There's lots of valid points you've made raymond frantz.
They usually follow up with another article, either in the same magazine or the following magazine 'directed' at the wives.
They are so stupid when it comes to serious topics like this. They've realized there is a need to address the issue again because of the abuse going on and appoint a writer or group of writers to present an article on it. Then, I imagine, the writer doesn't even consider bringing up how the couple should deal with issues together because they are only dealing with the one sex at a time.
They've listed six steps that an abusive husband needs to take. Being 'steps' they should be all inclusive.
These are their steps, note that these are the same steps if he is looking at pornography with a few comments by me -
First, he recognizes that he has a serious problem. Nothing is hidden from Jehovah’s sight. (Ps. 44:21; Eccl. 12:14; Heb. 4:13)
How is the husband supposed to recognize that he has a problem and a 'serious' one at that? At what point does raising your voice become abusive and when does looking at porn become a serious problem? When it happens once, or twice...? Even a alcoholic often doesn't recognize that he/she has a problem until something significant happens.
Second, he stops abusing his wife and changes his behavior. (Prov. 28:13)
Well that was easy. We are only at Step 2 and have the problem solved.
Third, he apologizes to his wife and to Jehovah and seeks their forgiveness. (Acts 3:19) He should also beg Jehovah for both the desire to change and the help to control his thoughts, speech, and actions. (Ps. 51:10-12; 2 Cor. 10:5; Phil. 2:13)
Shouldn't this have been step 1?
There's nothing wrong in this other than the fact that too often, apologies are empty words and the behaviour continues.
Also, apologizing just isn't enough. A good man would do something kind and sincere to show his sorrow for what he has done.
Fourth, he acts in harmony with his prayers by learning to hate all forms of violence and abusive speech. (Ps. 97:10)
That is a lovely sentiment but more than a tough one to enact, if not impossible. We are sinful human beings and we will have bad thoughts. As much as we try, I don't think it is even possible to hate all forms of violence and abusive speech. The Roadrunner and Ben and Jerry come to mind for a start. That would really restrict what we watch on tele or the video games that we would play. Do we hate the police because they may physically defend us or protect us from criminals by inflicting harm to them?
Fifth, he seeks immediate help from loving shepherds in the congregation. (Jas. 5:14-16)
Is this a step to follow every time he has been abusive by raising his voice or looking at any porn? As for seeking their help immediately, isn't that an overexageration? Aren't there more urgent issues like seeing to the wife, whether she needs assistance, medical help, or other support?
Sixth, he develops a plan that will help him to avoid all such behavior in the future.
As a final step, he is told that he should develop a plan to help himself avoid abuse. What on earth did he talk to the Shepherds for? This step shows a complete lack of understanding of how a marriage works. As raymond frantz points out, there are no discussions with his wife and no way of understanding of how the dynamics work in their relationship in order to solve issues.
Another problem is that a Brother can choose to go to the Elders with or without his wife but a wife must have her husband there if she goes to the Elders. It's unlikely to result in any real marriage counselling and even more so because they are not qualified counsellors.
