I'd been toying with the idea of getting myself a christmas tree someday. Then I realized I wouldn't know what to do about it. What do they put them up for? And christams parties, i have no idea what would be expected of me in one. It's a great idea of darkuncle's to spend time with non-JW's family over the holidays, though. I guess they could teach me to enjoy instead of judge everyone around me at Christmas :)
ele_lux
JoinedPosts by ele_lux
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7
A sense of displacement--holidays and what not
by sd-7 insome days it's a sense of almost temporal displacement--perhaps the belief that someone went back in time and changed something, so that this moment is not what it was meant to be.
other days it's a literal displacement, waking up alone, since i move too much in my sleep and it became clear that i should sleep separately from my wife.
anyway, i feel this odd, hollow sense of sadness.
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What is the meaning of true spirituality?
by ele_lux ini was trying to figure out the answer to this question when i came across my notes of a talk by the do in the 09 circuit convention.
he said the world defined "spirituality" however it would suit them; according to their own religion.
he gave example definitions of spirituality (being in touch with nature, spiritism, going to church and reading the bible, etc.
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ele_lux
I was trying to figure out the answer to this question when i came across my notes of a talk by the DO in the 09 circuit convention. He said the world defined "spirituality" however it would suit them; according to their own religion. He gave example definitions of spirituality (being in touch with nature, spiritism, going to Church and reading the Bible, etc.) And then he revealed to the audience what spiritualy REALLY is: "Having Jehovah's point of view on matters and acting accordingly" (Rom. 8:5).
I remeber thinking "I really gotta memorize that". I only think of memorizing things when they are not logical enough in my head, so I just have to keep them as word-by-word truths for future reference.
But now I think Jehovah's Witnesses' definition is also whatever suited them. So what does "spirituality" really mean?
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any active or inactive jw from Massachusetts
by TheLoveDoctor inany active or inactive jw from massachusetts.
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ele_lux
"Massachusetts is the apostate capital of the world!"
I'm so thrilled my little brother who is struggling so hard to free from the Witnesses is hopefully moving to MA soon! We're in Mexico right now and we are each other's only local support...
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Conscious Class: Do you still go in field service?
by brotherdan ini know there are some of the "conscious class" on the board (i.e.
yknot, miseryloveselders,elderelite,etc...) do you guys still go in the field ministry?
and if so, what do you focus on?
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ele_lux
"I was however prepared to whatever outcome."
I guess this is why I can't take chances and talk to my elders yet.... I'm thinking I'm just gonna let them do their job and come chase after me. I'm not gonna show up at the hall or another service meeting, and when confronted, I'll never bring up anything doctrinal or about the organization. I'll just say i'm tired and need space until they get tired and leave me alone. I might still have to endure CO visits, but i'll have to figure something out. How do you guys go about the CO trying to meet with you?
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Conscious Class: Do you still go in field service?
by brotherdan ini know there are some of the "conscious class" on the board (i.e.
yknot, miseryloveselders,elderelite,etc...) do you guys still go in the field ministry?
and if so, what do you focus on?
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ele_lux
I explained to couple of Elders why it would be inappropriate and they agreed.
how'd you do that?
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Conscious Class: Do you still go in field service?
by brotherdan ini know there are some of the "conscious class" on the board (i.e.
yknot, miseryloveselders,elderelite,etc...) do you guys still go in the field ministry?
and if so, what do you focus on?
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ele_lux
I'm SO happy for you, will_the_apostate. I really hope in time i can be where you are now. Today I'm happy because I'm realizing a couple things are actually working on my favor:
1) There are only two elders in my congregation, and they are both struggling with REALLY tough situations in their personal lives, so they don't have as much time to see for the flock.
2) In my hall I'm known for getting "sick" out of the blue as far as everybody know. What it really is is I get seriously depressed from Witness frustrations and i miss meetings and service for days or even weeks in a row (not normal in a regular pioneer, but they are used to it with me by now).
3) My parents hate talking about family issues outside the family, so they would never tell on me to the elders.
4) My little brother (19-year-old) is being totally supportive and trying to find his way out as well.
5) I have you guys here who are an amazing encouragement and have great advice.
So I'm optimistic about this whole thing.
Of course i realize once i'm absent for a month, 2 months... they will figure out it's not my normal sick periods and start asking questions. There's also the possibility of my mom dying of humiliation if i get caught as an "apostate" and get df'd (I have reasons to believe she could literally die). So it's not all great, but I'm hopeful.
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Conscious Class: Do you still go in field service?
by brotherdan ini know there are some of the "conscious class" on the board (i.e.
yknot, miseryloveselders,elderelite,etc...) do you guys still go in the field ministry?
and if so, what do you focus on?
