Hey There...An Introduction to a Married IN nonDub (unbaptised pub)

HeyThere

he k.ows i am not

Hey There all, I just wanted to take a moment to introduce myself and thank you all for this wonderful site and all the helpful discussions Sich a loving arrangement

My name may (or may not) be Tracee. I may (or may not) live in Texas. I do have.3 children ages ranging from college age to junior high. My children do not believe the wt. The adult children are absolutely not having anything to do with it and gingerly asked me one day of i believed what they taught. When I said nope, not at all, the relief was clear.

The youngest does attend kh.This child answerz several questions at all meetings, participates in family study, independently prepares for her own studies...and thinks it is a crazy cult that writes for babies )aka like a childs book) This kid is smart. At the next study she is going to make a big dramatic annoumcement about her college plans which will segway into some questions i have.

So point there...my kids are not in the cult. but my husbamd and majority of hos family members are in. my h was inactive for over a decade. I studied with his aumt cor about a year before I walking away. the cult caused many issues in my relationship woth my now h before as we werent married. So much drama...another thread...but ultimately he faded and married me, the worldly girl. But the wt has haunted our marriage, and led to resentment. It has been difficult.

After some life changing events my h wamted us to all bet back to the kh. we have been back for a year. and this ish is crazy

My husbamd is all in. he jas acknowledged he doesnt believe it all but is a born in...it is all he knows. it has only been tje past few months that he has gotten more into it...telling our child they camt have worldly friends, not wanting to go to dinner woth couples who are not jw, going theu our kids toys and tossing unicorns, smurfs, etc.

he knows how i feel for the most part, knows i am not getting baptised, will not recuse blood fpr self or child, etc. in another thread i mentioned how he told his mom that "the devil is at wprk." so thats what i am dealing woth.

i feel so sad fpr him, for things that happened in his life because of thos relovion...for the way tjey almost broke us up!! years before. for the grip they have on him. je gets zo defensive when i talk about things i have learned. he responds with the canned jw responses i have seen all over. amyways, that is me in a nutshell. i apolkgize for all the typos i am on my phone.

Found Sheep

Welcome yes too many times the JW's think they have a right to be in your marriage. Glad you didn't get sucked into it. Best wishes to get your hubby out!

Welcome,
FS

Frazzled UBM

HI Hey There - I understand your experience and how the WBTS can mess with your marriage. If you read some of my earlier threads you can see me wrestling with some similar issues. It is so difficult for born-ins to throw off the WBTS shackles until they see the TTATT. It is very unfortunate that he has fallen under their mind control again. The thing that I have learned is that you have to get him back to putting the family first and get him to realise that the uncondititonal love of his family is better than the conditional sense of belonging at the KH. The fact that your kids can see through the BS helps. Hopefully eventually he will realise he is alienating you all but that you love him anyway. He will be unhappy but not realise why and blame you. Your challenge is to get him to realise that it is his involvement in the cult which is making him unhappy. Good luck and pm me any time you need to vent and keep posting on here so we can see how things go for you. Good luck Fraz

cantleave

Hey There - welcome

nonjwspouse

hey there, welcome to this wonderful forum!

I relate to the WT being a third 'Person" inyour marriage that damages your relationship and family and especially your spouse. My husband too is a born in and it's "all he knows" and after life changing events decided he was " called to go back". He believes something special was going on because "many others are being called back".( yeah, it's called a WT campaign).

It nearly brok up our marriage completely about 3 years ago, then 16 months ago. We just had our 10 year wedding anniversary.

The WT is insidious and destructive. It creates or exacerbates deep emotional/mental problems with the members. I wish I knew this before the second date with my decades long "physically out but mentally in" husband. I love him but I would not have gone on the second date if I knew this. Life is too short....

cultBgone

Welcome! So glad to hear you and your kids are mentally stable ! Here's hoping that you can learn techniques for helping your hubby out of the craziness.

