Wow....thanks everyone!! This support is great. Here is just a little of my story...bare with me. It will be in stages. Still a bit overwhelmed.
I'm 36, married to a wonderful man (he is awake also, long before me I found out) with 2 beautiful boys ages 3 and 1. I'll get into me and my hubby another time.
So, my parents were not born in, converted in. Me and my brothers were all born in. As far back as I can remember I worked with older women in service, pioneers usually. I think my mom and dad were going through some things so my mom would send me out in service with them. Anyway, they were always saying to me 'what do you want to do when you grow up, pioneer right? Go to Bethel, right?' Of course my answer was always a very eager YES! lol. Fast forward a bit.....I was baptized at 12 because I loved Jehovah and wanted to make him happy. I didn't realize at the time what that really meant and that my whole life would be in captivity from that point forward. My dad became an elder, my mom a pioneer and we were the exemplary family in the congregation. I had parts on the assembly, demonstrations at the Hall, talks all the time, etc. (more on this saga later).
i officially strayed for a few years when I was 19, the whole double life thing. I wanted to be normal! I wanted a boyfriend, I wanted to hang out with my non JW family, I wanted to see what the world were all about. I was financially stable enough to move out and get my own place at 20. Had some fun, which I now know is just normal things people my age do. But I couldn't completely let the religion go. I was consumed by guilt....What would my parents think? They would be so disappointed!! My friends...all of my friends, they would never talk to me again, I was going to die at Armageddon. ..so a few years after I strayed, I started back regular at the meetings not out of love for Jehovah, but because I had been manipulated.....programmed that if I did these things I would be punished. I was being controlled out of fear of being cut off from family and friends and killed off.
This is the first part of my anger and hurt as I started waking up. I thought I was a fairly intelligent person but still was duped and wasted years of my life, not pursing my dreams (artist, athlete, attorney).
Many red flags along the way I disregarded as I was taught to do and leave it in Jehovah's hands. This included the "new light" that the FDS is actually the GB...SAY WHAT??? Anyway, as I began to research, wow...the false prophecies, the hidden sexual abuse, the contradicting info in the wt mags themselves. The kicker for me, the main source of my anger? Finding out about the ties to the UN!!! Preaching from the platform about the wild beast, satans world, harlot, etc...and we were supporting it smh. The hypocrisy of it all is nauseating. I have so much research to do, just for me. But my brain is exploding. Now I see why they don't want us to look anywhere else, we might actually see the truth, the real truth.
That's all for now...I will create a new thread to further my story. This is exhausting but I'm feeling better!