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ele_lux
Wow, the abilities you guys have developed are amazing. I don't think I can ever go on FS again. I'm in an indigenous language congregation in Mexico, and since our territory is huge, we go out for 6-8 hours a day with only one short break around 1 pm. So i could never stand faking for so long.... In my case I think it's especially around the brothers that I find it the hardest. Talking about "spiritual" things all the time, and faking the Witness frame of mind.... it's exhausting. Plus we only get to where the territory starts in cars; the rest of the day we walk all over. Not an easy sacrifice for me.
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Conscious Class: Do you still go in field service?
by brotherdan ini know there are some of the "conscious class" on the board (i.e.
yknot, miseryloveselders,elderelite,etc...) do you guys still go in the field ministry?
and if so, what do you focus on?
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ele_lux
Hey Ding. I try to open your msg but it says
Sorry, an error occurred while processing your request.
and i can't see it. Will it open it later? Or can you e-mail me instead? [email protected]
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Conscious Class: Do you still go in field service?
by brotherdan ini know there are some of the "conscious class" on the board (i.e.
yknot, miseryloveselders,elderelite,etc...) do you guys still go in the field ministry?
and if so, what do you focus on?
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ele_lux
Thank all of you guys so much. When you're a witness you come to believe that everyone outside the Organization (not "the truth", thanks Sab) is a horrible person. And ESPECIALLY so-called apostates, which i guess witnesses would say all of us are right now... But I see there's an amazing comunity out here and that gives me hope that this process won't be impossible to bear.
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Conscious Class: Do you still go in field service?
by brotherdan ini know there are some of the "conscious class" on the board (i.e.
yknot, miseryloveselders,elderelite,etc...) do you guys still go in the field ministry?
and if so, what do you focus on?
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ele_lux
Thanks wannabefree. You have no idea how great it feels to have someone say "amazing and congratulations" when all others are saying I'm doomed....
Well, I started pioneering at 13, a year after i got baptized. I had promised Jehovah I'd give him my all, so I was convinced that pioneering was my only consistent life choice. 2 years later though, I had to quit full-time service because i was forced into highschool (back then i thought schooling was evil, like the WT had taught me). The feeling of having betrayed Jehovah triggered clinical depression on me, and I've been depressed ever since. For many years I thought the only solution to my condition was pioneering again, but once I was finally out of college and free, I realized I felt so emotinally ill that I couldn't even do my time when I tried. So I started on medication of all sorts, but refused seeing a Psychiatrist.
Influenced by a Bethelite friend and the CO's wife, I signed up for regular pioneering anyway. And it's been 2 horrible years of feeling guilty for not being able to make Jehovah happy... Through the years I'd had doubts regarding doctrine, and especially Organizational ways. But like many, I said to myself I was here for Jehovah, and I reminded myself I had promised to serve him forever...
Until last october 20th, I was lying in bed in the middle of the night, giving myself a guilt trip for not wanting to go on service the next day, and for the first time I allowed myself to think "Jehovah is extremely hard to please, if only I could call the shots to my own life I wouldn't be so depressed...." But I started thinking of my family and thought it was impossible to quit. So I thought "what if i just killed myself?" (not a new thought for me), But same thing, I couldn't do that to my family....
I finally realized the best way to die was at Armageddon, because no one would miss me and I would know for a fact that was the right thing to have happened to me. I fell asleep to that thought.
The next morning, my little brother came into my room and noticed my gloomy look, and he was through with it. So he stroke a surprising conversation that revealed we were both very ungappy with "the Truth". That finally opened my eyes, and the second I allowed myself to THINK for myself, I had an endless list of reasons why the Jehovah's Witnesses could not be the one true religion. It was extremely surprising to me the feeling of FREEDOM and PEACE I had just admitting to myself that I was on the wrong path, and I needed to get off of it.
Of course, that's when the hard stuff started. How do I tell my parents (I already sort of did)? Do I just stop attending the meetings and service? What about my Bible students? How do I tell my friends? I don't know anyone or anything about the world, how do I jump in? IS there a true religion? Is the Bible even inspired by God? Does God even exist????
It's only been a couple weeks, so I'm still trying to figure out a lot of it. What I really feel right now is that I need to talk to others that have been through this, because my brother is just as clueless as I am. Difference is, he was never too active in the truth, so he doesn't have friends from the hall calling and e-mailing every day, and he's busy enough with college to not mind wasting a few hour at meetings and even Sunday service.
If anyone would like to talk, my MSN messenger address is [email protected].