Howdy Frogonmytoe! (You're going to have to explain that name sometime.) Welcome to the forum.
I see Unstopableravens was quick to remind you of what a sinner you are... HOMO! There are a few of us homos flitting around this forum.
Glad to see you are still giving God a chance in your life. For me, after a lifetime of being told how much God hates me just for existing, hanging on to some sort of appreciation for him was not easy. Ultimately I had to reevaluate everything I had been taught about him from my youth up. I shared some of those discoveries in the following threads. Maybe they will be of some use to you.