Posts by bloominglotus

10

Parents confronted by their adult children.......

by Snoozy in

i just noticed that the dr phil show today (on at 3 pm here) is titled " parents are confronted by their adult children over alleged childhood wrongs".. should be interesting!.

wonder if any will be jw's?.

snoozy.

bloominglotus

when u say "confront" what exactly do u mean?

13

Need Your Opinion

by bloominglotus in

jw
friends

hi u guys,.

lately i've been doing a lot of reflection about my life.

sometimes i would have overwhelming emotions come up ranging from anger, bitterness, sadness to relief.

I appreciate your responses and they are really giving me something to think about. If it make any difference, my kids are 3 and 2. So they are very much young. When my mom goes in FS she doesnt meet with the group and pretty much do her own thing whether it be parking lot, letter, BS or RV....

13

Need Your Opinion

by bloominglotus in

jw
friends

hi u guys,.

lately i've been doing a lot of reflection about my life.

sometimes i would have overwhelming emotions come up ranging from anger, bitterness, sadness to relief.

bloominglotus

Hi u guys,

Lately I've been doing a lot of reflection about my life. Sometimes I would have overwhelming emotions come up ranging from anger, bitterness, sadness to relief. My husband has really been there for me and today he told me he actually feel we are connected now particularly spiritually. I have been able to clearly see the difference as well. We both would rather not be associated with any religion because we simply feel that religion does nothing more than to try to put you in a box. I mean why do people have to claim a religion anyway? I suppose spirituality is like college....u have to declare a major....and that in order for one to be spirit'l u have to claim a religion...so they say

Well me and my mom have somewhat come to terms about a few things and to be honest we rarely talk about religion anymore. Well, there's been a few times she would bring up about how I have been feeling as far as my "spirituality" according to her. She offered to send a WT that talks about "negative" thinking. I kindly refused it and told her the measures I've been taking as far as coming at peace with myself and battling with depression have really been working. Since I am an herbalist, I have told her how a lot of herbs are aiding in my healing process emotionally,physically and mentally. There was no big fuss about it and we went on and talked about something else. But lately she's been talking about RVs, BSs and her experiences and to be honest I really dont want to hear about it. Its like I know how much her life is centered around this org and I know she has much zeal about what she do, so I really try not to burst her bubble lol and be quiet and "act" like Im listening. On the other hand, I am still in the healing process and frankly dont want to hear this brainwashing ya know? How would u handle this situation?

Also, before she got an earful of how I truly felt about the org., my husband and I planned on going somewhere out of town soon and my mom offered to watch the kids. Recently when I asked if she could still watch the kids, she reluctantly said yes. Then she said,"Well u know I go in service Sat. mornings so Im a have to bring the kids with me...and I dont know how u all (me and my husband) would feel about that.." It was an awkward silence at that point. I really didnt know what to say. On one hand, I appreciate her respecting my feelings. That definitely surprised me! On another hand, I had a few qualms about exposing my daughters to that type of stuff again. I mean bad enough I had them engaged in it with me a few times. I just dont want any type of thinking to rub off on them. I mean I know my mom means well but unfortunately her brainwashing seems to take precendece over a lot of things even if its inadvertently. On the other hand, its been awhile since she's seen her grandkids and she loves them dearly and I really want them to have that relationship with their granny and grandpa. Well after the awkward silence, for some strange reason I ended up saying that its fine that they can accompany u. Now Im not too sure if I made the right decision. I need your opinion on how to handle this please...

26

Maybe some truth to JW being Scientology for Black people, singer Omarion a JW now..

by miseryloveselders in

jw
friends

sorry if i'm late on this........... http://allhiphop.com/stories/alternatives/archive/2010/02/16/22125881.aspx.

allhiphop.com: what scares you the most?.

omarion: i am not afraid of anything.

bloominglotus

The symbology in this video is very interesting,....

