Ugh...that was my first husband to a tee! The phone calls back and forth were way excessive! I ended up barely calling my mom when we lived far away just to keep the phone bill down a little. I always complained when the phone bill came too...I went so far as to add up all the calls made to his mom and show him. Sometimes men aren't aware that things cost as much as they do.
Now, do your in-laws just try to get involved in everything in your life? My ex-MIL was a real piece of work. When my ex was deployed overseas, she would write him letters bashing me for everything!
I was able to get him to see that she would never accept me and would try to make him choose between us. I never made him choose, but I did make sure he didn't accomodate all of her absurb requests on his time by planning other things. Usually she was a "last minute" type of planner, so I'd just have things set up. Occasionally, he would get mad at her and they would stop speaking for awhile and then things would be okay for awhile. But, my problems with him were bigger than him being a mama's boy so we divorced.
Although, dinner is definitely a planned activity. I'd ask him what time is a definite dinner time and tell him that everyone is expected to be at the table. Turn the ringer off on the phone if you have to. Or go directly to the source and tell the MIL that you eat at such and such a time and that you'd appreciate if she didn't call during that time. I'd try to set up a set time and day for the phone calls. Just mark it under the guise of "wanting to be home when you call, since we are just so busy."
My ex-MIL still causes me problems and I divorced her son over 7 years ago. My oldest sons are spending the summer with their dad about an hour away...however she keeps coming and getting them and taking them to her house which is 4 hours away. I have no problem with them spending time with her as she is their grandma, but again, she just calls him up and says, "I'm coming to get them today." My ex and I had agreed they would return to me before their brothers birthday party next week, but now his mom isn't going to bring them back until 2 days after. The party is already set and paid for, so I can't do much about changing the date. I am so mad, and my soon to be 5 year old can't believe his brothers are going to miss his party!
Mamacat
JoinedPosts by Mamacat
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18
Mama's Boys
by Thegoodgirl inquestion: are you dealing with a mama's boy?.
i am afraid i am.
my hubby is on the phone with this parents (actually mostly his dad) for about an hour each night.
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Mamacat
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Teaching a Toddler to Reason...
by jgnat ini'm working on my "unbelieving mates" book today.
i'm putting together the best ways to teach a child to reason from infancy to adulthood.
i firmly believe that a child taught to reason can be permanently inoculated against pyramid schemes, con artists, bad dates, fear-mongering, false politicians promises, quackery, and destructive religious extremism.. reasoning ability is closely tied to language development.
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Mamacat
Great ideas here, jgnat!
Limbogirl...I am the same way with my sons. If one of them shows an interest in something, I made sure to indulge it. My almost 5 year old loves trains...and The Little Engine that Could is one of his absolute favorite books too. We have went on train rides, to train musuems, to a few historical society buildings just to look at the old photos of trains, etc. I never would have thought to seek out these places on my own, but I want to make him happy. My parents weren't the indulging type...they chose everything that we did and I had no say. I meet moms all the time that can't imagine spending even $10 on something that their kids will like but the parents don't think they will enjoy. But I say that if it costs $10 or whatever for my kids to have a memory that will last their whole life, it is definitely worth it to them. And, hey, even I thought it was cool to ride on Thomas the Tank Engine. lol
I encourage my boys to talk to people we meet and ask questions if they have them. I remember being scared of "worldly people" too, and I won't have them grow up terrified to speak to new people and make new friends.
While sometimes, we listen to music in the car, more and more, we just talk and play games. Sometimes it is hard to get them all to sit down at the house to have a good conversation with all their different activities and schedules, but in the car, they are much more willing to listen and participate. I love when they are all laughing and talking among themselves...I don't remember much laughter and joy in my house as a kid. -
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JW parents/relatives attempts to encourage you to come back or change ...
by alienagent ini am rather new here, so i may be repeating a worn out subject.
however, for me it is rather a new experience, since i have only just recently stopped going to the kh.
my heart has never really been in it, though i am not in total disagreement and have made some nice friends in "the truth".
