Hey Bartolomeo!
Thanks for expressing your opinion.
I look forward to your detailed explanation of how we've fallen into a self-pity trap, because I don't understand what you mean.
Thanks in advance!
Queequeg
JoinedPosts by Queequeg
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16
Our First Christmas Tree
by Queequeg inearly on, after we left jw land, my wife said to me, “i hope you don’t care, but i don’t ever see myself doing any christmas stuff.
i don’t really understand why some ex jws decide to do that crap.” we agreed that parties were a little different because of the social aspects, but other wise i didn’t care.
now… there’s a 16’ douglas fir with ornaments and lights in our living room.
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16
Our First Christmas Tree
by Queequeg inearly on, after we left jw land, my wife said to me, “i hope you don’t care, but i don’t ever see myself doing any christmas stuff.
i don’t really understand why some ex jws decide to do that crap.” we agreed that parties were a little different because of the social aspects, but other wise i didn’t care.
now… there’s a 16’ douglas fir with ornaments and lights in our living room.
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Queequeg
We're on our third or fourth tree now. This story happened a few years ago.
My wife's finger healed, but has no feeling.
Tonusoh - We have a vaulted ceiling. :)
Punk - Nothing for the last four or five feet. We weren't smart enough to put ornaments on the top before we stood the tree up!
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16
Our First Christmas Tree
by Queequeg inearly on, after we left jw land, my wife said to me, “i hope you don’t care, but i don’t ever see myself doing any christmas stuff.
i don’t really understand why some ex jws decide to do that crap.” we agreed that parties were a little different because of the social aspects, but other wise i didn’t care.
now… there’s a 16’ douglas fir with ornaments and lights in our living room.
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Queequeg
Early on, after we left JW land, my wife said to me, “I hope you don’t care, but I don’t ever see myself doing any Christmas stuff. I don’t really understand why some ex jws decide to do that crap.” We agreed that parties were a little different because of the social aspects, but other wise I didn’t care. Now… there’s a 16’ Douglas Fir with ornaments and lights in our living room. What the hell happened?
For a little perspective, we walked away from our JW lives about 12 years ago. Even before we left, we realized that we would lose most, if not all of our social contacts and needed to work hard to build a new social network. At one point, about a year after we left I remember my wife crying and saying, “I know we did the right thing, but, I think we're going to end up being a lonely old couple.” The idea of making a whole new group of friends seemed almost impossible to her.
Well, we worked at it, and now, we struggle with the problem of having too many nice people in our lives to keep up with. Our Christmas tree is an integral part of that story.
About seven or eight years ago, we had started to get to know a woman named Jenni and her family because we’d been volunteering at a nature reserve that we loved (my family used to fish salmon with dynamite there… and poach deer etc. I thought I’d give a little something back lol). Jenni’s one of the scientists that works at the reserve. Jenni and her husband organized a yearly Christmas tree cutting hike with a group of their friends. For three or four years she’d invite us, but we’d decline because we “weren’t in to the Christmas stuff”. Jenni knew a bit about our story, her and her friends were not religious, they just like having the Christmas tree. But, every year she’d invite us to join in.
At a certain point, I realized that Jenni and her husband had a lot of people in their social network, but they only invited a small number on their Xmas tree hike. It really was nice to be invited and I told my wife , we shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, we should at least go on the hike, we don’t have to get a tree. At this point we’d also become friends with some of the other people who went on the hike.
So, we went with the group on the hike. My wife had a lot of funny feelings about the whole thing because of her aversion to Christmas. On the other hand, we were with a group of really nice people, so that made it better. The group was spread out along the way, people with kids were slower, I was up in front, my wife was way behind talking with someone.
About halfway in, someone came running up to me, “Queequeg! Your wife’s been hurt! She’s bleeding pretty badly!” Shit! I turned around and ran full tilt down the logging road.
When I got to her, she had her hand wrapped in a very bloody handkerchief. We had brought a few cutting tools to help people get trees and maybe clear a trail if needed. My wife was carrying a machete. I sharpen the shit out of my tools. I work in the construction trades and I like to have sharp tools. She had just shown someone how sharp her stupid husband keeps his tools and had put the machete back in its sheath… but didn’t attach the safety strap around the hilt. A minute or two later, someones dog came up to her begging to have her throw a stick, she bent over to get the stick and the machete fell out severing the entire fleshy pad of one of her fingers down to the bone. Just a little strip of skin was holding it on. Pardon my French, but it was bleeding like a motherfucker! I’d brought my work van and had a first aid kit in it so we hurried back. Yeah, I hadn’t kept up with it and nothing was usable, crumbly brown bandages.
