yes and i've called a help line before and it's nice to have someone to talk to but you know they aren't living it everyday. also, I've asked him to come with me to marriage counseling and he shuts down and says i'm rediculous with the whole "counseling thing" and says never to ask him that again. His own family didn't know that I didn't know about the kids until a yr ago. So he's been lying to them too. but i'm just under all this pressure to be what he wants every minute of the day and to be all smiles whenever the kids are on skype plus i'm under a lot of stress from work, which is another thing he yells at me about and says i bitch all the time and should be happy i sit on my ass all day type of job (his exact words) and think i'm ridiculous. plus the responsibility of taking care of our 2 kids here. my daughter, the one he doesnt like doesnt like him either and has bad personality traits and it's partly him but also from being around my mother and her toxicity as well. my husband expects us to move to his country in about a year to live there for a little while so he can be near his kids and i've gone along with it but i seriously have doubts. i actually filed for divorce 4 mos ago but never sent in the final paperwork because i want to work it out but i really dont know if this is fixable. but if i were to have him leave and complete the divorce, i feel like i'd be letting down everyone that expects this to work, his family, his three kids which have grown very attached to me and myself too. i dont know what to do. i'm soo depressed.
mochamint22
JoinedPosts by mochamint22
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22
Feel like I'm living a lie....
by mochamint22 init's been a while since i've posted on the forum but im needing to get how i'm feeling out of my head and out in the open.
i don't know what's going on with me but sometimes i feel overwhelmingly sad and my eyes well up like i'm going to start crying.
i'm not thinking about any one particular thing when this happens.
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22
Feel like I'm living a lie....
by mochamint22 init's been a while since i've posted on the forum but im needing to get how i'm feeling out of my head and out in the open.
i don't know what's going on with me but sometimes i feel overwhelmingly sad and my eyes well up like i'm going to start crying.
i'm not thinking about any one particular thing when this happens.
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mochamint22
Hi all,
It's been a while since I've posted on the forum but Im needing to get how I'm feeling out of my head and out in the open. I don't know what's going on with me but sometimes I feel overwhelmingly sad and my eyes well up like I'm going to start crying. I'm not thinking about any one particular thing when this happens. I just think all of the pressure I'm under is just getting to be too much for me. It's hard because my husband treats me like I'm lazy and crazy because I tell him how I feel. I also have been lied to by him soooo much about who he is and I'm dealing with the reality of who he is and his lies and trying to do so with class and dignity and selflessness but I'm afraid I can't hold it in anymore. At the same time of these feelings of depression and lonliness, I also feel cut off from emotion if you can try to understand it because it's like i CANT cry either. I get to the point of crying but then the emotions go right back in and I don't let the tears fall.
What I'm referring to when I say his lies, I mean that I just found out last Nov that he has three children that I had no knowledge of. And I've welcomed them and spent money on them and spent time with them but it never seems like its enough. He's always raising his voice to me saying that I don't like him talking to them and just this last friday I sent $50 over to his nephew as a late bday gift and when he saw that he yelled at mi saying "Dummy you wouldve done better sending money to the kids (his 3 sons) instead of sending a grown man $50" I had just finished sending them $100 minutes before he said that. But he only saw me wiring money to his nephew and went off.
I sent them $200 to have a bday party and have gifts and my husband sent $130 because they said they needed more money to have everything for the party (I failed to mention that his sister who takes care of them lives in another country) Yesterday we connected on skype to see who the party went and they were so happy and excited thanking him for the party and I just felt useless and a little bad that he was acting like it was his idea and he sent over the bulk of the money. And he wanted me to pay him back half of the $130 he sent saying that because the party was my idea I should pay for it. But then I get a next to nothing thanks for it. Then one of his other sisters needed some money to buy som shoes for her kid and he sent her some money and I guess this morning she was talking to him on skype and told him to tell me thanks and god bless and he comes up to me and said " my sister said to tell you thanks and god bless. you didn't send her anything it was me but ok just relaying the msg"
He's such a jerk. Calling me dumb and stupid and treats me badly. And he can't stand my his step daughter (my daughter) but has the audacity to be that way when he lied to me these 6 yrs we've been married about having three kids. And he expects me to just be ok with it and take it with open arms and I have. but i need for him to acknowlege that he lied to me and that he needs to earn my trust back but nothing. I get an emotional slap in the face and am told to deal with it. I've tried to tell him about my feelings of depression and he thinks its a joke. I've been in therapy for almost a year now with no results. I'm just seeing and psychologist so no meds are being prescribed. Also he knows that since I have cut my mother out of my life because shes hardcore JW and I've left the "truth" and don't want her in my life anymore because shes toxic, I've been really needing to have his emotional support and I don't have it. everytime he sees me on this website he calls me rediculous. Also sometimes when I talk to him he just ignores me. He hears me but he doesnt even look at me he just ignores me. Or I'll start talking to him and he fake yawns and says "how boring" and starts whistling to shut me up.
