I have driven a car for over 20 years, excellent time to learn to ride a motorbike ☺it is exhilarating, liberating, and for me the place I learned 'mindfulness' which I am now more able to practice in everyday life. My mind was such a whirr of constant active thought before. Being on the bike, where I have to focus intensely on every action, on my surroundings etc for survival, it helped me blow out some cobwebs of indoctrination. I cant recommend it highly enough as long as you have decades behind the wheel and know that when you are riding you are essentially invisible to other road users. So ride with caution commensurate with your invisibility and you'll love it!
I am still newly awake and have been obsessed with all things exjw for months, but I thoroughly enjoy reading here and bolstering my freedom of thought. Strangely I can cope with the thought of my loss of the best 2 decades of my life to the bOrg, but it upsets me if I think of it in terms of individual days, hours or minutes. That I find too mindblowing. I put off almost EVERYTHING I enjoy to the new system. And I enjoy so many things, now feel my time left is so short it is daunting to prioritise what I want to do. If I hadn't been bOrged, I would have had boyfriends, maybe marriage and kids. A career, travel, perhaps owned my own home. Nicer cars instead of old bangers. Cooking, baking, entertaining, parties. Dabbled in painting, drawing, photography, knitting, embroidery, sewing, cross-stitch. Tennis, badminton, swimming, yoga, pilates. Surfing, parachuting, paragliding, hiking, climbing, abseiling, skateboarding, rollerskating, iceskating. Charity work, Religious exploration and perhaps true spirituality. Instead I have been a pioneer or wannabe pioneer all this time. Expert in front door design, doorbell ringtones, ornamental knockers and garden admiration.
Now reaping what I sowed...a bumper crop of humdrum, always skint, with a very basic education that threatens to leave me that way! Yet knowing TTATT now feeling truly happy and free, and although time is short and choices limited by present circumstances, possibilities seem endless simply because I'LL be choosing for myself.
So I've taken a step back to my teenage pre-bOrg self, become a compassionate vegetarian like I was then, and starting over. Clean slate which I selfishly won't be letting ANYONE else take a chalk to. This is MY life and while I welcome opinions from loved ones on what I should and shouldn't do, they don't expect me to conform to their opinions. They understand I have spent too long conforming to The Seven Men and have to make my life my own now....feel a re-write of song 64 coming on. Which reminds me...singing, learning instruments, writing music and songs...my To Do lists are too daunting, so I'll start with a 10point bucket list and add a new item each time I cross one off 😊.
In summary, if you enjoy whiling away a few hours on exjdubbing, do it! At least it is your choice, and you will design your own roadmap away from this intensive debriefing. But I think we all need it to some extent, cult withdrawal can cause PTSD so it is not surprising we need at the very least some support, understanding and a place to offload/vent. I am drawn to it daily, I'm sure many of us are. But also many are now ex-exjws, even ex-ex-exjws so this too passes and 1 day we too might just live 24hrs with it barely registering on our thought radar.