We made the hour drive back to town. We got to the Intermediate Care at our clinic ten minutes too late, so we had to go to the Emergency Room at the hospital. Even with insurance, that ended up costing $900!
We drove home a little bummed out. When we got home… there was a beautiful tree waiting on our deck! Of course, we felt obligated to set it up in our house. Our friends also realized that we probably didn’t have any ornaments, so the next day they brought us a box full of ornaments that they had made and also bought for us!
A week or so later, my wife said, “I hate to say this, but, I love having this tree in our house!” For us, it’s a symbol of where we’ve been and how far we’ve come. It’s a symbol of the great people who have welcomed us into their lives since we left Watchtower world. The tree smells fresh and combined with the lights it brightens the crazy winter days and nights.
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16
My favorite Cooking Pot
by Wonderment inalthough cooking pots are not directly "religious" subject, perhaps not many will deny that a happy belly can lead to wholesome religious thoughts and peaceful spiritual discussions.. that said, through the years i have tried most major brands of cooking pots - all the way from all-clad to cast-iron skilets - including some with the most extraordinary claims in between.. however, the one we have used the most in our kitchen is one brand from denmark, specifically, the 5 quart pot called "scanpan.
" it is now approaching 40 years of daily use, and it has held-up surprisingly well.
the handles are as tight as day one when we bought it.
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Queequeg
I have various pots and pans, but I do most of my cooking with a cheap wok.
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15
Best Xmas Songs
by peacefulpete inmy favorites.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsdg9qtjzzi.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uudu66e_vw.
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Queequeg
I liked this one even when I was JW.
Sexy Christmas song!
Yeah, I know the words are very gold diggerish. Still...
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39
why celebrate xmas?
by enoughisenough inmany on here are ex jw....they have left the jws because of coming to find out the many false indoctrinations.
one of the things learned as a jw is that there isn't anything true about xmas being the birth of jesus.
( matt chapter 2 tells a whole different narrative about the baby jesus than what is portrayed by the christian churches) they learn the ways that are celebrated are pagan practices jesus told the samaritan woman that god wanted to be worshipped in spirit and it truth.
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Queequeg
Like peacefulpete said, for us, it's about the people.
When we first walked away from JW world, some of our first new friends decided that we needed some new traditions in our life. So, with them, we started an annual Christmas day hike and feast afterwards. There's no religious element to it, the majority of our friends are not religious. It's just an organized excuse for friends to get together and enjoy each other's company.
The hike is done rain or shine. We've done it in the snow, and during crazy winter storms.
Sometimes there are 15 or 16 of us for dinner, sometimes there are 30 plus. Sometimes dinner has a theme (like Southeast Asia etc.). No theme this year. I think I'm going to make homemade spaetzle x3. Alsatian style sauerkraut with spaetzle, fresh local seafood (salmon, crab, shrimp) mac and cheese spaetzle, and foraged wild mushroom (bolete, lobster, hedgehog, chanterelle) spaetzle in riesling cream sauce. My wife's making a yule log.
One year we had an Israeli and an Iranian cooking and laughing together in the kitchen.
Several years we had a local Indian chief guide our hike through tribal land.
This year, we're going to hike through the sand dunes that inspired Frank Herbert to write Dune.
For us, it's a reminder and an appreciation for the good people we have in our life since leaving our former social group.
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why celebrate xmas?
by enoughisenough inmany on here are ex jw....they have left the jws because of coming to find out the many false indoctrinations.
one of the things learned as a jw is that there isn't anything true about xmas being the birth of jesus.
( matt chapter 2 tells a whole different narrative about the baby jesus than what is portrayed by the christian churches) they learn the ways that are celebrated are pagan practices jesus told the samaritan woman that god wanted to be worshipped in spirit and it truth.
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Queequeg
Lost In The Fog, I love your post!
"Was it a rebellion against my JW upbringing? No it wasn't. It was me being a normal human being in the society beyond 'The Society'."
If someone wants to maintain the "alien resident" JW persona, fine. But I sure as hell have had enough of that.
