This thread has made me giggle since it was posted. They spent so much time telling us how happy and refreshed the meetings made us, I guess I really didn't realize that no one was enjoying them. There were enjoyable things, and I suppose I held onto those things as proof that I loved the meetings. Only, I didn't.
I tried to sit in the back row, and they became more and more aggressive about people sitting in the back. They did everything, short of forbidding it, to prevent us from sitting in the back. That really bothered me, because my understanding of things is that you should sit where your heart moves you and not do things under compulsion. My heart moved me to sit as close to the door as possible. Plus I could check out everyone's hair and clothes, and judge by body language who was fighting. It gave me something to think about other than that droning sound from the stage.
For a while, a Christian radio station started interfering with our speaker system. That made for fun. Once, a brother dropped a live microphone into his jacket pocket and went to the bathroom. That was especially fun. A bible study showed up drunk, and was totally inappropriate. That was great. I always thought it was funny when a "worldly" person would walk past me and I'd catch a whiff of marijuana. Cracked me up, and I knew how they were getting through the meeting.
Or, I would sit in the bathroom, or in the entranceway. Or I would sit in the library or the kitchenette. If no one else was there, I could turn out the light, close my eyes and rest. Anything I could think of to make it more bearable, I did.
But I did enjoy stopping at a restaraunt with friends afterward. That didn't tire me out--proof that I just wasn't a "spiritual" enough person. Sometimes,when I was in the bathroom or wherever, another friend would come in to hide out with me. Then we'd talk about other things, and the meeting would go faster, and I enjoyed that time.
Sometimes, between the public talk and the WT study, I just couldn't stand it anymore and would leave. Of course, I'd have to lie and say I just didn't feel good. Only, it wasn't really a lie, because I did feel a bit sick.
After it was all over, I'd feel good because I had fulfilled my duty and my conscience was clear, and I wouldn't have to answer probing questions about why I missed the meeting. I had a co worker that went to another hall, and she liked to talk about what happened at the meeting the night before, but I suspected she was really trying to judge by my responses if I had gone to my own meeting.
I liked the highlighters. I had a rainbow of colors, and enjoyed making the study material look pretty. Sometimes I would use different colored ink to write notes in the margins. I'm artisitc, and this was a way to break up the boredom, and also, an excuse to buy really cool markers. LOL They were also handy for poor bored children, I always shared my little treasures with them. Of course, they would return the favor and pop stickers all over my arm. Children are great.
Then I had bible students, so I had to set a good example. Oh, how I hated it, but I'd paste on the plastic grin and encourage them to come along and pretend they too loved it.
But I loved the ministry, sometimes, because I loved to help people. I didn't mind listening to people unburden themselves, and then encouraging them, not necessarily with scriptures. I was aware that when I stopped in on the elderly, I was more company than anything else. I didn't mind that. We should care about the elderly in our community. I could listen to their stories for hours and sometimes did.
The nice thing is, I don't need the ministry to do all those good things. There were things I hated about the ministry, but I loved the people. And now I don't have to worry that they are going to be destroyed before my very eyes. THAT'S the real good news.
