When you fade you are hiding in the closet.
I read an awesome quote by Dan Savage about a week ago. He was writing to a female who had some type of unusual fetish and was scared of coming out of the closet. He told her that she needed to own who she was and the great thing about being locked in the closet is that it is locked from the inside and you can come out whenever YOU want to.
My feelings on fading notwithstanding, I hope you find the strength you need to move forward with your life.
pbrow