39

My Life has been a total wreck

by bloominglotus in

hi u guys, this is my first post.

i really dont know where to start except for now i have found out the truth about the "truth".

she asked if i want to still be a jw and i said no.

bloominglotus

thank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement and advice.... they have been very helpful... I definitely plan on reading those books to get more insight.You just dont know how good it feels to talk to ones who've been thru this ordeal. I literally have no friends, but my husband of course lol....but u know what I mean. It's very hard for me to make new friends...i dont know why...but yea...

The past few days my mom has been calling. At first, we would have our casual convo but then of course she would bring up about my newfound knowledge. I would repeatedly tell her I would rather not talk about it at the moment because right now I am still trying to come at peace with myself and get a better understanding of some things. She would be very persistent but eventually she gave up due to my assertiveness. A few minutes later my sister calls me to tell me that my mom was crying and she suggested that I not bring up anything else about that subject. I told my sister that honestly I wasnt the one who brought it up,she was.

Now to give a little background about our family, almost 10 yrs ago my dad had a stroke while giving a talk. It left my dad disabled with my mom taking care of my dad. I know she deals with depression as well; She has been reg.pioneering for a couple yrs. now and in the convos we would have together she would tell me how devoting full time in the ministry has kept her busy and helped ease her mind. She still pretty much stay to herself within the cong though and has even expressed to me how some of the brothers and sisters treat her-in hurtful ways. She does a lot of letter witnessing. Lately she's been relating to me experiences of people writing letters back and I can see how this has uplifted her spirit. I guess its therapeutic for her and her life pretty much revolves around the organization. She may be afraid of losing everything that's pretty much kept her somewhat sane...i dont know..

Now I just got off the phone with my mom and she was really trying to reason with me as to JW being the true religion. I told her upfront i didnt want to talk about it at the moment. I asked her if her love for me is just based around this religion and she said no and that she truly love me and thats why she wants me to see I am headed down the wrong path. It's sort of a blur...our whole conversation...I kinda remember her trying to prove to me that Isaiah 43: 10 applies to them as for the name they were given. I was sort of ignoring her because I really didnt want to hang up in her face. Then she asked where I was getting this info. from. I said my own independent research,libraries, certain sites. Then she went rambling about the danger of viewing info that says anything negative about org. I said well if u want to remain in ignorance thats fine,mom. If someone says something contrary to what u believe in and if u feel in your heart that what you believe in is the truth than u shouldnt worry about the contrary if its supposedly the "truth" right? I told her one should not have fear of the unknown. Then at that point she said she wanted to see this info. Then the phone went out. Her battery died. So I know she will be calling back so what should I tell her?

39

My Life has been a total wreck

by bloominglotus in

hi u guys, this is my first post.

i really dont know where to start except for now i have found out the truth about the "truth".

she asked if i want to still be a jw and i said no.

bloominglotus

thanks VampireDCLXV for being a listening ear.....as far as keeping my mouth shut about religion...whenever my mom and I would talk to each other over the phone, I would never bring up anything about religion. SHE'S always the one trying to getter a better understanding of where I'm coming from and then it leads to a convo about religion...At that point what should I tell her?

39

My Life has been a total wreck

by bloominglotus in

hi u guys, this is my first post.

i really dont know where to start except for now i have found out the truth about the "truth".

she asked if i want to still be a jw and i said no.

bloominglotus

Hi yesidid,

Thanks for being a listening ear and for the advice...I will definitely not rush anything..

39

My Life has been a total wreck

by bloominglotus in

hi u guys, this is my first post.

i really dont know where to start except for now i have found out the truth about the "truth".

she asked if i want to still be a jw and i said no.

bloominglotus

Hi grandamajones,

Thanks for listening....thanks for the advice...I definitely will just breath and tell me my mom I need time to think... I guess in the instance the saying "Time heals all wounds" will definitely apply.

