Dear Jes,
Thank you for sharing your struggle with us. As a Christian Bible believer I am hoping your faith in God will be strengthened as your faith in men and their claims diminish. Men will abandon and shun you if you DA yourself. That is to be expected. If you decide to fade you may find some help from a poster on this forum who wrote the following on Escaping From JW Land.
“I am Physically In Mentally Out (PIMO) and for years have struggled with how to break free from JW Land since it has defined my whole life. Over time, I have determined you need to approach it somewhat like a large project and here is my summary project plan that some may find useful when "the truth about the truth" becomes a reality in your life.
- TAKE TIME TO PROCESS THIS: Don't make any quick decisions. Take a breath, relax and promise yourself you will not act rashly or lash out in any way. Acting quickly or rashly will likely cause more problems than be helpful. Try to keep anger, emotion and action on-hold as you process.
- EDUCATE YOURSELF/GET HELP: Many, many existing JWs are in your same situation (like me). Read the Wiki here, read JWFacts and other sites suggested by ones here. Consider registering a generic anonymous email address so that you can logon to Reddit to benefit from all the help here. The more knowledgeable you are on how to proceed once you have TTATT - then the better life you can have as you execute a plan.
- EMBRACE YOUR CHALLENGE: If you are realizing TTATT, then this is a fight for your life!!! Your family and friends likely have not embraced TTATT. You need to understand, this is going to be hard. You may need to be fake and play games to make things manageable in your life. You will need to work hard to successfully adjust your life with your desire to extract yourself from JW Land - in some cases it can take years to do this.
- SEE THE BIG PICTURE: Your goal is to escape JW Land and have a good life. So you likely need to live with some difficult circumstances now to reach that goal. Try to leave too fast before you are prepared for success can leave you in a very difficult place. As opposed to confronting and trying to awaken your friends/family - consider being more passive and simply changing the subject or agreeing with what JWs in your life say. Confronting friends/family about TTATT can backfire in a major way and make your life more difficult.
- MAKE A PLAN/GET SUPPORT: You are not alone. Many, many JWs are struggling with TTATT. Start to do some of the things in this plan and you may find it is easier than you thought. People here will help you plan and will support you. Do not be afraid to ask for help. There is a wealth of knowledge on this site, far too much to include in a post like this.
- VALUE YOURSELF: Embrace that you need to value and focus on yourself (and your immediate family). If you are younger, get an education and seek out the best employment you can find. If you are an adult, save your money and seek out the best financial situation possible. Take care of your health. Get a job with healthcare coverage. It takes money to live! JW Land is not going to save you when you are broke and 80 years old (I know this since my parents are in this situation). You need a measure of financial security and the org will never help you with that.
- DO NOT GET BAPTIZED: Stall, delay, defer, cry, kick, scream, etc. Within reason, do anything you can to avoid getting baptized. Being baptized makes escaping more complicated and makes future family relationships more difficult. If you are not baptized then you immediately escape many other "special privileges" that make it harder to escape. This likely only applies to younger ones on this forum - but should be followed by anyone not yet baptized.
- STOP DONATING: Pure and simple - stop giving money to JW Land. Every dollar you give to JW Land perpetuates the lies and allows the deceptions to continue. Every dollar you give means less financial security for you and your family. You likely need the money and do not have it to give away. This is one of the fastest ways to impact the org.
- STOP VOLUNTEERING: Say NO! to mowing the Kingdom Hall (KH) lawn, No! to quick builds, No! to cleaning the KH, No! to maintenance and the list goes on. It may be hard the first time you tell a brother that is trying to guilt you into providing free labor.... but it gets easier each and every time. Learn to say NO....the brothers and sisters cannot do anything to you if you just say NO.
- STEP DOWN: If you enjoy a "special privilege" such as CO, Bethelite, Elder, MS, Pioneer, etc....... then consider a plan to "stop serving" or "step down". JW Land cannot survive without huge numbers of volunteers to enforce the rules and regulations of the JW way of life. Every person that leaves a "special assignment" makes it that much more difficult to preserve JW Land structures. It takes courage to do this and can be scary. However, once you have TTATT there is one main way to stop the lies, deceptions and endless peer pressure - simply stop supporting an organizational structure that harms people. Those with "special privileges in the truth" enable the JW organization to continue harming people.
- MAKE GOOD NON-JW FRIENDS: Seek out friendships with people that can help you succeed in life. Escaping JW Land is just a first step, you ultimately want a good life. Having friends that want this too will be a HUGE help! Being smart/educated, being a person with a good job/income, being a person that values and respects others (and loves both Father and Son) These are but a few qualities to look for in friends.
- GET A JOB: Having money to survive is critical to successfully leaving JW Land. The sooner you learn to work and save money the better. I learned to work and get paid at a young age - you can too. I cannot say this too much - if you do not have enough money - life is going to tough as you try to leave JW Land. Making good friends can also help in this area.
- MOVE OUT/GET A ROOM MATE: See point above about making good friends. Being able to move out and share expenses can be an enormous benefit to your overall plan with good friends.
- FADE AWAY: Simply put, do less and less with anything related to being a JW. Fading is very specific to your situation. How to do it right is different for everyone. Ask for help on your specific situation and you will get a multitude of ideas that may apply."
God bless,
Vanderhoven