Posts by nilfun

38

TRICKY SITUATION

by bay64me in

jw
friends

i got new neighbours a couple of months ago.

to get straight to the point, i'm sure the husband is knocking his wife about.

i can hear him shouting and screaming and loud thuds and bangs, sometimes late at night and even last week he was so loud that he actually woke me up at 7.30 in the morning with his behaviour.. i really feel intimidated by him.

nilfun

Whenever my husband would beat me,
I knew that the neighbors could hear it.
I knew that our roomate could hear it.

And I can't begin to describe how alone
in the world I felt, knowing that they
knew, but never called for help for me.

However, at the same time, I knew how
frightening it would be for them to do
that & risk having a run-in with him later
on down the track. After all, I was too
afraid to turn him in, I knew what he
was capable of.

It did not stop until I stopped it.
It did not stop until I chose to live.
To really live.

It is a tricky situation.
I would love to tell you to call for help
for this poor woman.
But perhaps the abuse will stop when she decides
to leave him.

Or he kills her.

4

The Yellow Brick Road....

by TheSurvivor in

i just heard elton john's song on the radio titled beyond the yellow brick road.

wow!

it now has a whole new meaning for me, can you guess what it is?........

nilfun

No, TheSurvivor, it's not just you.
There is a healing power in music.

And the best songs always feel as
though the singer is singing it just
for me.

25

Emotionally stunted

by onacruse in

just had a good phone call with a friend i met on this board...got me to thinking about my life as a jw.

he's been "out" almost as long as i was "in.".

i was a reg pub at 6 years old, decided (yes, a very deliberate decision) to go to bethel when i was 8 years old, and was baptized at 10 years old (in 1962).

nilfun

One of the things I have learned since leaving the KH
is that I don't have to swing at every pitch thrown
my way. Sometimes I can just let the ball drop and
it feels sooo good to do that

I am thinking now of the way I was pressured to just
keep swinging at any and all objections/negative
stuff a housholder tossed at me. It felt great to
finally be able to allow myself to think "Boy this
person is pitching everything they have, whoo! here
comes a fast ball, ooh! there goes a curve ball...hmmm,
I wonder if they know that today I have chosen not to
be at bat..?" Usually when I find myself confronted
by this type of situation, that song by John Lennon
starts playing itself in my mind (I'm just sitting
here watching the wheels go round and round).

Because I don't have that much time left
to this life, maybe another sixty or seventy years to
go, if I am lucky.

Yeah, I was stunted, but once I started letting the
sun shine on my face, I began to grow again.

24

Woman Dragged Out Of Window By Demon!!!!

by SYN in

oh dear.

jwzone never fails to deliver, and the only thing that can make me laugh when i have a hangover this bad (sucky thing is, i don't even drink!

) is a post like the following from that haven of dubiness:"size matters not," to borrow a phrase.

nilfun

Apparently the T.V. show "I Dream of Jeanie" is a real demon magnet...

Reading the thread from JWzone really brought back unpleasant memories
of the KH, of the insanity of constantly asking/being told how we were
supposed to think or how we were supposed to feel about a certain topic,
instead of learning to think for ourselves.

Someone is actually worried about the "theocracy" of drawing elves and fairies???

*sigh*

25

Emotionally stunted

by onacruse in

just had a good phone call with a friend i met on this board...got me to thinking about my life as a jw.

he's been "out" almost as long as i was "in.".

i was a reg pub at 6 years old, decided (yes, a very deliberate decision) to go to bethel when i was 8 years old, and was baptized at 10 years old (in 1962).

nilfun

Hi Bikerchic

Thanks for the welcome.

My work of healing is an ongoing process. And my anger still raises
its (ugly?) head from time to time, but now I am ever conscious of
how beautiful this life is and I now know that The Sadness is not all
there is in life. And I do feel the need for me to "get over it" and
get on with it; I also realize that everone has their own way and own
timetable for doing that.

And my hat's off to you for going back to school! I think that's so cool.
Maybe there is still hope for nilfun in that regard?

And yes, I agree, this place is awesome. Thanks Simon.