39

My Life has been a total wreck

by bloominglotus in

hi u guys, this is my first post.

i really dont know where to start except for now i have found out the truth about the "truth".

she asked if i want to still be a jw and i said no.

bloominglotus

audasapere, yea I posted in firefox and for some reason its not allowing me to repy to anyone's post...an error msg comes up. Right now Im logged in Internet explorer and I still cant reply...oh well. Thanks for the welcome! Sorry about the LONNNNGGGG intro....I guess I felt I needed to fully explain and now I have a sense of relief. Thanks for being a listening ear!

39

My Life has been a total wreck

by bloominglotus in

hi u guys, this is my first post.

i really dont know where to start except for now i have found out the truth about the "truth".

she asked if i want to still be a jw and i said no.

bloominglotus

hi u guys, this is my first post. I really dont know where to start except for now I have found out the TRUTH about the "truth". But anyways, I was raised as a JW then at 18 I got disfellowshiped. I was smoking,having sex,mom found out and kept telling me the need to tell the elders. So I did and at that point I really didnt care and wanted to do what I wanted to do. So because of that I was disfellowshiped. A couple months later Hurricane Katrina occurred. Now I was still disfellowshipped and my parents wanted me to evacuate with them(even during my DF state they still were talking to me because I was still living in their household) but I wanted to do my own thing so they left and I stayed behind.

I was right down there in New Orleans amidst the chaos going on in New Orleans. I stayed with some co-workers. Witnessing events that werent reported by the media such as racists shooting black people and the military basically taking control of the city. I remember vividly seeing a soldier on top of a tank rolling down the street pointing a gun at me telling me to get back in the house due to a curfew. Overall that experience was very traumatic for me,also considering the fact that a couple months I was shunned and lost former "friends". Anyways, I ended up hitching a ride to Houston,Texas while on the journey up there staying in a shelter. When I finally made it to Houston, I was able to get in contact with parents. They stayed about 2hrs away from me in Texas. I ended up getting help from local Houstonians and was able to find an apartment. Now I went to visit my parents but I didnt want to live with them but wanted to be on my own. I guess it was more of me wanting to experience life without being "encouraged" to go to the meetings and being "witnessed" to by my mom.

I ended up meeting my now husband. Unfortunately I went thru ANOTHER traumatic experience and that was an abortion which initially didnt affect me whatsoever but later on down the line I felt a lot of guilt about what I went thru. As of now I've come to acceptance and have forgiven myself. It took me a while though. Anyways, I started feeling like there was some sort of void in my life, spiritually. During this time, I would visit and talk to my mom about my feelings, and of course she would encourage me to "come back to Jehovah". I got pregnant again so I started going to the meetings again so that I can "do whats right for me and my child" and "spare their life at Armageddon".To be honest I was only being motivated by fear and a sense of belonging and a sense of "getting my relationship back with Jehovah."

At that time I wasnt going to the meetings on a regular basis, still doing my own thing. I ended up studying with a sister who was an elder's wife in order to be reinstated. Very sweet couple.Probably almost a yr later I was reinstated. I started going in field service, and I remember distinctly one time me and the sister I studied with were talking about how she ran across a woman who was a Seventh Day Adventist. Then the sister mentioned how she believe JW broke off from that particular sect. I didnt think anything of it at the time though. After being at that cong for several months we moved. It was bitter sweet because I had a friendship with that sister not just within the cong but outside as well. When we moved to the new area severe Depression started settling in. The whole act of separating and moving to another area was troubling to me and it was pretty much outside of my comfort zone. I think it stemmed from my PTSD.

It was a couple months until I started going to the new local cong due to it being hard for me to readjust to a new area. I finally got up the nerves, me and my two young girls, to go to the meetings. My husband shown no interest in the religion. I just didnt feel comfortable at this cong. I felt like one of the elders were racist thats a whole notha story. And I overall I just felt alone even though the "friends" were there but I wanted my husband at my side too. Me and my husband would constantly have arguments...basically me pushing hims towards going to the meetings but he blatantly refused. So I got discouraged and stopped going. Some brothers and sisters were calling me but I wouldnt answer. I just didnt want to be bothered. I was going thru major depression. There was a time when I wanted to kill myself and was doing drugs and heavy drinking. My husband has really helped me though my ordeal and now I am feeling much better.