(((hugs)))

roberto avon

Hi Hey There

I am also married to a Jw born in and since almost 27 years.
Didn't have too much trouble as she is a very liberal Jw but from her congregation and family so now and then we had some problems.

My three children ( 26.21 and 13 ) don't want to know anything about this cult, un spite that my wife always told them stories ( the famous yellow book ) about the religion.

On the other hand I told them " my stories " as Peter Pann,,Pinocchio and the Grimm tales. Also we have our Christmas trees and birthday parties and my wife accepts it because she understands that she can't oblige anyone tomattend meetings and so on.

I would " advise " you to concentrate on your family and especially on your 3rd child
and get her of of the jw cage.

When your husband will be the only one, he maybe will start thinking

LisaRose

Welcome, glad you introduced yourself.

The Watchtower is really good at breaking up families, it's the nature of cults.

I would not share anything more about what you are learning here, it's just going to cause him to revert to cult mode. I would simply ask leading questions designed to get him to think. Don't react one way or another, let him express his honest feelings. Family study would be perfect for this. Ask questions that he may have to look up the answers to. The Watchtower literature is full of nonsense that they published in the past that they try to hide or minimize.

There are a lot of double standards, for example they are all for questioning your faith if you are interested in studying with them, but not so much if a JW wants to investigate other religions or ask hard questions about the Watchtower. They trash talk other religions, but don't allow you to talk to ExJWs. The bible says to keep testing whether these things are so, but as a JW you are not allowed too.

Be patient, it takes time.

Lisa

ABibleStudent

Welcome HeyThere, Thank you for sharing your experiences and I'm sorry that your husband is so gung-ho.

Have you read information by cult-exit conselors like Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering Peopel to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling Peope, Cults and Beleifs"), visited his website www.freedomofmind.com, and watched his FREE videos on his website?

Have you visited reputable websites like www.jwfacts.com, www.watchtowerdocuments.com, www.jwsurvey.org, and www.freeminds2.org to learn more about the WTBTS, its history, and its flip-flopping changes in doctrines? Have you read books by Raymond Franz (i.e., "Crisis of Conscience" and "In Seach of Christian Freedom") or Don Cameron's book (i.e., "Captives of a Concept")?

Since your husband does not want to associate with non-JWs and is throwing out smurf toys, he seems too "Spiritually Strong" (non-thinking) to help him critically think for himself. Is there a way to help him see that those life-changing events are not good reasons to become more active in the WTBTS? Does your husband love the WTBTS more than you and his children? If he does love you more, how would your husband react if you and all your children went on a three day vacation far from your home and explained why you do not believe that the WTBTS is God's channel for Christians by relating your individiual stories to him, the questions that caused you doubts about the WTBTS, and that you will never return to the WTBTS?

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

jgnat

Hi, I'm a non-JW married my Witness without the elders knowing, lots of dust-up there, LOL, and after ten years he's finally decided to leave. But he has a long way to go, not having processed his reasons for leaving in the first place (heck, never really thought through why he joined, either).

Steve Hassan's materials are good because they help separate the cult persona from the natural person. It works best if you speak directly to the natural man. That appears when you are talking about NON-RELIGIOUS stuff, and when he is farthest away from a meeting (mentally, physically, temporally). It might help you, too, to recall those elements of his personality that are all his, and that likely attracted you to him in the first place.

IMHO, your husband is going through a mid-life crisis. His extended family is aiding and abetting this dastardly conversion back to the Witnesses. I suspect also he is like my husband in that he dreads his own mortality, his frailty.

You would have been better off if he bought a Harley Davidson, trashed it, and broke nearly every bone in his body. At least then it would be clear how you could rehabilitate the old fool. Right now, he isn't acknowledging the damage that the WTS is inflicting on his family relationships.

Maybe later we can talk about how you can contain and deflect the interference from the extended Witness family.

Hey There...An Introduction to a Married IN nonDub (unbaptised pub)

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