Posts by headoverheels

40

I didn't know what a JW was, until I fell for one

by headoverheels in

when i fell for him i was completely unaware of his upbringing as a jw and only became aware once he decided to leave a few months back.

being raised without much of a religious basis, besides the typical western christian exposure, i have researched, read, attended groups, read in this forum, to try to better understand him, and jws, but i am feeling at a loss here.

he just recently left the jws and now i am experiencing this struggle with him; i am wondering how much of our problems can be contributed to this transition.

headoverheels

I spent a lot of time combing through all your responses. I'm quite grateful and it gave me tons to consider; for example, the words "he has zero respect for you" really hit home with me...

Anyhow update: just found out he was messing around behind my back, cheating on me. Turns out I'm not so cut out for unconditional love. How interesting, as I self-assess, that I was willing to tolerate the verbal abuse, but when it comes to another woman's kibbles-n-bits, I'm out. Well I'll be eating crow.

Nevertheless, thank you for your input and support.

Cheers

40

I didn't know what a JW was, until I fell for one

by headoverheels in

when i fell for him i was completely unaware of his upbringing as a jw and only became aware once he decided to leave a few months back.

being raised without much of a religious basis, besides the typical western christian exposure, i have researched, read, attended groups, read in this forum, to try to better understand him, and jws, but i am feeling at a loss here.

he just recently left the jws and now i am experiencing this struggle with him; i am wondering how much of our problems can be contributed to this transition.

headoverheels

I appreciate each of your time and input. Interesting, the consensus here is to leave. I suppose I rejected such an obvious response because I want to love and care for him, taking into account that his family turned their back on him (all his family mom, dad, sis, ect are JWs and refuse to speak to him) and well I was taking a stab at unconditional love. He has so many fantastic qualities (many of which I suppose were instilled by the very JW org) that I hate for him to be summed up in a couple less than favorable moments.

Any response to my original 3 questions would be greatly appreciated as I contemplate the above mentioned: 1) how common are these behaviors among JW men 2) Are they likely to pass and 3) is there anything I can do to nurture his growth and transistion besides just leave him?

As for "Why do I think so little of yourself that you put up with him?" Geez, well that's an assumption and a judgement. Nevertheless, I hear you on the org life, if he was to return, which I really think is beyond him. I'd become a JW, before he would again.

Which brings me to another question, Being judgmental, I feel he seethes with this and although tries to suppresses it, sees the flaws before the beauty, if you know what I mean. Is this common among JWs; fleeting once out of org?

40

I didn't know what a JW was, until I fell for one

by headoverheels in

when i fell for him i was completely unaware of his upbringing as a jw and only became aware once he decided to leave a few months back.

being raised without much of a religious basis, besides the typical western christian exposure, i have researched, read, attended groups, read in this forum, to try to better understand him, and jws, but i am feeling at a loss here.

he just recently left the jws and now i am experiencing this struggle with him; i am wondering how much of our problems can be contributed to this transition.

headoverheels

When I fell for him I was completely unaware of his upbringing as a JW and only became aware once he decided to leave a few months back. Being raised without much of a religious basis, besides the typical Western Christian exposure, I have researched, read, attended groups, read in this forum, to try to better understand him, and JWs, but I am feeling at a loss here. He just recently left the JWs and now I am experiencing this struggle with him; I am wondering how much of our problems can be contributed to this transition. I believe that although he has left the JWs, he has these lingering chauvinistic ways and if I do not act according to certain standards ( a level of passivity) he will ignore me or tell me things, on rare occasions, like "Shut up" "F you" which he says I provoke. He has an incredibly loving side; however, it only seems to surface if I am passive and talk to him just so. I am hoping for input. I do not want to leave a man I love during a difficult time; however if there is no hope for these ways to pass, I must. Anyways, so (I swear there is a question in here) how common are these types of behaviors among JW men; are they likely to pass; is there anything I can do to help nurture his growth and transition instead of just leaving him?