One day I heard a ring at the door bell and it was an elder,his family and a sister. They were the main ones I spoke to in the new cong. Matter of fact, the elder and his wife came to TX from New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina as well. I broke down in tears relating to them about my PTSD and Major depression and one of the sisters hugged me and was crying as well. After that, that was the last I heard from them....Its been 3mos and no one has called to see how I've been doing not even the elders.

Now I cant remember how I stumbled across this site but I started reading experiences and looking up info about Mind control programming, Mk Ultra, cults and the true history of JW. I started relating to my husband the info and he said he been knew that. And I was like why didnt you tell me and he said, "Well I TRIED but you were so defensive and quickly dismissed it." I was like,"HMMMM....WOW!" And I started apologizing to him and I started crying and he held me.

Then one day I was in the store, and I was talking to my mom on the phone. She asked me if I've been going to the meetings and I said No and she asked why. I was like 'Oh boy...' I really wasnt prepared to talk to her yet and the first thing that came to mind was the history of JW. So I asked her do you know the true history of JW. Then she mentioned about Rutherford and blah blah blah. Then the moment I said something about Russell she got all defensive and was like we dont follow him no more. I did more listening more than anything because everytime I would say something she would rudely cut me off as if she didnt want to hear what I had to say. After a long conversation she said she couldnt talk to me. Two days she calls me and I make no mention of our last discussion however she does. Then she said she was concerned that I was turning into an apostate. I asked," Mom, what is an apostate?" She told me the WT's definition and then I tried to reason with her as to how illogical it is to denounce someone evil if they dont agree with the teachings of the organization. I mentioned about the teachings changing throughout the years then of course she says how the light is getting brighter and blah blah blah. But I said,"If this is truly an organizations spirit directed by God, God is perfect so that means everything will be truth from the beginning...there would be no faltering of teachings. She really couldnt say nothing but kept asking where are u getting this info. from? Are u reading apostate info? Then I mention about the history and I so happen to remember that sister I studied with confirming my research of it being broke off from Seventh Day Adventist. I mentioned how the sister even said it and boy oh boy she was fired up. She said she was going to report the sister and tell the brothers on me. She asked if I want to still be a JW and I said NO. Then she said well youre going to have to tell the brothers and disassociate yourself and Im like ok mom. Then she said its the same as being DF'd and Im saying to myself how that didnt matter because when I was DF'd u were still talking to me lol. Then my younger sister called who is not baptized and is not living at home with my parents. She said, "Mama said something about how u may becoming an apostate." So I told her everything and she actually agreed with me. She said that's why she never got baptized because something just wasnt right and her heart wasnt really in it.

So now I am stuck, one part of me wants to DA myself the other part of me wants to just drift away. Im just really concerned about my parents. This is a dangerous cult and I guess Im scared this cult may lead them down a destructive path. I am truly afraid of losing my parents because I truly do have a good relationship with them. Now my mom is threatening to get this sister involved and tell the elders on me and her and I just dont know what to do. I feel reaching their hearts is hopeless.... :- ( Not only that I am a total wreck mentally and emotionally from being raised in this cult,being disfellowshipped, trauma from Hurricane Katrina,abortion and now concern for my parents lives. I believe in a Creator but no longer call him by Jehovah. Im not sure whether I want to continue not celebrating holidays or what. I just want to do the right thing and not deprive my girls. I mean due to my independent research I still dont want to celebrate a lot of holidays due to philosophical reasons. I dont want to inadvertantly be worshipping another god while celebrating certain Holidays either. Any advice?