Posts by techdotcom

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

FlyingHighNow:

You're kinda sensitive.

Is that a bad thing for ya? Not manly enough maybe? I havn't expressed an interest in you for even friendship so I am a little confused as to how that's pertinent to the discussion.

I'm wondering if you're going to come inform all of us when this turns out badly for you.

Probably not 'if' however that statement is exactly the kind of negative type that I was talking about. Critcizing without any critical thought. Obviously it would be emotionally devastating if I and the mother of my 3 children and wife of more than 16 years broke up. Asshole. :)

Here's a link to an interesting study done that provides references and also is up front about the limitations of this particular study. In other words, appears to be legitimate and well done. While not conclusive it does tend to shed some doubt on the sterotype being perpetuated by some of the attitudes here.

http://www.ejhs.org/volume3/swing/body.htm

Some notable qoutes:

Among swingers, is there a relationship between swinging and marital happiness? Two questions on the survey – one which asked about their relationships before swinging and the other about them after swinging – are cross-tabulated in Table 15. As the data shows, 62.6% of swingers found that swinging improved their marriages/relationships, 35.6% said their relationships stayed about the same, and only 1.7% said they became less happy. Even among those who said their marriages were "Very Happy" prior to swinging nearly half (49.7%) said they became happier. Among those with the most unhappy marriages 90.4% said their relationship became happier after swinging. It appears that, at least among the sample of swingers used in this research, swinging tends to improve the perceived quality of the couples' marriages regardless of how satisfying it was before swinging.

If swinging were to threaten a couples' relationship, one would think that controlling jealousy would be a major issue. Table 17 shows that jealousy does not seem to be as big a problem for swingers as one might think. The majority of swingers (68.1%) said that jealousy was not a problem at all. Only 6.1 percent said it was "Very Much" a problem and about one- fourth (26.1%) said it was "Somewhat" of a problem. Males and females differed very little on their answers.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

His marriage broke up over wife swapping because his wife fell in love with one of the other guys who was just a sweeter guy.

Sorry, nope. His marriage broke up for reasons that may have involved the other guy but their relationship was thiers to screw up. Her love for another guy would not automatically erase her love for her husband. That being said adding people to a relationship makes things more complicated, harder to balance, easier to take offense and to let fear and insecurity win. But I don't think you should blame her falling for the other guy, that implies that people can only really love one person at a time. I don't suffer from that handicap and believe that most are capable of loving most whom they know that are decent and good.

My wife cares very deeply for one of our friends in particular, a guy, (I love the guy too, just more platonically, lol) and shares my deep affection for another, a woman. Love is not an all or nothing thing and is not the reason people fall out of it with one another. Marriage is an arrangment seperate from love and although it is much better with it, many have survived without it. Ours even did for quite some time when I was inactive for 10 years and my wife was very devout.

The 'reality' is that life is complicated. Half of all marriages end in divorce. And I can masterbate quite effectivley without spending a thousand or more dollers on a doll thank you. ;)

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

oz,

Okay first of all, sorry, wasn't trying to start an argument, or even debate the relative merits of the lifestyle. Of course it's frustrating that it is so much easier for my wife to have some fun, and yes I am trying to be cool about it. But saying I'm not at all happy with the status qou is a bit much. I am very happy with the friendships I've made and enjoy the fact that if something were to happen on a more intimate basis that it would be okay with my wife. Sorry if I seem touchy, I just like to argue, even though I'm not trying to get into one, I tend to attack with a switness when I feel threatend.

mrjones,

my comment was not made as a personal attack on you, or your choices. However, your tone does seem a bit agressive at me and derisive. That is not appreciated. For instance saying

I'm sorry but you brought your personal business to a public forum.

While true, ignores that I already admitted that. So why say it agian as if I was complaining about it?

Also

It's none of my business what you or wfe do or how many folks you choose to do it with.

Again, who say it wasn't your business but you? And If its none of your business and you don't wish to have a discussion about it, why are you commenting at all? Just lurk, there's no reason to troll.

