We are disfellowshipped but wanting to be reinstated. But our situation is very difficult and quite high profile...
I was raised as a JW and my mother was very strict and abusive. I got baptized at age 14.
My mother actually called on my (present) husband's mom in service. She was on the initial call resulting in his mom coming in the Truth and him being raised in it from about age 8 or 9.
Despite a very abusive step-father, he followed his mom's lead and came into the Truth. He was also baptized at age 14.
When I was about 16 and he was 17, we were secretly dating.
My mother found out and broke us up. Despite the fact that he was a regular pioneer and close to being appointed as an MS, she wouldn't stand for it and caused a huge issue and broke us up. There was NO immoral conduct between us.
We got back together again and had very strong feelings, but my mother was so controlling it was just too difficult. He moved away and I got kicked out of the house. I was dumped in a big city with world relatives.
He ended up marrying an older girl ... I was a huge mess and got involved with a boy in the local congregation who I married at age 19.
My marriage was very emotionally abusive. I attempted suicide twice.
My previous boyfriend had married a very spiritual girl and he progressed rapidly and served as a Presiding Overseer and subsequently a Congregation Coordinator for at least 10 years.
In 2007, following my suicide attempt, I realized I had to leave my abusive husband. I was very open and cooperative with the elders but my husband at the time was obviously unwilling to even try.
Meanwhile, my ex-boyfriend started having memories from the past start troubling him. He started having feelings of worthlessness and started complentating suicide. The worst of it was when he was on his way to work the day prior to a circuit assembly. He was scheduled to give a talk to both sides of the circuit the following day. And yet? He felt he couldn't go on and came very close to ending his life...
It wasn't long after that he found a way to get in touch with me.
Within a matter of weeks we realized that we should never have let my mother break us up and we knew we couldn't live without each other. We decided to finally meet and after 20+ years it was like we had never been apart and the inevitable happened.
He told his wife within two weeks and it was just horrible... all hell broke loose... she made him tell the kids that very day. He was getting phone calls from all across the country.
I approached my own elders and told them the situation. They dealt swiftly and disfellowshipped both of us. I have no issue with that BUT...
After all of that went down my family went mad. They started gossiping and slandering him in a way I have never encountered. Stories were circulating that he was into 'hookers' and that he was 'addicted to online porn and gambling'... my family went on a rampage to destroy his repuation.
He tried to get a job and had to use brothers as a reference (since his whole career had been working with brothers)... well, let's just say he didn't get the job despite the fact that he had been an outstanding employee and helped his previous employers build their busines from the ground up. They were unable to keep the 'scandal' apart from his employment record and destroyed his chances of getting a job.
Out of responsiblity, he gave his ex-wife their 4,500 square foot home, all the contents... EVERYTHING. She wouldn't even let him have his clothing or his Bible. On top of that, he pays her $1200 per month. She outright refused to give him a divorce unless he gave her FULL custody of the kids whom he loves dearly. They have been manipulated and brainwashed against him and it's just tragic.
And now... here is the clincher...
Over the past months, he has been having recuring memories and nightmares of extensive childhood sexual abuse by three different people. It started almost as soon as he left his family... it was almost as if, he was protecting them from the reality. He is seeing an excellent therapist who has made it very clear that he was blocking out the abuse for all these years and finally cracked. From what the therapist has said it's quite commong for men who have been abused to bury the memories and become over achievers (ie. perfect husbands, fathers and congregation coordinators)... It's all good until it all comes crashing down and they can't cope and want to die. That's where we are now.
As of now we are legally married and have a baby. We have been attending the meetings and praying consistently and studying, although our congreation won't even allow us a study version of the WT.
About two months ago we wrote a letter requestiong reinstatement. We got not response. We resubmitted and within about a week two fo the brothers from my committee arranged to meet with us.
They came in and did not remove their coats. They glanced at the baby and mumbled some sort of acknowledgement but didn't even ask his name. They made it clear they had an agenda. They told us that it was 'too soon'. They did not want to hear any extra information. They told us that we were 'schemers' and that because of the new manual it could take 'years and years' for them to consider our request to be reinstated. They told us that preparing for the meetings was part of what was suggested. When I told them we were informed we could not have a study article of the WT, they kind of mumbled we could have one now according to the new manual. But apparently, that was still a stroke against us. On top of that, the brother leading the meeting said that his own father left their family and I guess his own personal experience was influencing his attitude. He made it very clear that he has already decided on his opinion and nothing we said would change that.
We felt pretty horrible afterwards. My husband was sobbing and felt that he had ruined my life.
I decided I had to tell them about what he had been through as a child and how his therapist felt that had a big bearing on his decisions to just up and leave his family and the congregation. I wrote a very long and detailed message to the brothers who met with us.
So far... three weeks later... there has been no response...
We are very disheartened and discouraged.
:(
