I am safireblu64 my fiance and I would like to find other ex-members too....I'll send you my info as I don't want to publish it under any watchful eyes :)
safireblu64
JoinedPosts by safireblu64
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Give me your FaceBook User Id...I'll add you!!
by foolsparadise inlooking forward to some new friends from here on facebook.
reply to this post with your facebook account name so i can add you.
thanks!.
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New Facebook Rule for JWs?
by wifeofjw injust about everyone in the hall my husband attends is deleting their facebook account.
he just cam back from a ms meeting.
what's the deal?.
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safireblu64
I'm on facebook too, and I remember when we had coucil about BEBO. Remember that site? I think what they are trying to do is prevent any and all ways of their secrets being leaked by way of talking to ex-members. They are trying to calk every nook and cranny. It's absolutely unnecessary. They truly are trying to control virtually every aspect of our lives or whatever they can get their hands on!!!! Anyone who wants to add me to their facebook, just send me a personal message and I'll give you my name. My fiance and I are looking for ex-members to get to know. :)
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What made you leave?? What were your core reasons?
by safireblu64 inhi there, i am pretty new to this forum, this absolutely wonderful forum and i just wanted to know what made you all leave?
what were your positions, responsibilities and at what point did you know you had to leave?
and are there any persons here from ontario, canada?.
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safireblu64
Thank you all for sharing your stories.... please keep sharing because we are all in some way or another relating to each other, and leaning on each other is what is going to get us through these horror and slowly but surely we will derive the strength from each other to rebuild our lives, and that is the aggape love that Jesus was talking about.
Love and blessings to all.
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What the WT requires for reinstatement
by sabastious init's creepy that they require you to "study" for all meetings and show that you "underlined" to get reinstated.. think about that for a second.
before they let you back in they make you prove that you have been at least partially re-indoctrinated.. i mean, in the end, what does "underlining" really prove?
true repentance?
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safireblu64
and by the way, it is true....they look over your shoulder and have others checking to make sure you studied and are paying attention at the meetings. It's like grade school/elementary....with the teacher making sure you did your homework. Meanwhile, that says nothing about what is in my heart and in my mind because I could have easily had someone else do the homework for me......hence the underlining of the publications that are being studied. I could have mindlessly underlined what LOOKS to be right, just for the sake of shutting up those who dare question and pass judgment as they look on. Mind you, I do write in my studies...I write what I agree with and what I don't. Half of what I write is my own thoughts. But I guess it doesn't matter as long as it looks like I am being indoctrinated...no matter how cosmetic that may be. And truthfully, that is all that the WTBS is concerned about...is cosmetic appearances. LOOKING like they are the picture perfect personification of "truth" when in actuality, they are the very personification of slandering and opposing that there is. Darn I say it, they are up there with the Catholics. I am surprised that they haven't indoctrinated the 12 stations of the 12 diciples!!! But who knows, another twist and a yank there of the scriptures and they just might come up with that one. Shesh.
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What the WT requires for reinstatement
by sabastious init's creepy that they require you to "study" for all meetings and show that you "underlined" to get reinstated.. think about that for a second.
before they let you back in they make you prove that you have been at least partially re-indoctrinated.. i mean, in the end, what does "underlining" really prove?
true repentance?
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safireblu64
Can someone please tell me if disfellowshipping is the same as disassociation? I am trying to get my reinstatement back but only so I can have my family back.....my story has been posted so I will not rehash verbatum but basically am I just running in circles with regards to getting reinstated and then disassociating myself? Are the reprocussions the same???
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12
What made you leave?? What were your core reasons?
by safireblu64 inhi there, i am pretty new to this forum, this absolutely wonderful forum and i just wanted to know what made you all leave?
what were your positions, responsibilities and at what point did you know you had to leave?
and are there any persons here from ontario, canada?.
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safireblu64
Hi there, I am pretty new to this forum, this absolutely wonderful forum and I just wanted to know what made you all leave? What were your positions, responsibilities and at what point did you know you had to leave? And are there any persons here from Ontario, Canada?
Here is my story:
I am now a resident in Toronto which I came to from Nova Scotia seven years ago, and in short I lost twenty-eight years of my life to a religion that owned me since I took my first step, and every step thereafter and I refuse to only see the light on the day of my last breath.