25

Emotionally stunted

by onacruse in

just had a good phone call with a friend i met on this board...got me to thinking about my life as a jw.

he's been "out" almost as long as i was "in.".

i was a reg pub at 6 years old, decided (yes, a very deliberate decision) to go to bethel when i was 8 years old, and was baptized at 10 years old (in 1962).

nilfun

True, it's all how you look at it, now that I no longer go to KH, my cup isn't half anything, it's overflowing

Respectfully, I cannot agree with the statement that we are fortunate that we had an upbringing that taught us values
and instilled in us the abilitity to think. That's not true for all who responded to onacruse's initial post...

What values do you mean? I was taught that I did not matter to the org. Just one example:

When I was nine or so, I had a strong desire to go to college and said so
to one of the elders at the KH. Of course I was told that this was a Bad Thing and to forget about
it. So I responded by saying, "Well if I can't go to college, then I want to go to Bethel."
Of course I was told that since I was a female I better forget about that too. I had
no response after that, just an empty feeling inside.

And all those bible studies were a big waste of my time.

Come to think of it, they weren't really bible studies,
they were book studies or watchtower studies...

Edited by - nilfun on 1 September 2002 0:24:57

Song reminds me of silent lambs

by nilfun in

this song reminds me of silent lambs.... only talking sense.

there's a wild thing in the woolshed.

and it's keeping me awake at night.

nilfun

This song reminds me of silent lambs...

Only Talking Sense

there's a wild thing in the woolshed
and it's keeping me awake at night
a devil in the closet
and a feeling i'd prefer to hide
he is religion
he won't hear me when i cry for help
he has a vision of me
but i am somebody else

we talk the pillow
there are times when i am tied up to the fence
only talking sense

there's a mirror lake before me
but i'm frozen when it's time to jump
it's like maybe i'm afraid of what i'll find
when independence comes
you steal my shadow
you make my blood run dry

we are true only when we talk to the pillow
there are times when i'm tied up to the fence
only talking sense

did you suffer as a child?
that's why you want me to cry
you are afraid of me
that's why you are so unkind

you won't deny it
when your child is tied up to the fence
and i'm only talking sense

lonely when we talk to the pillow
and your child is messed up in the head
i'm only talking sense

-by the brothers finn

25

Emotionally stunted

by onacruse in

just had a good phone call with a friend i met on this board...got me to thinking about my life as a jw.

he's been "out" almost as long as i was "in.".

i was a reg pub at 6 years old, decided (yes, a very deliberate decision) to go to bethel when i was 8 years old, and was baptized at 10 years old (in 1962).

nilfun

Being raised a witness really stunted me socially/emotionally. It was slow soul murder. After I left, it was difficult to have a conversation that didn't revolve around "the truth". I didn't know how to just be myself. I didn't know how to just "be". It was almost impossible to honor my natural impulses/drives/hungers. It was hard for me to be assertive with men. It was hard to STOP playing the watchtower soundtrack and START making my own music. Eight years on and I believe I am finally coming around to myself.

51

Will everyone stop wearing clothes?

by plmkrzy in

jw
friends

after the earth is turned into a global paradise, .

will everyone stop wearing clothes?

will our eyes become closed to nudity as they were in the beginning?

nilfun

Once I was walking to the park with my children. It was a very hot summer's day, and finally my son stopped and peeled his shirt off. We continued on our way, and as I walked behind him I stared at his bare back and with a slight tinge of envy wondered what it must feel like, just to have the freedom to take off your top on a warm day and go around barechested with no shame attached. What at first seemed trivial really wasn't. This boy was free to follow his natural impulse on a hot day. As a female, I wasn't. No, I wouldn't miss any unnecessary clothes or hats or any of that stuff. And it would still be possible for me to have style. For example, on Monday I could wear a rose behind my ear, Tuesday a lei around my neck, Wednesday a brightly colored bird's feather in my hair, and so on...

8

How Do Dead Witnesses Feel?

by professor in

jw
friends

some of you may find this a bit strange.

i have a picture of charlie russell in a nice frame that i keep.

in fact, it sits on my desk at work.

nilfun

I am reminded of a certain elder who showed a lot of hostility towards me. For some weird reason he seemed to believe that I was covering up or had some inside info on some wrong-doing in the hall. He once told me that Jehovah had given him a "special power to be able to read a person's thoughts, so it was no use lying" to him -- he was a very strange person who only addded to my misery. It always hurt whenever I thought about how unloving he was to me. Eventually he died. Once, after his passing, I caught myself thinking about how mean he had been to me and I thought to myself, "How much more of your lifetime are you going to waste feeling resentful for the way he treated you? He is dead!"