about a year ago i went through a mild meltdown.
it hit me fast i had panic attacks and became angry with all the control in my life.
(being a jw) i had just found out i was being screwed on a real estate development project by another self righteous jw i have known for a long time but this was a big loss (about 4 months pay plus expenses).
hey, ur story bit like my own and evidently many others...
Either we are just raving apostates that are gonna be well an truely destroyed at armageddon, or we are just trying to break free and make some sense of the crap we have been fed for years... either way, heres to being happy??!!
so, just had one of our 'elders' ring to see how we are getting on and if we need any help etc.. when my hubby was honest and said we were ok and that we had decided to just move on with our lives and our family right now and concentrate on that and nothing else, but thanked him for their interest and care over last few months.... he replied by saying, ok, he would let the body of elders know this???
?, and he also reminded him to not forget "the times we are living in".... my husband told me the conversation after coming off the phone and now i feel, after being on a high the last couple of weeks (despite coming off my anti-d's cold turkey, drs orders) , i feel now actually really crap, quite scared and once again like i am making a bad decision for my kids... what is wrong with me!!!.
.
Thanks everyone, and cultclassics, yes tho being told for years to avoid these sites like the plague, my immediate reaction was, i wonder what these guys would have to say about this, tho knowing in my heart i felt this way too, some good points have been made here.
Especially about how certain phrases can lead our brains to kinda chain react...thus trigger guilt.. soo interesting.. i think i will go into psychology lol!
so, just had one of our 'elders' ring to see how we are getting on and if we need any help etc.. when my hubby was honest and said we were ok and that we had decided to just move on with our lives and our family right now and concentrate on that and nothing else, but thanked him for their interest and care over last few months.... he replied by saying, ok, he would let the body of elders know this???
?, and he also reminded him to not forget "the times we are living in".... my husband told me the conversation after coming off the phone and now i feel, after being on a high the last couple of weeks (despite coming off my anti-d's cold turkey, drs orders) , i feel now actually really crap, quite scared and once again like i am making a bad decision for my kids... what is wrong with me!!!.
.
thanks nelly, very interesting !
so, just had one of our 'elders' ring to see how we are getting on and if we need any help etc.. when my hubby was honest and said we were ok and that we had decided to just move on with our lives and our family right now and concentrate on that and nothing else, but thanked him for their interest and care over last few months.... he replied by saying, ok, he would let the body of elders know this???
?, and he also reminded him to not forget "the times we are living in".... my husband told me the conversation after coming off the phone and now i feel, after being on a high the last couple of weeks (despite coming off my anti-d's cold turkey, drs orders) , i feel now actually really crap, quite scared and once again like i am making a bad decision for my kids... what is wrong with me!!!.
.
Thanks LostGeneration. Funny you say about the phobia thing... i have had therapy in the last 3 years for OCD, or obsessive compulsive thinking... one major issue of mine being that of ill health and death (morbid i know).. granted i dont believe every witness is this way, my mother probably did not help my fears for one reason or another, but being raised a witness has always made me question whether my already fragile make up as a child was not nourished in the best of ways...
I see my little girls fears already being like my own at her age... now i am DESPERATE for her to not grow up obsessed with the fear of dying etc.. Im desperate to nourish her in the best possible way without making her fearful all her life.. No joke i have wasted the last 16 years of my life worrying about such morbid issues...
Funny how only recently (whether helped by my therapy, or my release from the 'organisation') have i started to realise that 'shit happens' but life is for living and we have to make the best of what we have, and try our bests to instill good morals into our children, and keep there little brains ticking realistically but happily.. (if ya get me)lol
its been a long time coming but i kinda think im finally at the point of no return....... right or wrong, i have spoken to my 'friends' about my new feelings and the fact i no longer believe that this is gods chosen people etc etc... and have already been told that if i was to now celebrate my childs birthdays , her 'truth' friends would not be able to come to sleep again and associate with her... (she is 7).
this is despite the fact they are allowed to play with there non witness friends who live down the road....why??
the explanation is that their daughter would perhaps feel it is ok to do this when it is not... i ask why could they not just simply explain it is not our family's belief anymore (as my husband is with me on my decision), and my response is that it would be difficult to do that as we once were witnesses and now are not so it would confuse her daughter and make her think its ok to do these things now... .
This i have heard before, a massive misprint ... whom to go to, not where to go to.. thank you inkie once again for your help.
I do continue to pray and am feeling happier than ever at the moment.. i just hope it continues and feelings of guilt etc dont hinder my future.
Like you said, if i continue to pray this way, i hopefully will only be pointed in the right direction from now on.
Thanks again !
so, just had one of our 'elders' ring to see how we are getting on and if we need any help etc.. when my hubby was honest and said we were ok and that we had decided to just move on with our lives and our family right now and concentrate on that and nothing else, but thanked him for their interest and care over last few months.... he replied by saying, ok, he would let the body of elders know this???
