Sometimes I feel bad that I wasted so much time as a dub, but honestly thats part of who I am and that's ok.
Meditation videos on youtube and other places on the web really helped me to relax.
You can change your feelings by working hard to change what you spend time thinking about.
People say you become what you think about most of the time.
Even if not true, thinking negative most of the time will make you depressed.
When you start thinking about death change the mental subject.
A couple things that help me to stop thinking about negative stuff is;
Picturing stop sign when I start thinking negative.
Taking my negative thoughts and pretending to play them like a record while scratching them with the record needle.
Some people who are more visual might want to think of them like a micky mouse cartoon.
The things tha the seemed to help the most were probably the meditation and hypnotism videos on youtube, podcats etc...
There are also a ton of motivational books that you can listen to and download from youtube.
Just search for full book on youtube and you will start to find stuff. The more you find the more you will find.
I also try to start and end my day by thinking about what I am grateful for. It is hard at first but slowly gets easier as time goes by.
It might seem odd but if you were sick and had to take a pill every day you wouln't feel the least bit odd about doing it.
I have gone from chronic depression and negative thinking to being happy most of the time.
