Who really is supposed to care what standing one has before man?
Certainly Jesus did not die in good standing before man...screw that!
Worrying about what men think is what drives myriads of JWs to "pick their poison".
What I noticed is that God did not seem to be insatiable, but a whole buch of men using God sure were. So, I ignored them and still do.
Depressed as a JW? Sure, who wouldn't be depressed with such silliness. I felt like I was just a number working in a factory with a broken punch card machine that continuously caused my paycheck to come up short.