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Mamacat
My mom was big with the guilt trips. She would find mags that I should read too. Once I moved out, married, had kids, it was different, but still a prevailing theme.
I finally couldn't take it anymore when she was crying and saying that it wasn't only me that she was going to lose to Armageddon, it was her grandsons too. I told her that she told me when I was a kid, I would never have to worry about graduating high school, getting a job, having kids etc in this "old system." And that I was injured for life because I never had the goals and plans like other normal kids do. Everytime I wanted to do something, it was shot down because we didn't have much time left...
I told her I couldn't have her saying stuff like that in case the kids overheard...that we were going to die! I asked her if she would like to tell them directly to their faces the stuff she kept telling me. She said she wouldn't want to hurt or scare them! Well DUH then quit trying to do it to me although I know bettter. I lived with that crap as a kid.
We finally agreed to disagree. She doesn't bring up her jw stuff unless I ask or if she does bring it up, I can tell her I don't want to discuss it, and she will respect that. That way, she gets to spend all the time she wants with us and think it is because we won't make it through to paradise...and we don't have to listen to the jw crap. It took several years to get to that point, and I was never baptised. But, above all, my mom has a commitment to family, which I know not all jw's do. I think it came from the fact that she wanted to spend time with us more than we wanted to spend time with her.
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Automatic Re-instatement?
by BritBoy indoes anyone out there know the answer this one.... .
ok, take for example the oral sex thread and the fact that the dubs reversed their thinking on this.
so, twenty years ago (within the marriage arrangements) blow job = disfellowshipping... now it's a "matter of conscience".
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Mamacat
I asked my mom about this concerning the changes about blood and blood fractions. She said that after people were df'd for that, if they made no attempt to be reinstated, they fell out of Jehovah's favor. Since, they had no favor, they would do other things that were reasons for disfellowshipping so it all equaled out. I think my mom and the other JW's think that once you are out, you go silly with sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.
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XJW critical mass?
by IP_SEC inhow many xjws are there out there?
how many xjws know the truth about the troof?
are there now more xjws than there are active witnesses?
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Mamacat
I have been surprised to learn just how many people have had experiences with JW's. I don't casually mention that my mom is one, or that I was raised with it. But, I will mention it to my friends if it comes up (usually in response to if we are going to visit family for the holidays, or if my family is coming for my kids' birthdays.)
Almost everyone I know has someone in their family that either is a JW or was at one time! I remember when I was one of 2 or 3 in my school, I always thought that it was very uncommon to be one because I was so singled out. I have gave several people tips on how to get them to stop coming back to their doors!
I don't think you could ever figure it out using statistics, because everyone here that went to the hall will remember when someone's study would show up for a few meetings, or when someone would get a family member to come for a while. There are many people out there that have been exposed to the JW teachings that just decided it wasn't for them. I don't know that they would be so invested to try to deter others from joining though. I definitely do though!
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Fictional representations of Jehovah's Witnesses
by slimboyfat ini wonder if anyone has ever compiled a list of references to jehovah's witnesses in novels and other works of fiction.
i have been reading about research into mormonism focussing on how mormons have been represented over the years in works of fiction.
a similar project with jehovah's witnesses would be really fascinating.
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Mamacat
There was an episode of Law & Order SVU called Rooftop where a suspect refused to have his blood drawn for a DNA test and said it was because he was a jw. The detectives asked him to prove it, but the M.E. said that so long as he said it, she had to take his word for it and couldn't do the test.
I didn't know that jw's would against a DNA test, and of course, the guy was just saying that to get out of taking one for what it would prove.
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YOUR LAST MEETING.........................
by vitty in........................at my last meeting, the elder was talking about 1975 and said "it never happened, it is appostates using a time when (some) brothers took the info in the wt wrong"...................i just blinked and finally woke up.. i had been on this site lurking for a couple of weeks, and realized thing werent right, but to have some creep say on the platform " it didnt happen"............when this ruined my and my siblings childhood, just made me snap.
on the way home, i told my hubby "that was the last meeting im going to"................boy was he pleased.. .
so if you didnt get df ......................what happened at your last meeting.?.