He wants all access to my information, bank account, email and facebook passwords and yet I have no access to his information. And I just feel like he's a liar and I can't handle his emotional abuse anymore. I feel like I keep giving and giving and getting nothing in return. I'm not a selfish person but I feel like i deserve respect and that I'm a good wife and mother and deserve to be treated as such.
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Several ways you can leave the WT money when you die - No subtlety here folks
by agonus inin the latest kool-aid edition (november 15th), there's an insert on page 22 entitled "ways in which some choose to give".
in this short (less than 2 page) article, the word "death" appears no less than 3, count 'em, 3 times.
"payable on death", "transfer on death", and "bequest at death" are all mentioned.. .
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mochamint22
Yeah my mother already did this. She said that her kids don't care enough about her to leave us money when she passes. She said its better to leave it to the Society since they're the only ones that care about her. Yep WBTS is now the named beneficiary on her will....that was years ago.
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A day in the life of a fader...
by onemore inso, the day is almost over, its going to be sunday in the next 2 hours.
how did i spend my saturday now that im out of the organization....well... .
after watching sponge bob, i went to the gym and had a nice workout, on my way home...i saw a few jws on field service.... later i met with my brother to look at some used car, after grabbing a bite, guess what?
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mochamint22
Yeah it's nice. I must say though that now that I'm out I seem to keep running into witnesses everywhere. I don't know them but I know they are witnesses cause they're just out there preching w/their briefcases and their bookbags and their literature. seems i can't get away from them. but yes it is very nice to just wake up and not have to think about boringly strolling down a street knocking on doors that won't open. or that will slam the moment they do.... i'm glad for you!
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So what do ya'll think about the recent new light?
by stillin9 inyou know, the thing they were talking about in the 2011 dc.
it was about how the "toes" of daniel's image no longer represent all the individual governments that have come around in human history.
and that the anglo-american world power is the last world power we'll see before the end of the system of things.
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mochamint22
just wanted to throw out that those jws that didnt actually hear that wont believe it unless its at a meeting or convention. i told my pioneer mother about the "new light" everyone was buzzing about several months ago about the generation that will never pass away and she said they never said anything about that at her convention or meeting and that it was all false material conjured up on the web and apostate doing....funny how thats their catch all for anything they cant explain....
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Review and Comments on the New Elders Book
by MrDarkKnight ini recently completed an exhaustive review of an unofficial copy of the new elders manual.
my father, who is currently serving as an elder told me a friend of his in the service department told him it was on the internet so i eagerly looked for it and found it.
yes, i know it was a violation of copyright, but while at bethel i made copies of many technical manuals which is also a copy of copyright so the wts hypocrisy does not concern me.. i was appointed as an elder the year the pay attention book (manual replaced by this one) was released so i have very good working knowledge of the old book and could compare the two books.
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mochamint22
yeah i read this book online too and brought it up to my pioneer mother to get her thoughts on it. i brought up those points mentioned in this thread and also the fact that its so secretive, especially against sisters and all that other crap. she had no knowledge of its existence in the first place (even earlier versions) and when i asked her what she thought about it and how ridiculous it was and that i felt it was just another way to have control over people mentally and emotionally she said that wasn't true. She argued that it wasn't real since it was on the internet and that if I am so concerned about it I should go ask an elder if it really exists and if the content I read was for real.
