TRICKY SITUATION

bay64me

I got new neighbours a couple of months ago. To get straight to the point, i'm sure the husband is knocking his wife about. I can hear him shouting and screaming and loud thuds and bangs, sometimes late at night and even last week he was so loud that he actually woke me up at 7.30 in the morning with his behaviour.

I really feel intimidated by him. He watches me when i'm in the garden and just don't know what to do.

We havn't really met each other properly and because i've heard how he goes on, I don't really want to.

His wife / partner rarely goes out without him so I feel like we're never going to talk. I want to but am afraid.

Last week when I was awakened by him, his wife / partner actually ran out into the garden and screamed for help. I feel ashamed that I never responded and it's been preying on my mind ever since.

I'd better mention that I too have had the experience of abuse in the past and hearing the sounds that I hear from next door really haunts me. I'm also fighting depression and suffer with aggoraphobia, so as good as my intentions may be, more often than not I can't always see things through!

I'm really looking for some sound advice. Is anyone able to offer any?

ISP

You are right it is a tricky situation.

If the noise is loud and intrusive...you can complain to the police etc. They maybe able to do something about that. But regarding the apparent abuse....you would hope the victim will do something.

ISP

Simon

Get a tape recorder and record it - that way you can provide some evidence of the behavior (esp if something serious happens)

If you don't want to get involved personally (and I don't blame you) then call the police if she is calling for help ...they are help.

Don't feel too bad ... it is up to her if she stays in that situation.

nilfun

Whenever my husband would beat me,
I knew that the neighbors could hear it.
I knew that our roomate could hear it.

And I can't begin to describe how alone
in the world I felt, knowing that they
knew, but never called for help for me.

However, at the same time, I knew how
frightening it would be for them to do
that & risk having a run-in with him later
on down the track. After all, I was too
afraid to turn him in, I knew what he
was capable of.

It did not stop until I stopped it.
It did not stop until I chose to live.
To really live.

It is a tricky situation.
I would love to tell you to call for help
for this poor woman.
But perhaps the abuse will stop when she decides
to leave him.

Or he kills her.

LB

Tape recorder, video cam and a phone call. She's locked in and needs help. The sad part is that even after an arrest, and I'll bet there have been some already, she will return.

He needs his assed kicked.

Bendrr

The incident where the wife ran outside screaming for help should have definitely warranted a call to 911, and the police will treat such calls with confidentiality when asked to do so.

In any case, you do have a responsibility to do something even if it's just to be a "nosy neighbor". Police and Sheriff departments in the U.S. (I'm assuming you're from the U.S.) do have non-emergency numbers listed in the phone book. You can call this number and speak directly with a police officer or sheriff's deputy instead of a 911 dispatcher.

I'd strongly advise looking up the police/sheriff's non-emergency phone number and making the call. You won't be talking to a 911 dispatcher, instead you'll be able to describe the situation to an actual cop and from what you've posted it sounds like the law needs to know what's going on.

Go make the call. You may end up saving a life.

Mike.

DakotaRed

I was once faced with a similar situation about 15 years ago. I lived in a one story apartment and they couldn't hide the fact that he was knocking her aound, not with things flying off my walls. Since the guy was much larger than me, I immediately called the police and they arrived right away. Of course, she denied anything was going on and even claimed her fresh bruises were her tripping and falling down.

It was known that it was I that called and I was told to mind my own business. I told him that what was going on was my business and I would call again. I also let him know that I kept loaded guns in my apartment, had two tours in Vietnam and had no qualms using them if he decided to come after me. I will not let myself be used as a punching bag again, not after my childhood.

Shortly after, the landlords asked them to leave and I don't know what ever happened to them. I felt so sorry for her, but she wouldn't accept the help when it was there.

Now, many communities have Domestic Violence laws and if called and there are signs of abuse, the offender is arrested, regardless of whether the vicitms agree or not. Call the police if it happens again. No one deserves to be beat like that, no matter the reason.

Lew W

Lin

Having been a battered wife myself with my now ex-husband, I can understand how you feel about what to do, etc. There are numerous community hotlines that could be called, totally anonymous, and they can handle it from there. Calling the police too when the noises are going on is a definite must. She may or may not go back, she may be looking for the right opportunity to get away. She may only need a means to get to a shelter or a relative if necessary. Help is needed, but do so carefully for your own protection. But do help. She needs it, and so does he.

Solace

Call the police as soon as you hear any screaming yelling etc.

If there is one thing I regret while I was young and living at home, it is not thinking of calling the police when my stepfather was beating my mother. Unfortionatly, years later, she is still with him. I think she is too ashamed to admit that its still happening and would never call the police on her own husband. I cant help but wonder how things may have turned out if charges were pressed. Maybe getting arrested would have taught him some kind of lesson.

Mimilly

Sorry - I don't see any 'tricky' in this 'situation'. That woman came out on her front yard calling for help. No one has to know you called. It warranted a call to 911. How would you have felt if you went out at night on your lawn calling for help with no one answering? Helpless, useless and not worthwhile. She was being beaten up. Not much chance for her to dial those three numbers is there!

I grew up in a home just like this. The entire neighborhood could hear my father beat the living shit out my mother - and I. The neighbors knew - cos I could hear it when I was outside on the street or in another house of a friend's, and at one time, we were asked to move.

Enough of this crap that the woman probably will or won't do this or that. You help! You call! It's bloody simple. Does Battered Wife Syndrome ring any bells? So she goes back - it's her fault? So you've been abused - you're not going to help, yet listen to her screams?

I was terrified of my father. At 14, I was the ONLY one to defend my mother and on many occasions, stop him from killing her. Was that easy for me? NO. But someone had to do it, and none of the so called adults in my world did a damned thing. I hate them for that.

There is NO tricky to this situation. You damned well call. If you need to remain anonymous, you say so and why. Also - this is NOT a situation where you call the police for disturbance of the peace. The police need to know, for their own safety that it is a domestic violence situation. They will often arrive with backup now.

That woman cried into the night. Little does she know that someone heard her and kept silent. How the hell would that make YOU feel?

Tricky my ass.

Mimilly

TRICKY SITUATION

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