I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to know that there are others that understand where I am coming from. There is nothing worse than being alone. I knew the day that I asked myself honestly "Who am I?". I was in private honestly looking into myself and when I burst into tears because I did not know the answer or what the right answer was....I knew that I was lost. At twenty-five years old I knew then I had absolutely no sense of who I was, or what I had become. I only knew who I had to be......who I was expected to be....as my years of service, pioneering and being known as a "pillar in the congregation".
Now that I have chosen the course of "fading" as it is called by others, I am concerned that once I fade, will I be thrown back to square one in that I will no longer be able associate with my family/friends if I decide to disassociate myself? I plan on writing the Society a letter and letting them know that I actually want to annul my baptism (since I was 10 years old) and that I simply want to be viewed and treated as someone who has never taken the "truth" and that I simply want to be recognized as no different as one of those they find behind the doors in the field ministry. I will also beat them to the punch and let them know that their rebut of "you know the scriptures therefore you know the difference" is of absolutely no significance to me, because as far as I am concerned I have been manipulated, persuaded and coerced by the forces of mind control to unconsciously nod my head to the explanations the WTBS give with absolutely no room for self thought or any questions against it. You want to talk about machinations of the devil! Is that not in itself the very epitome of sinister machinations? It is because of THEM that I do not know the scriptures, I only know what THEY think they know, or profess to know. I am trying to know the scriptures, the holy scriptures, not that of the NWT, but of the holy bible as it resonates within my heart and within my individual intellect and reasoning. It is because of THEM I am haunted and tortured by fear of misreading or misinterpreting the scriptures and paying the penalty of such by an annihilation in Armageddon. It is because of THEM that I am desperate to find the knowledge of God, to find the truth, and find what is 'right' and I am pummeled to tears because I do not know where to begin because I am suffering emotional paralysis spiritually speaking.
Everything in my life everything that I have ever known it to be has been nothing but years of hypnosis to keep me from seeing reality to put it lightly. The minute, the very second that I raise my hand to ask a question I am spiritually handed my dose of medication to keep me 'sane', and the more that I have tried to fight it, the more they convince me I am crazy, that I know better and that I am weak and letting Satan into my heart. Every excuse and explanation they give is shoved in my mouth with my hands tied behind my back. And now I am dying within myself minute by minute in my solidary confinement praying that God knows my heart despite that they insist on telling me that I am unrighteous and treating me like a leper.
Here I am doing all that I can to do what is right, and please my parents as I have "disowned" them, and 'left my family'. As I am going to the meetings and my mother talks to me, I am guilt stricken because I see the hope in their eyes and hear the happiness in their voices. I had been in a car accident earlier this year and I have had to depend on my parents to help me as I am unable to work, and I cannot drive so I depend on my parents bringing me to my appointments and physio while my fiance is at work. Knowing that I am putting on a smile for them, I am being eating away inside because I know what my intentions are. I am forever grateful for my parents being here for me, and putting aside my disfellowshipping on the account of emergency circumstances. I am saddened beyond all words however because my mother constantly speaks of how wonderful everything will be once I am back, how we will go out in service, have tea and crumpets, and how we will all go together to the conventions and assemblies. It breaks my heart that I know I have no intention of going to any of those, and it breaks my heart that she is so entrenched in her dreams, and it kills me that I cannot fulfill them. Before my mother remarried, it was only she and I. And my mother has stuck by me all though my life, she has been by my side anytime I ever needed her. She absolutely has been an incredible mother who I honestly could have not asked for better. My mother and I have seen hell and we have been there together and back on many occasions, but we together with the whole world against us, bravely pressed on and became ferocious in strength and rebuilt our lives together under the watchful eye of the Watchtower Bible Tract Society. Honestly who knows where I would be without her. I guess in a way I feel indebted to her and somehow my remaining in the 'truth' is part of fulfilling her dream and repaying her for all she has done for me. Unfortunately, I do not how to separate her dreams from my life. I feel obligated......responsible for her happiness. Absolutely torn. Nothing killed me more than when she cut a lock of my hair "to remember" me by on the night I was being announced. I had never seen her fall into a million pieces as she then did before my very eyes. I saw her heart rip out from her and I stood there hopelessly helpless......knowing that I had caused it. Never in my life would I ever cause such devastation intentionally, and here I just crushed my innocent mother under my foot.
