Hi HeyThere, Have you read Harville Hendrix's book Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples? In his book he describes a technique that he recommends for couples that might also work when combined with Steve Hassan's methods. In Chapter 9 of his book he describes using mirroring, validating, and empathizing to improve communication between couples.
If you can get your husband's authentic persona to think before his cult persona says a thought-stopping platitude, it will help him to start to critically think for himself. How would your husband respond if you asked him the following in an inquisitive and sincere tone of voice when he uses a thought-stopping platitude:
- "Well, I can see the positive change in my life and our family, so despite some things thats may be off this is what I believe..." ==> What are those positive changes in your life and in our family? . . . (wait for him to respond) . . . What are those things that you feel are off? . . . (wait for him to respond) . . . Repeat (mirror) back what he says to verify that you understand him correctly. Validate and empathize with his beliefs. Ask him specific questions that you have a difference of opinion and you feel are not a positive change in his life nor in your family. Ask him what the WTBTS would have to do for him to lose faith in it. Mirror what he says back to him and then ask him, "Has he done any independent research to justify his blind faith in the WTBTS?"
- Something about how actions of a few imperfect men will not taint Jehovah or his beliefs ==> Ask him what acitions have a few imperfect men done to cause him doubts? . . . (wait for him to respond) . . . Repeat (mirror) back what he says to verify that you understand him correctly. Validate and empathize with his beliefs. Ask him what the WTBTS would have to do for him to lose faith in it. Mirror what he says back to him and then ask him, " Has he done any independent research to justify his blind faith in the WTBTS?"
- He has also commented about how jw are the only ones out there preaching, etc. ==> Ask him for more details and why he feels it is so important? . . . (wait for him to respond) . . . Repeat (mirror) back what he says to verify that you understand him correctly. Validate and empathize with his beliefs. Question him about either why he gave you a WTBTS sells pitch or why he feels prosthelytizing is so important. How would he compare it to other volunteer organizations he respects (or you respect). Ask him why other religions that prosthelytize are less attractive than the WTBTS. Mirror what he says back to him and then ask him, "Has he done any independent research to justify his faith in the WTBTS?"
If he says the thought-stopping platitude "Where else shall we go?", correct him and ask him if he meant, " “Lord, to whom shall we go ? You have the words of eternal life." John 6:68. Ask him why he didn't know to follow the teachings and example of Jesus Christ instead of other men?
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert