Posts by Quendi

260

Are you sure leaving the JW religion has made your life better?. Lurkers think twice

by mankkeli in

on this forum, i have carefully read most of the experiences of those who left the jw religion, i have even read experiences that have dated back to 2001, i have read the different circumstances surrounding their exits and what ensued upon leaving.

for the majority, i observed they are better remainning in the religion than leaving.

what benefit is there to strain family relationship because you want to be free?, please tell me, of what value is that freedom?,.

Quendi

You have started an interesting thread, mankkeli, as the flood of responses proves. As a gay man, there was absolutely, positively no place for me in this homophobic organization. Its hypocrisy on matters of sexism and racism are sickening and disgusting as well. I saw how its tenets and practices contributed to the suicide of the best friend I ever had. I saw this organization rip families apart with its hateful shunning practices and how those self-same practices ended lifelong friendships. I saw people die disappointed because their dreams of a post-Armageddon paradise were not realized. I saw others waste their lives in the vain and false preaching work. Others threw away their God-given talents and abilities because they were told that pursuing their development was "worldly" and a snare laid down for them by Satan.

Is my life better for having left this God-forsaken cult? Absolutely!! I have found a spiritual community where I am accepted and my abilities are wanted. I have found the inner peace that eluded me as a Witness because the organization taught that people like me were lower than the scum of the earth. My self-image has improved dramatically since I left. I am now pursuing things in life that the WTS condemned because they weren't related to "the preaching work". I have discovered new friends and cultivated new relationships in which I am free to be myself.

No, sir, there is no going back for me. I have the strength now to face the problems and challenges life presents because I am no longer chasing rainbows and mirages. Instead, I have learned to use my God-given abilities much better than I ever did as a Witness. Nor have I had to rely on my own perceptions of the positive changes in my life. Those friends who knew me as a Witness say they can tell I am much happier now that I am out of the cult than I was while within it.

I've used this comparison before, but I believe it is accurate. Your beliefs in the "benefits" of remaining in the WTS suggest the symptons of someone suffering from the Stockholm Syndrome. Freedom is always preferable to imprisonment and slavery, and remaining with the WTS is both of them. Let me strongly, but kindly, direct you to look deep within yourself and answer the question of why you would prefer the living death being one of Jehovah's Witnesses is to the challenging but worthwhile life that awaits those who get the hell out of this cult.

Quendi

41

Was it the doctrine or the control that woke you up?

by Evidently Apostate in

even though i knew some of the doctrines were so convoluted they couldnt be genuine, every prophecy mentioned in the bible was simplistic and direct i still felt it was the best place to raise a family.

i felt like i could ignore the hypocrisy, manipulative and fake personalities and still have true friends and unbreakable family bonds.

even though my concience would bother me i would always try to forgive.

Quendi

Another factor in my disillusionment was the realization that the elders were absolutely unqualified to handle many of the problems they took up. They had no college or university schooling; no professional training in psychology, psychiatry, medicine or law; and worst of all, little or no empathy for those who came to them seeking help. Instead of acting like the tender and loving shepherds they were supposed to be and tending to the sick and wounded sheep, these men often drove them into the jaws of the waiting wolf, bear or lion. I often wondered how could holy spirit be active upon these men who would never have been entrusted with the responsibilities and priviliges they had by a secular organization. It was only after I did a thorough investigation that their complete lack of qualifications for the posts they held became obvious.

Quendi

41

Was it the doctrine or the control that woke you up?

by Evidently Apostate in

even though i knew some of the doctrines were so convoluted they couldnt be genuine, every prophecy mentioned in the bible was simplistic and direct i still felt it was the best place to raise a family.

i felt like i could ignore the hypocrisy, manipulative and fake personalities and still have true friends and unbreakable family bonds.

even though my concience would bother me i would always try to forgive.

Quendi

Before I was disfellowshipped, I had begun questioning the doctrine. I suppose it was the notorious Novmeber 1, 1995 issue of The Watchtower and its explanation of the "generation" mentioned at Matthew 24:34 that sowed the first seeds of doubt. Then I started examining other doctrines at the prompting of an elder friend I had. After getting disfellowshipped, my questions only multiplied and my eyes were also opened to the insidious control the organization sought over ever aspect of a person's life. It took some time even after I was disfellowshipped to finally realize that the entire religion was false, but once I woke up to that fact there was no turning back.

Quendi

60

why JWs doesn't celebrate birthday?

by vientotz in

i'm so curious, why they're not celebrating their birthdays?

is it just because jesus don't celebrate it and it's not written in the bible that they celebrated the birthday of jesus?

or is it written in the bible not to celebrate birthday?