That night haunted me for months....truth be told, it still does, and the letters of pleading for my return under my apartment door were too much for me to bear. However, the days and weeks, months and years that I lead a perfunctory life only left me feeling hollow and barely in existence which too tortured me psychologically, emotionally, and affected me physically. I suffered for years from bulimia and clinical depression, I had absolutely no control over my life or anything in it, and the only thing constant was paranoia. After leaving the organization I took measures to better myself, to find myself, and to start over from scratch. The one and only time in my life that I had found inner peace was months after I left, mainly because for the first few months I suffered from increased paranoia and adjusting to the reality that I really was all alone. I had nothing and no one. My apartment and my job was all to my name. I adopted a little kitten and she became my family, my friend, and my confidant....and I eventually began to one by one pick myself up dust myself off and reintroduce me to myself and to life. No, not an easy task, but by far the smartest, and most essential move in order to remove the scales from my eyes. That is one of the many reasons that I feel so incredibly torn, because I know where my inner peace resides, however that is also the place that my heart breaks. How is it that an oasis can both be your haven and your hell? Much of my decision to return for my reinstatement is so that I can somehow merge the two and form a treaty of peace, and break the chains of spiritual confinement and be freed from the relentless torture of guilt and sorrow. But now that I have begun such, I fear that it may only be a matter of time before I will be faced with the crossroads of fulfillment of dream and repayment, or fulfillment of self and inner peace. So now while I stand here in my haven, I cry at night in my hell.
There really are no answers that can form a direction in which I am to take that will soften the blows to either my heart or to my family's heart....namely my mother's. I can only hope and pray that God will fortify me with the determination I need, with the witnesses against me, to again bravely press on, ferocious in strength, and rebuild my life......under the grace of his mercy, forgiveness, compassion and love.
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What extent will the WT go too silence us Apostate
by jam ini was thinking and i know this is really out there, and i am not becoming paranoid.. i thought about the terrorist , what is told to these people to move them to blow.
now some may say, no way that can happen with the jw,s.
talking about us apostate only, not the rest of the world.
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safireblu64
Thanks Ziddina!! I really appreciate your comments and compliments as well. In short I lost twenty-eight years of my life to a religion that owned me since I took my first step and I refuse to only see the light on the day of my last breath.
I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to know that there are others such as yourself that understand where I am coming from. There is nothing worse than being alone. I knew the day that I asked myself honestly "Who am I?". I was in private honestly looking into myself and when I burst into tears because I did not know the answer or what the right answer was....I knew that I was lost. At twenty-five years old I knew then I had absolutely no sense of who I was, or what I had become. I only knew who I had to be......who I was expected to be....as my years of service, pioneering and being known as a "pillar in the congregation".
Now that I have chosen the course of "fading" as you have stated, I am concerned that once I fade, will I be thrown back to square one in that I will no longer be able associate with my family/friends if I decide to disassociate myself? I plan on writing the Society a letter and letting them know that I actually want to annul my baptism (since I was 10 years old) and that I simply want to be viewed and treated as someone who has never taken the "truth" and that I simply want to be recognized as no different as one of those they find behind the doors in the field ministry. I will also beat them to the punch and let them know that their rebut of "you know the scriptures therefore you know the difference" is of absolutely no significance to me, because as far as I am concerned I have been manipulated, persuaded and coerced by the forces of mind control to unconsciously nod my head to the explanations the WTBS give with absolutely no room for self thought or any questions against it. You want to talk about machinations of the devil! Is that not in itself the very epitome of sinister machinations? It is because of THEM that I do not know the scriptures, I only know what THEY think they know, or profess to know. I am trying to know the scriptures, the holy scriptures, not that of the NWT, but of the holy bible as it resonates within my heart and within my individual intellect and reasoning. It is because of THEM I am haunted and tortured by fear of misreading or misinterpreting the scriptures and paying the penalty of such by an annihilation in Armageddon. It is because of THEM that I am desperate to find the knowledge of God, to find the truth, and find what is 'right' and I am pummeled to tears because I do not know where to begin because I am suffering emotional paralysis spiritually speaking.
