Sweetheart I know your pain! It festers and boils and it's seems to consume your soul... The only way to help is get back into counselling and not just someone whom you can vent to, you need a NLP (neuro linguistic programming) practitioner. I went to one and I swear they know there stuff and can get you the help you need.
I'm going to send you a pm, so give it five/ten minutes before you check :)
Peace