Hey freetobeme
Does it bother you thinking you are saved and others are damned?
May I relate a story before I answer your question?
When I was quite young, a friend of mine who my mother did daycare for, asked me if I wanted to have a sleep over at his place. He had never asked before. I asked my mom if I could go but, without giving any reason, she said no. My friend went home with his mom that afternoon and that was the last time I saw him. The next day, he, his father, his brother, and his uncle dissapeared while day fishing. They have never been found. Had I spent the night at my friend's house I'm pretty sure I would have been invited to go fishing with them before they dropped me off back home. At that time and for many years after, I considered how a simple, seemingly arbritrary decision may have kept me from disaster. My mom always said she didn't really have a good reason as to why she didn't let me go. I felt I was kind of like a lone survivor of a plane crash and it would make me feel guilty at times.
Fast forward 15 years later, and I became a Christian. Do I believe I'm saved? Yes I do. Do I believe I'm any more deserving than anyone else? No. When I think about my salvation now, I can't help but think about my "salvation" then. My friend was no more deserving of his fate than I was. I "was in the same boat with him" right up until the day I wasn't in the same boat with him.
Does it bother me to think I am saved while others aren't? Sometimes, because I don't deserve it any more than anyone else. I also wonder why I've had the privelege of growing up in Canada without ever going hungry a day in my life while there are so many others who struggle to survive every day.
In both instances, I'm grateful and perplexed.