/ex Witness friends and finding people from school on Facebook I used to know and the joy of discovering that we still have a bond.
Things that could be better:
(1) Letting go of anger toward the Org. and the condesending JW's that are still in my life that pity me for no longer being in the club (2) Letting go of the desire to show the JW's still in my life how mislead and brainwashed they are. (3.) I'm glad to have a good job in an Engineering Department but because I wasn't allowed to get a degree when I was young, instead of being a Supervisor myself, I'm supervised by foriegners who were just recently part of the "Unwashed Masses" and can barely speak English. They have less practical experience,interpersonal skills and common sense than I do. I am constantly undoing their mix-ups and yet they earn nearly half again what I earn for doing the same job. They think I'm a fool for not having taken advantage of the opporutnities that were available to me, especially since they draged themselves up from the depths to get where they are today. I am ashamed to tell them(so far anyway) that I was caught up in a religion that prohibited higher education for fear they would think me a bigger fool,in this regard, than they already do. I made it to where I am by luck yes I said Luck...and sheer determination and because I have learned to mold myself into whatever I needed to be, to survive. Guess where I learned that little trick ?
All in all, I feel a new hope for myself even though I am middle aged and am starting over. This forum has been a great help in sorting out my head. I can't say how thankful for the insightful comments, encouraging words and feelings of warmth that exists here and has helped me get to where I am in the leaving process.