For the past 5+ years I was suffering from long-term depression and general anxiety disorder. Since I've left the org, I haven't had any bouts of anxiety or depression. It became clear to me that the org was really the cause of my depression. All of the demands that were placed on me, as well as the "artificial" friends that I had, forced me into a place emotionally that I couldn't handle.
In the org, your best is NEVER enough. They always push you to do or be more. Eventually, you don't even remember what things truly brought you happiness. You're pumped up with promises of everlasting life (if you do certain things) and then you're let down with the realities that NO ONE knows who will get the "reward" or when. That glorious day just never seems to come.
I missed (what I thought were) my true friends intensely. But one day I just accepted my life for what it truly is. I refuse to let myself sink back into that place of despair again. I will eventually make new, genuine friends without all of the pretenses of an organization.
Once, you're out of the org, you really have to reinvent who your are. Everything now should be based on what YOU enjoy and love about life...not on what these other people think about you. No matter what you go on to do in your life, they are the ones who are truly missing out. Now is the time to open up to change and shed the JW mentality that you're still holding on to.
Flower, I wish you peace of mind and more love than your heart can hold. There is more to you than you allow yourself to think.
Kelley