Everything in my life everything that I have ever known it to be has been nothing but years of hypnosis to keep me from seeing reality to put it lightly. The minute, the very second that I raise my hand to ask a question I am spiritually handed my dose of medication to keep me 'sane', and the more that I have tried to fight it, the more they convince me I am crazy, that I know better and that I am weak and letting Satan into my heart. Every excuse and explanation they give is shoved in my mouth with my hands tied behind my back. And now I am dying within myself minute by minute in my solidary confinement praying that God knows my heart despite that they insist on telling me that I am unrighteous and treating me like a leper.
Here I am doing all that I can to do what is right, and please my parents as I have "disowned" them, and 'left my family'. As I am going to the meetings and my mother talks to me, I am guilt stricken because I see the hope in their eyes and hear the happiness in their voices. I had been in a car accident earlier this year and I have had to depend on my parents to help me as I am unable to work, and I cannot drive so I depend on my parents bringing me to my appointments and physio while my fiance is at work. Knowing that I am putting on a smile for them, I am being eating away inside because I know what my intentions are. I am forever grateful for my parents being here for me, and putting aside my disfellowshipping on the account of emergency circumstances. I am saddened beyond all words however because my mother constantly speaks of how wonderful everything will be once I am back, how we will go out in service, have tea and crumpets, and how we will all go together to the conventions and assemblies. It breaks my heart that I know I have no intention of going to any of those, and it breaks my heart that she is so entrenched in her dreams, and it kills me that I cannot fulfill them. Before my mother remarried, it was only she and I. And my mother has stuck by me all though my life, she has been by my side anytime I ever needed her. She absolutely has been an incredible mother who I honestly could have not asked for better. My mother and I have seen hell and we have been there together and back on many occasions, but we together with the whole world against us, bravely pressed on and became ferocious in strength and rebuilt our lives together under the watchful eye of the Watchtower Bible Tract Society. Honestly who knows where I would be without her. I guess in a way I feel indebted to her and somehow my remaining in the 'truth' is part of fulfilling her dream and repaying her for all she has done for me. Unfortunately, I do not how to separate her dreams from my life. I feel obligated......responsible for her happiness. Absolutely torn. Nothing killed me more than when she cut a lock of my hair "to remember" me by on the night I was being announced. I had never seen her fall into a million pieces as she then did before my very eyes. I saw her heart rip out from her and I stood there hopelessly helpless......knowing that I had caused it. Never in my life would I ever cause such devastation intentionally, and here I just crushed my innocent mother under my foot.
That night haunted me for months....truth be told, it still does, and the letters of pleading for my return under my apartment door were too much for me to bear. However, the days and weeks, months and years that I lead a perfunctory life only left me feeling hollow and barely in existence which too tortured me psychologically, emotionally, and affected me physically. I suffered for years from bulimia and clinical depression, I had absolutely no control over my life or anything in it, and the only thing constant was paranoia. After leaving the organization I took measures to better myself, to find myself, and to start over from scratch. The one and only time in my life that I had found inner peace was months after I left, mainly because for the first few months I suffered from increased paranoia and adjusting to the reality that I really was all alone. I had nothing and no one. My apartment and my job was all to my name. I adopted a little kitten and she became my family, my friend, and my confidant....and I eventually began to one by one pick myself up dust myself off and reintroduce me to myself and to life. No, not an easy task, but by far the smartest, and most essential move in order to remove the scales from my eyes. That is one of the many reasons that I feel so incredibly torn, because I know where my inner peace resides, however that is also the place that my heart breaks. How is it that an oasis can both be your haven and your hell? Much of my decision to return for my reinstatement is so that I can somehow merge the two and form a treaty of peace, and break the chains of spiritual confinement and be freed from the relentless torture of guilt and sorrow. But now that I have begun such, I fear that it may only be a matter of time before I will be faced with the crossroads of fulfillment of dream and repayment, or fulfillment of self and inner peace. So now while I stand here in my haven, I cry at night in my hell.
