You are most certainly not the only one, wannabefree. Many many jw's belive they can subtly influence the developement of their family and congregation. Some becomes elders, thinking they can influence the spirit of the congregation. The problem is, that it is all a lie, but a lie, that may keep the members tied to the Organisation because "they're not that bad". And so, with time, they may start to listen to the public speaks, the CO's call for them to be pioneers that "helps" people, actually read the articles becoming true jw's in time.
I think that I had some older friends who tried to influence me this way. The result was I became a pioneer, dedicating my life to serve the Organisation's needs. Now, I do not look that kindly on them, though I believe they meant well.
I know the implication and complications. It is not so easy and not always very simple, but I believe that good ole x-jv Michael Jackson actually had a good point:
They're Out To Get You, Better Leave While You Can
Don't Wanna Be A Boy, You Wanna Be A Man
You Wanna Stay Alive, Better Do What You Can
So Beat It, Just Beat It
You Have To Show Them That You're Really Not Scared
You're Playin' With Your Life, This Ain't No Truth Or Dare
They'll Kick You, Then They Beat You,
Then They'll Tell You It's Fair
So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad
Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It