OMG I am not going to live forever!!!!!! Once I could actually mouth those words & reality set in, I was ok with it .......but madder than hell about wasting so much of the life I DID have!
The irony is that the go to 'feel good' belief was trashed. Whenever I had problems or wasn't saving enough money or didn't have the luxuries that some higher-up jws had .........my feel good' thing would kick in with the thought .... oh well we will all be in the same boat & throwing our money in the street real soon now!! Ya right!