Well Zaddina, honestly there really are no answers that can form a direction in which I am to take that will soften the blows to either my heart or to my family's heart....namely my mother's. I can only hope and pray that God will fortify me with the determination I need, with the witnesses against me, to again bravely press on, ferocious in strength, and rebuild my life......under the grace of his mercy, forgiveness, compassion and love.
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Can someone help me please???
by safireblu64 ini have been raised a jehovah's witness and when i was 25 years old i decided to try and discover things for myself.
something just was not sitting right with me.
i had been a publisher since i was 4 years old and i gave my first talk when i was 6 years old.
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safireblu64
Wow thanks so much guys. I feel so welcomed and unjudged. I cannot tell you how wonderful that is. I feel like I have somewhere I can actually turn to in this pit of darkness. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and personal stories with me....I know now I am not alone in what I feel in my heart. By the way I am 28 years old, I am still young so at least I still have a good bit of my life ahead of me that I can make right
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Can someone help me please???
by safireblu64 ini have been raised a jehovah's witness and when i was 25 years old i decided to try and discover things for myself.
something just was not sitting right with me.
i had been a publisher since i was 4 years old and i gave my first talk when i was 6 years old.
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safireblu64
I have been raised a Jehovah's Witness and when I was 25 years old I decided to try and discover things for myself. Something just was not sitting right with me. I had been a publisher since I was 4 years old and I gave my first talk when I was 6 years old. I was baptized at the tender age of 10, and every year I auxiliary pioneered and then at age 18 became a regular pioneer. Although I hate to say it, something just was not right. Anytime I thought I found something that was contradictory to what the bible says, or I felt that there were doctrines being added to the bible, or taken from between the lines of the scriptures, I was told that it was Satan that was making me think these things, and that If I were to listen to these things that it would make me apostate.
Eventually, at the age of 25 years old I simply found myself leading a perfunctory life, simply going through the motions that were expected of me. I have always had an extremely close relationship with my family, my mother was my best friend, and needless to say when I left it was absolutely devastating. I lost my family and my friends and everything that I had built my life around, and everything I had ever known.
I see the folly in leaving Jehovah, and leaving the bible. I certainly was more in darkness when I had absolutely no spiritual direction and I fully admit that. But even though I long to do what is right and to live my life by the bible and according to Jehovah's standards, I am absolutely beside myself trying to find the real truth. The guilt was far too much for me to handle in terms of leaving my family, I was constantly reminded that I "left" my family, I "disowned" my family....when I swear I didn't. I just didn't know who I truly was I only knew what people wanted me to be. It was so horrible, I was constantly tortured in my own personal hell. No one will listen to me, no one would hear me, no one would save me. I've tried to talk to my mother time and time again but it's absolutely futile. She is a regular pioneer and has told me she trusts the WTBS with her life! She defends them to a fault. So I decided that living without my family is far too much for me and they are so set in their ways and faith that they will never waiver and just accept me into their lives without sharing their beliefs....actually...their title and as an accepted sister within the congregation.
I am currently engaged to a wonderful man who has been coming to the meetings with me, but there are things that have been bothering me to great lengths. There are teachings of the JW doctrine that I simply cannot explain to myself, let alone my fiance and his family. I see a lot of contradiction and I see a lot of twisting but I am deathly afraid of saying anything or thinking anything. I want nothing more to just get reinstated so that I can be with my family again. I'd even keep going to the meetings but I just cannot shake that I see things simply because I'm on the outside looking at the big picture. I keep thinking that if my mother were to just step outside with me and look with the open mind I have that she too would realize a lot of things.