?, and he also reminded him to not forget "the times we are living in".... my husband told me the conversation after coming off the phone and now i feel, after being on a high the last couple of weeks (despite coming off my anti-d's cold turkey, drs orders) , i feel now actually really crap, quite scared and once again like i am making a bad decision for my kids... what is wrong with me!!!.
.
Sapphy yes i agree absolutly, and that point did go through my head..just guilt was there too, but as everyone has said i have been conditioned to think this way, i was brought up a witness and have been the last 29 years so as i have said before its hard to shake the doom and gloom!
Emma, im interested to know if you were once in my situation, just with you saying that your kids thanked you for the choice you made.. did you leave when they were young?
Yesterday was a hard day, my little girl asked if her JW friend would be allowed a peice of her birthday cake, when i said i dont think so she sobbed into the couch, and when i asked her what was wrong she said, wont i ever see them again??!!! It makes me want to cry now just thinking about her little face...its not our choice its theres...I do know as i have said before that she will move on and adjust better than us but its still so sad that for the last near 8 years of her life her best 2 friends are JW's...no more
Guess it as just hard for me to see, as my friends too of 29 years or certainly the last 20 years are no longer friends of mine and thats not through any choice of mine.
Brotherdan..not sure exactly what the elders are needing to know...gues that we wont be going anymore...dunno why exactly they need to know that, should i now expect another phone call from perhaps the congregation overseer..i dont know what happens now.. i just know im wanting to live my life now, but dont want to be DF of DA myself as this obviously makes the whole situation with family more awkward?
its been a long time coming but i kinda think im finally at the point of no return....... right or wrong, i have spoken to my 'friends' about my new feelings and the fact i no longer believe that this is gods chosen people etc etc... and have already been told that if i was to now celebrate my childs birthdays , her 'truth' friends would not be able to come to sleep again and associate with her... (she is 7).
this is despite the fact they are allowed to play with there non witness friends who live down the road....why??
the explanation is that their daughter would perhaps feel it is ok to do this when it is not... i ask why could they not just simply explain it is not our family's belief anymore (as my husband is with me on my decision), and my response is that it would be difficult to do that as we once were witnesses and now are not so it would confuse her daughter and make her think its ok to do these things now... .
Thanks again Inkie i will defo be doing some more bible reading!!
so, just had one of our 'elders' ring to see how we are getting on and if we need any help etc.. when my hubby was honest and said we were ok and that we had decided to just move on with our lives and our family right now and concentrate on that and nothing else, but thanked him for their interest and care over last few months.... he replied by saying, ok, he would let the body of elders know this???
?, and he also reminded him to not forget "the times we are living in".... my husband told me the conversation after coming off the phone and now i feel, after being on a high the last couple of weeks (despite coming off my anti-d's cold turkey, drs orders) , i feel now actually really crap, quite scared and once again like i am making a bad decision for my kids... what is wrong with me!!!.
.
So, just had one of our 'elders' ring to see how we are getting on and if we need any help etc.. when my hubby was honest and said we were ok and that we had decided to just move on with our lives and our family right now and concentrate on that and nothing else, but thanked him for their interest and care over last few months.... he replied by saying, ok, he would let the body of elders know this????, and he also reminded him to not forget "the times we are living in"...
My husband told me the conversation after coming off the phone and now i feel, after being on a high the last couple of weeks (despite coming off my anti-d's cold turkey, drs orders) , i feel now actually really crap, quite scared and once again like i am making a bad decision for my kids... WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!
this was brought up just in passing on another thread.
but i wanted to see if there are any bethelites or ex bethelites that remember some of the crazy rules we had to follow when we were there..
"While I do not agree with the leadership, I have true love for the people that have gone through these things. I think that's why I get sensitive on this site (as many of you know and will attest to). There are some people that are so blind and lost...but they aren't evil people. They are strong of character and even strong of mind. But they are lost because of the demon inspired guidings of this organization. It makes me sick. I wish I could force them out. But I can't. These kind and loyal men and women are stuck. I can only hope and pray that they will someday see the truth and come out."
Brotherdan... my thoughts EXACTLY
Tho i am glad to be 'out' i do believe there are some geunuine misguided souls, and they HAVE to be admired for their faith...
we know in the jw realm, satan is believed to be the main cause of all the wickedness going on in our world today.
after taking a quick look at news headlines, and seeing the crap going on around us, i personally don't find that so hard to believe.
but i wanted to see how you guys handle the tragedies and wickedness going on around us?
I agree with everything said here, but also think just cus you are no longer a JW does not mean you cannot believe there is still a 'satan' roving about the earth causing wickedness...hence so much badness.
Just a thought, and something that helps me to cope with the badness...