Quendi

The WTS ban on birthdays is part and parcel of 'going beyond the things that are written' Paul condemns at 1 Corinthians 4:6. As others have already noted, the Bible says absolutely nothing about the practice, so the WTS should have remained silent as well. Instead, by injecting religious cant into a purely personal matter, the organization has been able to exert a subtle but iron-clad control over its members, to their detriment. Since leaving the religion for good and all, I have resumed celebrating the birthdays of family and friends as well as my own. My own celebration simply involves a quiet dinner with a friend whose birthday falls the day after mine so we make it a double celebration.

I would give this simple advice to vientotz with respect to Jehovah's Witnesses. Don't be fooled by the "nice" and "good" people you have met in your home and the Kingdom Hall. This religion is a cult, and the people who are so wonderful to you today will abandon you at the drop of a hat at the command and behest of the elders and other leaders. Have nothing else to do with them. If you are involved in a Bible study, end it. Get out of this religion while your mental, emotional and spiritual health is still good because going deeper into it will imperil all of them.

Quendi

32

Do You Believe It Is Wrong To "Discipline" Your Child In A Physical Way?

by minimus in

jw
friends

my grandkids were being mouthy and they learned a new phrase, "shut your mouth".

it could be directed to their parents, grandparents or anyone who said something they didn't like.

they are 2 and 4 years old and beautiful children.

Quendi

I think the kind of physical discipline your grandchildren received from their parents is entirely appropriate. I also don't believe in physical or verbal abuse of anyone, but there are times when a physical response, done with the intention of reinforcing other instruction, is appropriate.

Quendi

11

Why Do Some People Who Know Better Remain "In The Truth"?

by minimus in

jw
friends

over the years, i would wonder why brother smarter than most would stay in a false religion.

i've spoken to many jws who have confided in me their doubts.

you would think, that they would be eager to get out, knowing what they know....but for some reason they stay and suck it up and continue the charade.. i can understand if a person decides to stay for family and because of not wanting to be shunned.....but how do they still, in good conscience, promote the "truth", when in fact they know it's all bullshit?.

Quendi

In addition to agreeing with the other comments posted, I also believe that many suffer from the Stockholm syndrome and are emotionally captive to the cult.

Quendi

28

I want your Christmas traditions!

by watersprout in

jw
friends

i have deceided that this year i would like (if you will indulge me) lots of different traditions from lots of different countries and cultures.... so what have you got??.

i also want to hear what makes your christmas super special... what do you do to make up for all those lost years.. babysprout really believes in santa... all the kids in her class have been telling her he isn't real.

i mean what is this, a class full of dubbies??

Quendi

I suppose I began marking Christmas some years ago with watching the movie The Lion In Winter on Christmas Eve. It is a Christmas story, but not at all the kind one associates with the holiday and its usual traditions. But I have always loved it, and this year will be no different. What will make this year special is that I will celebrate both Christmas and Boxing Day (26 December) with lots of feasting. I am very excited about the prospect of having lots of good holiday food to eat and enjoy.

I have been put in charge of preparing the feast for the American Thanksgiving Day in my new home. We won't have an entire turkey to eat since only four of us will be together, but large turkey breasts and many of the traditional side dishes will definitely be featured. I'm already deep into the planning and really looking forward to this.

After more than thirty-five years of holiday abstinence, I am definitely planning to make up for lost time this year. No, I won't be getting drunk or engaging in "licentious" behavior, but I do plan to do lots of merrymaking, feasting, rejoicing and revelry. That is what holidays are for, and there is absolutely no reason why I can't celebrate my life, my blessings and the company of friends, family and loved ones. If Jehovah's Witnesses and others want to deny themselves, they can certainly do so, but I am rejoining the human race in grand style. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Quendi

39

Is The WTBTS' View Of Homosexuality Softening?

by JW GoneBad in

or at least the public may be given the impression that jws and the wtbts are fair minded and do not discriminate against the homosexual lifestyle.

check out this quote from the nov 1, 2011 watchtower (public edition).

the article on page 4 is entitled 'ten questions about sex answered'.. question 8: does god approve of homosexuality?.

Quendi

First, I want to thank 144001 for his remarks. I appreciate them and also wish to express sorrow for the hatred he had to witness during the JW funeral. I wish I could say I was shocked and surprised, but in fact I would have been shocked and surprised if the grieving son had been treated with love and kindness.

Second, thanks once more to Mad Sweeney for throwing the spotlight on WTS actual doctrine about homosexuality. Although the article he pasted is nine years old, it perfectly displays the WTS position. What I found most harmful in it is the section called "An Encouraging Experience". When I confronted my judicial committee, I told them that experiences like that one were nothing more than fairy-tales and even downright lies. While I don't doubt the young man in the article may have felt he was in the clear, he was lying to himself and telling the magazine editors what they wanted to hear. It would be interesting to see if any follow-up was done with this man and if his feelings were the same today as they were then. I'm certain they are not. Even if he has remained celibate, he has had to cope with feelings of anxiety, loneliness, depression and perhaps suicide. Or perhaps he convinced himself that he is really straight and entered into marriage as both a cure and refutation of his homosexuality. If so, he will find, as so many gay men have before him, that marriage is not the answer but only the way to even more stress and unhappiness because he will be living a lie.