I live in an area that gets dark with crazy weather in the winter. These ancient customs developed for a reason, the lights, the evergreens, the festivities. One of the reasons Scandinavian countries are regularly on lists of the happiest people is because they've learned how to turn their crazy winters in to a positive thing.
Lighten up Enoughisenough. Have some friends over, down some brennivin, and thank Freyja that you are alive! Lol.
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Ice Skating on Eiffel Tower?
by peacefulpete inmy wife and i are heading to paris for christmas this year.
it's a landmark year for all sorts of reasons, milestone anniversary her milestone birthday, and my recovery.
she loves ice skating.
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Queequeg
Ice skating the Eiffel Tower would be amazing! My wife grew up around ice skating and would love that too. Let us know if it works out.
We were in Paris near Christmas once, and if the weather permits, walking around the (main) streets at night is fun because all the shops have lights and displays.
Figure out the subway system (ahead of time if possible) and you'll go all over Paris with no problem.
Of course, there's a ton of museums, my favorite is the Cluny with Middle Ages stuff.
If they are open this time of year, Marche Monge and one of the several Marche Puces (flea markets) can be interesting.
Fauchon is a store with fancy foods, candies etc., great for gifts.
Restaurants, well, like most big cities there's a lot of choice and they come and go. Our favorite thing is to go to a bakery and get bread (or croissants or whatever), then a cheese shop, then charcuterie and go have a picnic. Get yourself a French knife like Opinel or Laguiole for your food.
For us, what has always been fun in Paris, is to just walk and explore, without doing google searches (just maps when we're lost lol), just really explore. You'll stumble on things that you wont find on the interwebs. Cool little hole in the wall shops, restaurants. Last time we found an archaeological site that went back to Roman times. It was really interesting, they gave tours, but had no internet presence.
Hey, while you're at it, since you are a car guy, could you pick me up a Citroen 2CV? Preferably the van version since I could probably figure out a way to write that one off. TIA!
Have a great time!
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I`m going out on a limb here ! ....PIMO
by smiddy3 inpimo , as i said i`m going out on a limb here and i might upset some people ,but i really don`t think this is a real strategy that works and doesn`t help the person who is still in.. while you may be doing this to keep the peace in the household and keep relations somewhat stable in the family arrangement ,it`s not helping the person who is still under the control of wt/gb to break free from it ,and isn`t that what you would really like to happen ?.
and are their children involved as well ?
that`s another issue ,the longer they are subject to this control the harder it will be for them to disengage get free.. maybe you should re-evaluate what you could do more to help your partner / spouse or whatever to free themselves from this bondage they have involved themselves in.. [ of course their may be others who are quite happy to have their partners/mates under the control of the wt/gb.
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Queequeg
As several have already mentioned, there's no cookie cutter, one size fits all approach.
When I first started lurking on this site about 14 years ago, I knew that I wouldn't last too long in the JW cult.
I was desperate to figure out a way to escape with my wife. I started reading posts from the beginning of this forum up through the years, looking for ideas that had worked for people trying to get their significant others out. I started noticing a pattern. Generally, when people would say something like, "I can't do this anymore, this weekend I'm going to tell her/him the truth about JW.", it didn't go well. The exception was situations like Tameria2001 described above. I read other forums and saw the same thing.
Because of the examples that I'd read, I decided on the slow, steady, tortoise method of trying to help my wife. At a certain point, I could hardly stand entering a Kingdom Hall, being PIMO was incredibly stressful for me. I was able to keep faking just long enough to help my wife see the "truth". Not long after we left I had an endoscope (stomach scope) and the doctor asked my wife if I'd been under extreme stress in the recent past (I was still knocked out). My wife laughed and said, "Yes, why?" The doctor told her there were scars all over my stomach from recent ulcers!
Was it worth it? My wife says that she's pretty sure that if I'd hit her over the head with things, it wouldn't have gone well. Once or twice a year, I'll get a text or a card from my wife that says something like, "I saw a car group out in field service today. Thank you for loving me enough to help me get out of that awful religion!"
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Hobbies
by peacefulpete ini think it's been a while since this was asked.
tell us your hobbies, interests, pastimes, whatever you find enjoyable as a diversion from work and school.
i am lucky enough to live in a small cabin on a lake, i enjoy rowing my old boat and fishing, i play with car projects, and we travel as much as we can.
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Queequeg
I stir fry a lot!