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Mamacat
I don't remember my last regular meeting...it was early 1994 sometime. But, I went to the Memorial in 1996 because my mom begged me and kept telling me how everyone always asked about me. I was about to leave for Germany, so I went. Since I had stopped attending, I had gotten married and had a child; my husband joined the Army.
My mom never told most people in the congregation about my son, but I didn't know this. So, I walked in to the Hall and I wasn't shunned (never was dunked) ...but everyone did their fake welcomes and wanted to know about this baby I had with me. I told them he was mine, and I guess I satisfied their curiousities because after the Memorial that night no one spoke to me as my mom chattered with everyone in attendance it seemed. My son was crying because he was tired and yet she still kept talking. I was steaming that she never told her 'friends' about her first grandchild and that she didn't get the hint that we needed to go because it was so late.
I drove her once to the hall a few years later because there were snow flurries and my non-JW dad told her she couldn't take the car out in that weather. She used to drive another older sister to the hall who I had always liked, so I agreed to take them and pick them up, but I did not stay. A few people came out afterwards to say hello to me and see my boys.
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It is finished, or is it just beginning?
by IP_SEC inwell i am no longer one of jehovah's witnesses.
i had fully intentioned to disassociate myself from the platform today, but i decided that if i wanted a chance to save my marriage that i'd better tell my wife.
she immediately went to to one of the elders.
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Mamacat
Wow Matt! I don't post much, but I read all the time. I've been thinking about you and how hard it must be to put on a fake smile and face the dubs everyday in your position feeling like you do and knowing what you know.
I think you are very brave, and I am sorry your wife is having trouble coming to terms with your decision. There is no doubt from me that it was well thought out and from your heart.
Best of luck in the coming days, months, years...Even though I haven't been in a KH in years, the crap they indoctrinated in my head will always be there on some level, and that is the worst part because it lasts so long. (((BIG HUGS))) to you! -
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Whats the spookiest thing that has happened to you?
by diamondblue1974 ini have had a few experiences which some could be dealt with rationally although even to this day the coincidences seem too convenient; .
mine was on new years day in 1994; i didnt celebrate new years at the same although i was about to start my fade that year; i was ill on new years eve anyway and i had been sleeping when i awoke at precisely 12.13. i couldnt get back to sleep but there was no obvious reason why.. my grandmother was in hospital but she was getting better when i had last spoken to her; i managed to back off to sleep but woke that following morning for some reason really concerned about my gran; just as i was coming downstairs the phone rang and my girlfriend answered it.
i said to her before she got to the phone that it would be my mother with bad news about my gran; i was right on both counts; it was my mum and my gran had died.....at 12.13 precisely..
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Mamacat
I shouldn't have read this thread right before bed!
Nothing really spooky, but definitely scary. When I was in the 5th grade, I was at a friend's house. Some guy was behind us as we walked around her apartment complex. We were just wandering around, so we weren't on a set path or anything. We started to think he was following us, so we walked faster...so did he. We started running, and he did too. Then, he started yelling at us to stop for a minute saying he needed to tell us something. My friend started to turn around, and I pulled her and told her we needed to go back to her house NOW. Once we got near her apartment, he turned around and walked the other way.
Later that day, the police arrested him for exposing himself to some other girls and trying to get one of them in his car. I have never told my mom what happened because I was rarely allowed to go to anyone "wordly"'s house, and I was afraid she wouldn't let me go anywhere at all anymore. -
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It's FINALLY happened!!!
by HadEnuf inwe just received 1,000 copies of my son's band, tree of woe's, new cd..."mushroom cloud".
they are an alternative rock band that recorded at 7th kid studios down in ok with jimmy newquist producing 3 of the songs this past march.
they're even getting air time on central wi's biggest rock station.
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Mamacat
How awesome! I listened to their song, and I like it! I hope they get picked up on other stations and go on to great success!
Congrats Cathy and Brooke. I have a son named Austin :) and little bean is going to be named Luke lol.