Hey Sd-7 (Christopher)
Been reading your plight, and I have to say you are VERY VERY Brave, not sure if I would endure what you have been exposed to. But I choose to "Fade" and let that work for me.
I too have a Wife, that is "Still in" so I feel for you. You have my thoughts and good wishes going to you via SCI-FI KArma (I heard you can buy that in the back of the Comic Books stores now.
Anyway I think OTWO and JAmie are right in their comments, you did the best you can and you are VERY BravE!
We are all behind you and know you did the right thing for yourself and your wife.
However if I am not mistaken my Tax lady said a "joint return/refund" has to go in a "joint checking account" IRS Rules she said (Federal) your State if you have such, may have a different rule.
Chin up man!
You can do it