EmptyInside,

Yep emotions come into play everytime. It gets complicated. At the moment for instace we are just holding steady and not pursuing anyone or fun time. We still have our special friends and are okay with intimacy we have gotten a bit burned out on the 'dating' for the moment.

All,

This thread was started as a way to talk about things that I have wanted to talk about in a safe, semi anonymous way and get some perspective from outside. I don't really care if anyone approves or dissaproves but will not tolerate condensention and critisism without basis. I understand realistically that I will get some but I will argue back if I think you are out of line. All of us tend to get a bit wrapped up in the religion that most of us here escaped. I think its good to talk about something else every now and then and I have found the subject of sex and swinging to be a very effective diversion from the pain and angst of leaving the Witnesses and much of my life behind.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

palmtree67, From what I have seen so far the most common thing situation seems to be couples looking for another woman to play with. Many husbands and wives are just not as comfortable with bringing another man into the relationship as they are with another woman. As far as the woman having all the say, I don't feel that it is the case. My wife and I both reserve VETO rights on the others choice but rarely do so. I think that saying women have all the choice is a myth. It's been my observation that women simply don't pursue very often, leaving up to the men to do so. With that being the case it falls on the woman to choose. However, on occasion, a women will pursue a man for sex and in that case I the man has the choice. But either way the one rule you will find everywhere is that no means no and anyone not adhering to that will find themselves out in a hurry. While there may be some types of arrangements to be common the swinger/open types are not an homogenous bunch and the rules they follow vary widely from person to person and couple to couple.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

I think you are experiencing the reality of the fantasy. Not all it's cracked up to be.

Not to be too much of a smart ass but that was my point, to share the reality. What is your point about that? What experiance can you share. Or are you once agian simply looking for something negative to harp on. There's nothing to catch, I put that out there. I am open in more ways then just with sex. I am an open book in almost every way. Generally swingers clubs admit unescorted women for free, couples for a nominal cover and single men an exorbent price. I am enjoying learning more about the dynamics of all of this and although I do feel some frustration at times, it is mostly due to my lack of interpersonal skills and not some disatisfaction with our choices. Are there negative emotions at times with this, yes, but I believe in examining those and determining the root of them. At that point I can work on handling that in a mature way, rather than simply avoiding what might be uncomfortable at times. My wife and I use the same skills for dealing with issues with the lifestyle that we used when surviving the religion, and honestly this stuff is small potatoes compared to the stresses that being in that caused.

Now if you want to provide some actuall anedotal examples of negative sides to this and explore those stories to see how they apply in general than I am all for it. But to be honest much of the comments here seem to be knee jerk judments on what is our choice. To be fair I did put our story out here, exposing it to such, but that doesn't mean I will simply take unsupported critisism with out an argument.

It's funny how people will use critical thinking to explore thier religious beliefs to escape a cult like the JW's but at the same time ignore this valuable tool for other parts of thier lives, and often just seem to settle into another stagnant belief/moral system that has no objective reality to it.

35

this from march 15 tower

by therevealer in

is this just to inane for words.

most of the lumber looks sawn rather than hewn.

are they planning or arguing?

techdotcom

@therevealer, re-read, I admit at first I was going WTF but she was angry not at the commentary but because of it, for the apparent disregard Noah and his sons are showing for the suffering going on around them.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

Oh and IDing us isn't a huge deal we are out of the religion and most of our friends are in the know about our being open as well.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

She is 37 and I am 39.

129

I was BANE...I have an apology to most of you.

by Botzwana in

jw
friends

i was bane and i think i got banned because everytime i tried to log in i couldn't.

i was defending the society as best as i could.

something has happened in the last few months.

techdotcom

Bane, I hope you are sincere, and I hope you are learning a little about the cruelty that blind faith can lead a person too. I probably won't ever forgive your comment that my wife of 16 years should leave me because I was not a believer and she was, but I can put it behind me and in time I won't want to feel any anger toword you. Now that she is out with me it helps. Good luck with your transition from sleep to reality and may you find more kindness than you showed to others.

104

Open relationships, polyamory and swinging

by techdotcom in

has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the jw world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity?

we've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.

.

techdotcom

Snoozy, you bet, that's a good idea no matter what. Both of us are always prepared, lol