Your words and questions are merely statements of what you've already concluded, yes?
Yes, SA, much in the same way as you. I am 58 years old, was raised a Catholic, studied under the Watchtower then continued on my own, saw a different light from what you see. I have come to the conclusion that the God of the Bible does not exist. However, and this is perhaps the major difference between me and you, I will change my mind if presented with sufficiently convincing evidence, the same kind of evidence reported in the Bible to convince skeptical others. Show me a resurrection, preferably of someone I loved in life, someone I can talk to and laugh with and hold and love again, and I will fall down on my knees and I will weep with overwhelming joy and I will believe. That's all I need. What do you need to change your mind?
By the way, it is Nickolas, with a k.