I am so confused as to who is right and who is wrong. There seems to be so much importance attached to who is right. The Witnesses proclaim that they are the righteous and anyone who is not them is simply unrighteous unless they come to accept the teachings of the bible as they have accepted them. I find that almost egotistical. I am sorry to say that, but I thought Jesus died for ALL of mankind. Even though the Witnesses project a humble demeanor toward their neighbour and each other, as well as in the Kingdom Hall, did Jesus not say that he who exalts himself will be humiliated but he who humbles himself will be exalted??? Is not proclaiming to be "the ones whose worship God approves, and whose prayers are heard" exalting oneself?? Is that not right away in direct contradiction to what the bible itself says??? I'm sorry but I just do not know why there is so much importance and emphasis on who is right and who is wrong. It almost seems that in contrast to their humble demeanor that their proclamation of the things they do and they things they are no part of is almost like boasting. Shouldn't the only thing mattering be that they uphold Jehovah's Sovereignty, Jesus as King, and look to Jesus as ruler of God's coming new kingdom rather than looking to man made governments? As you can see I still have a lot of questions.....and yes they have an answer for everything, but when you think about the answers...even as cleverly thought out that they are, and even as subtle as their power of suggestion can be.....that answer only raises yet another question and in the end...it's simply a cleaver answer to hopefully shut you up. Pardon me for saying that so abruptly.
Almost every religion claims to be the "right" one. I am simply beside myself trying to figure out where I am suppose to go. I am terrified of being one of the ones that in final day says " Lord Lord, didn't I prophesy in your name, perform many powerful works in your name, and expel demons in your name?" and for Jesus to cast me off as a worker of lawlessness.
All I want is the truth. No bribes, no gimmics, no guilt trips, no scare tactics.....I simply want to know what the bible requires.Can anyone give me any answers??? What are we all to do? It's not a matter of not loving God, Jehovah and Jesus and the holy spirt, and all that is responsible for inspiring the bible and the scriptures but I am beside myself trying to figure out where I am to go. Where am I to take my children, or do I need to take them anywhere? Is there such a thing has a reformed Jehovah's Witness? Or just deciples of Christ? Please help.
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41
What extent will the WT go too silence us Apostate
by jam ini was thinking and i know this is really out there, and i am not becoming paranoid.. i thought about the terrorist , what is told to these people to move them to blow.
now some may say, no way that can happen with the jw,s.
talking about us apostate only, not the rest of the world.
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safireblu64
Wow Sd-7 hit the nail right on the head. They have killed us without killing us, sentencing us to a mental death. I know that for sure because I have been absolutely tortured! My mother kept telling me how I left my family, disowned my family and denied them of being with me. She was always telling me that my dad would be crying himself to sleep at night, and that she became an alcoholic and then swore off alcohol altogether because it was killing her and then she said that I died. She kept telling me how she dreams of one day that I'd return. I can't tell you the guilt and the stress I felt. When I wrote my mother a letter trying to tell her the things that I saw, well she became so indignant and fired back a letter to me, and I realized it was no use. She doesn't just not see it, but she REFUSES to see it. I guess I just have to keep it to myself. But THANK GOD my sister has stopped going to the meetings because SHE is questioning things. My mom told me this, as I have begun going back just to get my reinstatement so I can finally have my family back and not want to kill myself because of the relentless torture I feel. My fiance is backing me up too.....I just want that reinstatement and then that's it. I consider myself a chrisitian and I love Jehovah but I don't agree with the WTBS and it frightens me to death that my family is still in it and so devout. I'm trying to get around to talking to my sister, she needs to know that she has to get out of that organization. Just take her leave. Be "in active" and go somewhere else where she doesn't have to contact another kingdom hall. Just 'disappear' that's what I plan on doing. My fiance and I just want to live a quiet christian life without the WTBS. I can only hope some day some glorious day that they will be exposed. It's severe mind control when you are not allowed or are forbidden to ask questions and "do a self examination" only by using the WTBS publications and by no other means. They KNOW that we will find out. THEY KNOW they have something to hide. If they didn't, they would let us see for ourselves that there really is nothing better out there, that they are the absolute truth......but you see they know they are not and they are very clever with keeping us in there.....scare tactics, and telling us there is no forgiveness for apostacy! Are they not too speaking against other religions??? It doesn't matter if they are different, they still use the bible, and some of them have many truths...so isn't that a mark against the holy spirit too???? Telling the truth and pointing out flaws and pointing out double standards and pointing out wrongs is not apostacy it's called facts! And the WTBS which my mother tells me she trusts with her life, they who are keeping us away from the truth using their antics............that's conspiracy. If they just readily owned up to what they erred in and corrected it, we wouldn't be in this mess!!!!!