Has anyone else, after leaving the restrictive rules of the JW world, tried having an open marriage, joining the 'lifestyle' of the swinger comunity? We've been doing that for about 4-5 months now and it's been an interesting experience, in fact it's been a major distraction from the hell of rebuilding our lives outside the religion and our base of friends.
Open relationships, polyamory and swinging
by techdotcom 104 Replies latest social relationships
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Broken Promises
Over the past years, there have been some couples on the exjw boards who have tried it, and all ended up separating and divorcing. So either trying this new lifestyle isn't conducive to a happy marriage, or perhaps it was a band-aid to try to save a failing marriage?
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GrandmaJones
My kindergarten teacher said I didn't share well. I haven't gotten over it.
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DanaBug
Lol @ grandmajones! I don't share well either.
According to what I've heard, as long as you keep everything out in the open, no sneaking around, it works for some people.
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Mrs. Peck
Taking a big risk there.......If you are both bored with each other than whats the point??
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Snoozy
New ex Jw's are like a kid in a candy store with no parents around..they go wild and often end up with a tummy ache from all that "Candy"...
Eventually they find out "being free" isn't all it's cracked up to be and the belly ache hurts..
Snoozy
ps...Word of warning, sometimes "Swingers" end up sharing more than their partners...
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cyberjesus
So either trying this new lifestyle isn't conducive to a happy marriage, or perhaps it was a band-aid to try to save a failing marriage?
or perhaps trying the new lifestyle helped them realize their marriage was not what they thought....
I think that if a couple wants to do it.... then its their business.... we cant say they are bored or they anything because we dont know.
Open relationships. polyamore and swinging are 3 different things. Not inclusive.
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mrsjones5
After I left bOrgland I sowed my wild oats then I got married. I don't need to do that kind of sowing anymore.
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Mrs. Peck
Well, whatever spins your beanie, but if a married couple needs to incorporate other people into their sex life I would say that something is lacking in the marriage.....just my two cents......
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techdotcom
Nothing missing in our marriage really. We went thru 10 years of hell with me being an unbeliever and staying together thru that. After that test we feel pretty industructible. My wife finally understands and trusts how much I love her and I saw her overcome the cult conditioning with that trust.
Our sex life is still good and that is not really the incentive either. Great sex was one main thing that kept our relationship viable when the religion was an issue. For us it's been about finding a new way to connect with people and I would agree that the key to an open relationship is being open. With eachother as well as in the sense of being available for an intimate relationship with others. No secrets but with respect for the others privacy as well. That being said, if it starts to be an issue we will stop and fall back to what we know best, each other. Although we tend to go out seperatly socially it's due to a lack of cheap babysitting. The one we use costs close to $100 if we stay out all evening and shut the bars down.
I've heard the non-specific stories of swinger/open couples tending to break up but I have yet to actually run into any of them myself. I've met a few since we started this and to be honest they have all been in a stable relationship for years. The only example like that I know of is with my sis in law who left her JW husband after having an affiar with an old high school boy friend who was in an open relationship. 1) She had been looking for a way out for years from her marriage. 2) her new guy and his wife were already having issues and did not have a trusting relationship to start with. I do see how this type of arrangment causes some additional stress, hell i feel pretty sorry for those who are single and dating. No matter how bad the date turns out I still have an awesome lady to return home to and the same for her. Getting to know someone, becoming intimate for the first time is akward and stressful and full of the insecurities we no long need to worry about with each other. The stresses of dating put some strain on us but like I said we have each other to fall back on and support one another. Plus it's been a really good distraction from the stresses of getting out the religion.
To those who don't like sharing....yeah I get ya, but just because you have a knee jerk reaction to something that does you no real harm, that does not mean you have to let it control you. Jealousy is about the insecurity/fear of being replaced. When toes get stepped on we talk about it. I'm not worried about that. If my marriage breaks up, it will because myself or my wife have decided to let that happen and not due to having a friend with benifits or two on the side.