But don't expect The Watchtower to tell its readers what is going on with this man now because that would shatter the myths the WTS wants to believe in relation to homosexuality. The organization deliberately has remained ignorant about LGBT people. It has no desire to foster any kind of dialogue with us, nor does it want to understand how we think or feel. It wants to believe that we are good for nothing, and that if we want to serve God acceptably, we must purge our nature and adopt one that suits the WTS far more than it will suit us. And given the overall tenor of the article, I have to wonder how many young gay men and women have read it, realized that it doesn't truly speak to them and their reality, and have chosen suicide as a result because they see themselves as unrecoverable sinners with nothing to live for.

This organization has committed many serious and grievous crimes against humanity. I truly believe that. I see no chance it will ever repent of them and make efforts to atone for its evils. I can only hope that the friends and family I have who are still trapped within its dungeons will make good their escape, and that having sown to the wind, it will reap the whirlwind it richly deserves.

Quendi

39

Is The WTBTS' View Of Homosexuality Softening?

by JW GoneBad in

or at least the public may be given the impression that jws and the wtbts are fair minded and do not discriminate against the homosexual lifestyle.

check out this quote from the nov 1, 2011 watchtower (public edition).

the article on page 4 is entitled 'ten questions about sex answered'.. question 8: does god approve of homosexuality?.

Quendi

I'll share my experience with the WTS and its homophobia. When I was haled before the judicial committee, the atmosphere was one of unrelieved hostility. I was told that I was "spiritually sick" and needed to change my life and attitude or face everlasting destruction. My meetings with the elders often degenerated into arguments as I continually challenged the assumptions the organization made about LGBT people. The frustration they felt was evidenced by the anger they showed when I asked questions they could not or would not answer. And don't even get me started on the entirely inappropriate questions I was asked. All of this under the pretext that they were seeing if I were truly "repentant" of my "gross sin" and could be forgiven.

Then came the constant refusal to reinstate me and for reasons that had nothing to do with my original "offense". Like the Pharisees who 'strained out the gnat but gulped down the camel', the committee trumped up all kinds of trivial reasons to deny my reinstatement. But what became clear to me was the real reason for their denials was pure, undiluted hatred and homophobia.

So no matter what seemingly conciliatory statements appear in the literature about homosexuality, I know from personal experience that neither the WTS nor its appointed officers give a damn about LGBT people. They demand that we either be NPGs (non-practicing gays) and entertain no hope of ever having a partner and a strong, loving relationship with him or her, or if we pursue what are our true feelings and desires that we leave the organization of our own accord or get disfellowshipped. In both cases, however, no comfort, aid or understanding is extended to us. We're considered and treated as second- or even third-class human beings.

I told my judicial committee that the worse thing a person could be in this organization is a gay man or a lesbian woman. Such individuals were considered to be worse than pedophiles, thieves, murderers or other fornicators. We were obvious sexual predators intent on seducing the young men and women in the congregation. We were obsessed with the idea of having sexual relations with anybody of the same sex. And it was clear that we had no real love for God and his ways. The silence which greeted my accusation was evidence enough that I had stated the plain truth. That has always been the thinking in the organization, and the chances that it will ever change are as good as a leopard changing its spots.

Quendi

117

Is homosexuality ever justifiable? I say YES!!!

by TimothyT in

in the january 2012 awake, pages 28-29 there is another article about homosexuality.. .

the writers argue that genetics, the environment, and sexual abuse do not justify homosexuality.

the bible clearly states that homosexuality is wrong and is an abhorrent sin.

Quendi

Timmy, you're figuring it out and I'm happy for you and Jack. The issue is whether you are comfortable in your own skin. If you are, then it doesn't matter what other people think. And you are absolutely right to say that it's all about love and companionship, not about having sex with anyone in particular. It's still early in your relationship with Jack, but both of you have all my best wishes for your future together.

Because of all the negative stresses that are put on LGBT people, getting to the point you have reached is a very difficult journey. It involves two stages. First, the person has to admit his or her true nature. Second, that person must then accept it. Once those two stages are accomplished, the person can then make the kind of progress that will bring much joy and happiness in life. That is where I am and I now look to the future with anticipation and confidence.

I am glad that you have continued sharing with us on this board. Recent postings to this thread have proved there are others among us who appreciate what you have. You have given them hope and courage. There are others who do not understand what the issues are or why they are important. We can hope that full comprehension will come to them in time. But regardless of whether it does or not, the important thing now is to follow Christ's teachings as laid down in the Sermon on the Mount and obey what he said were the two greatest commandments: to love God with all we have and our neighbors as ourselves. Loving oneself is a command, and without that self-love we cannot truly love anyone else. You are cultivating that and have seen how it has improved your relationships with others.

Quendi