BULLSHIT
I said first, they'd probably drag my ass to the back room for viewing "apostate" literature --you know they'd never admit it's existence. 2nd, she totally missed the point- that being to probe her mind, forcing her to THINK as a FREE, SENTIENT BEING about what this means. Think of everyone that was/is IN thinking that the decisions these fools make when it comes to "spiritual discipline" really coming from God when it's just a group of dummies reading a stupid book before some stupid judicial hearing to decide the future of a "lost sheep." I never believed these stupid elders had holy spirit to do the right thing--you can read some of my other posts about when i was DFd if you want more info on that. But seriously....come on...
same thing happened when i told her i had discovered that divorce/child custody packet printed by the FDS. she said it was reasonable they would have something like that since anyone would want to be prepared for a case in the court of law. She totally missed the point I was making with it's purpose being mainly to manipulate your child(ren)'s mind to spew words obviously not from a child's mind and also to win custody with the main intent to retain spiritual, mental, and emotional power over that child and to distance them from their other parent. A sort of disfellowshipping that child's other parent from their lives.
yeah, again, she had nothing to say other than we should just accept whatever comes from the FDS as from Jah and not question it so as not to anger Jah and put ourselves in "precarious" position w/the Devil. Yeah she kept saying, "Satan is hearing what you're saying right now and he can act on that. If you just think it, he won't know since he can't read minds/hearts. But verbalizing it is DANGEROUS." I just laughed. perfect saying" you can't argue with ignorance" its so true.....
UM, the foot job thing was freakin hilarious---really???? DFd for hand/foot jobs. ha ha
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Went to the DC today...
by dontplaceliterature ini caught the entire session today, and strangely, it was the first time i was able to stay completely alert for an entire dc program.
i'm guessing the reason for that is that i was looking at the program with a critical eye for the first time in my life and was not being hypnotised by mind-numbing repitition (see steve hassen's combatting cult mind control).
the program wasn't that bad.
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mochamint22
was there a new book or sumthin released and if so, anyone have an electronic copy of it?
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I Did a Stupid Thing Recently
by 30 years out infacebook has been a valuable tool for finding old friends and catching up on years lost making a living and pursuing our own visions of happiness.
in one of my less inspired moments i decided to look up an old witness friend and roommate from my days in the church.
he had never impressed me as being particularly strong in the faith so i was truly interested to find out what he had been up to for nearly 30 years and if he was still "in".. i located him through his sister's fb page and sent a message to his account stating who i was and that i would be very interested in hearing from him and catching up.
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mochamint22
nah, its not stupid at all. i'm sure we all have been there. i was on FB a few months ago and i found a girl that was in my cong prob 13 yrs ago and she was in a pic with a little girl, who i assumed to be her kid or sis since they lookd alike, and they were in what appeared to be halloween costumes. i sent a friend request and a message too with no response and can't seem to find her profile. so she's either still IN and JWs now do costume parties for no apparent reason with jack - o - lanterns ( riiiight) or, actually i cant think of an 'or' right now. its just dumb. lol
mochamint22
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Inactive (i.e. not reporting) witnesses won't survive armageddon
by Mickey mouse indid anyone else catch this in the talk at the convention 'are you behaving as kingdom citizen?'.
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mochamint22
i think they're just saying that there's some things that one can only really understand once in the situation. the concept of reporting is a very basic one and i agree that you dont have to be a jw to get that. but its the emotion or "life" part of it that really can't be broken down to that simple concept. it's just one of those things, you have to have lived it to get exactly where people are coming from. it's not just the black and white of it....
"You also don't have to speak in tongues like I do to give an opinion on it "
?????
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I kinda hope my wife finds out about me
by Anony Mous inso we had a 'special' visitor today in our hall, somebody from patterson, young fellow with a wife.
off course i didn't catch that at first until he started name dropping in the first 5 minutes that he was from bethel .
so he goes on rambling about how we live in the last days and blah-di-blah .
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mochamint22
that is the funniest ish ever!! i love it. i really like this site because hearing everyone's experiences and points about how ridiculous the org teachings and comments make it even easier for me to have walked away.