Posts by StephanieH

18

A Typical Witnessing Letter from JW Family

by mummatron in

thought i'd share this as this is a typical example of the kind of letters i get very occasionally from my jw family.

in this instance it was sent as my daughter had spent some time in hospital.

note, very little information in terms of family news.

StephanieH

I can understand how you feel on this one. When I left back in Dec. up until a month or so ago my father would call me every Saturday and try to get me to talk to him and the elders. After months of this it only made it harder for me to let go. I finally started ignoring the calls, but he wouldn't give up. So I started answering once again, but I began throwing information of my own in each time, he didn't know how to respond when I put my new education to good use.

As much as I miss my family, even thought they were never much of one, I know it is best for now to keep my distance. Even though I am still freshly out of the JW's I know for my own good not to put up with the constant taunting. I made my father and other family members agree that if they call it is strictly buisness and if they start preaching I hang up. They haven't called since the elders finally took the hint and disfellowshiped me after six months.

I has started to get easier already. And as a new comer to JWN the few days I've been here have helped me already. Now at least I know that, even though the JW cult turned my family and 'friends' away, I am not alone. Neither are you!

I have found also that family isn't always who shares your blood, or who you have grown up around.. We, in many ways, can creat new families. I have started mine with friends who have taken me in. I know our real families can never be replaced, but I would rather let mine go and move forward with life making my own full of people who accept and love me for who I am.

17

I remember an illustration "something" like this in a talk one time LOL

by therevealer in

my wife stood before me with some items in front of her.

without a word, she emptied a large jar of mayonnaise and proceeded to fill the empty jar with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2" diameter, then asked me if the jar was full.

i agreed that it was.. she then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar.

StephanieH

That illustration I have heard but actually it was from one of my college professors not an elder. It's sad they can't come up with anything unique and new, seeing as they are a sort of 'chosen people' lol I guess as they keep on with their cover ups they will also still and aply illustrations as well as scriptures as they please!

17

I remember an illustration "something" like this in a talk one time LOL

by therevealer in

my wife stood before me with some items in front of her.

without a word, she emptied a large jar of mayonnaise and proceeded to fill the empty jar with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2" diameter, then asked me if the jar was full.

i agreed that it was.. she then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar.

StephanieH

I dont recall the mayonnaise/rocks one but I have heard the spring one all to many time... I guess I've started to spring out of control now.. oops lol. I have to admit I was pretty good at tuning out the meetings without anyone noticing. I always hated the spring illustration because I felt, when I moved in with my dad and his new wife, my spring was held a bit too tightly then put inside a box and locked away! Ugh, how I don't miss those dreadfull talks with the illustrations that they drag out and over use.

46

I love gays :)

by freeflyingfaerie in

some of my favorite people are~.

after leaving the religion, my lesbian couple friends were the most compassionate people, and i will always love them!.

i am heterosexual, but find gays to be absolutely fabulous!!.

StephanieH

As a lesbian just 'out of the closet' I have found that there is way more acceptance and that I am not a horrible discusting abonation as the JW's have told me my whole life. For the first time there is one thing that I am able to except and rejoyce about is that I am openly gay! For years I thought I would be better off dead but once I started going to college I was 'exposed' to more of my kind. lol. It save my life! I thought I shouldn't even bother I was going to be misrable any way that I went about it. If I left the JW's I'd lose my family, and everything I knew. If I stayed I would be the same misrable closeted lesbian who almost married a ministerial servant just because everyone wanted us to get married!

And hey now Freydo, you might want to do you're research or maybe try to be friendly to a few 'gays'. We are no different than any one else. We love the same, we laugh, we live, the only big difference is the completely uncalled for discrimination. I tried to hide 'it' ignore 'it' go completely against 'it' but I am gay and I was born this way.

I have found friends who love me and accept me, most of my coworkers and classmates know, I am very open if someone asks me. The world isnt as unaccepting as I thought it would be coming from the JW cult.

51

I have just left my parents home and the JW's about six months ago and have found it hard to get over.

by StephanieH in

i finally desided to leave the witnesses therefore my family and basicly everyone and everything i had ever known.

i was 19 about to be 20 and i had just finished my first semester at a community college.

i was shocked at the respons of my father and others about me attending college at first they were ok but behind my back they were pretty much betting on my failier.

StephanieH

NewChapter, yes I have managed to keep some contact with my mother over the years dispight the many visits to the 'back room' and disputes with my father and his wife over it. I saw her for the first time in over six years a few months back, sadly she doesn't live close anymore so I'm not sure when we will see each other again, she has been in bad heal from the life she fell into after being dfed she turned to drugs now she has had servral heal issues since 09'.

skeeter, College was one of the steps that helped me make my final stand. I was forced to drop out of high school when I was 15 but I did get my GED after a round with DHS coming out for child neglect/abuse charges (which were dropped once my parents threw out their lies and brought up religious beliefs). I have desided it best to take the summer off so that I can deal with some things and start my healing prossess. I will start back to school in the fall. I am actually magoring in psychology and minoring in sociology so in many ways my 'tough upbringing' will pay off in the end I hope to be able to help others. I know that in time I will heal but there will always be scars from this left behind.

I truly thank each of you for your support. It has at least made today a bit easier and as I continue on I think being a part of this website will be a great help. I have been doing my own research for a few years now secretly before I managed to find my way out of the JW cult. I only wish that some how I could help, if no one else, my older sister and her family to see. Her children mean the world to me, in fact her oldest son has called me mom since he was a baby. I hate to see others go through what I have, but know that I know that I am not alone I feel stronger and I do believe in time I will be able to help other people who have gone through similar trials.

51

I have just left my parents home and the JW's about six months ago and have found it hard to get over.

by StephanieH in

i finally desided to leave the witnesses therefore my family and basicly everyone and everything i had ever known.

i was 19 about to be 20 and i had just finished my first semester at a community college.

i was shocked at the respons of my father and others about me attending college at first they were ok but behind my back they were pretty much betting on my failier.

StephanieH

Tal, thank you it's hard to get past the guilt and thought of it all. I have always asked myself and God what is so wrong with me. It has been hard to realize that it is the JW's who are wrong.

Nic, I think finding people near by who are exjw's would be a great help but I'm not sure where to find them. I live in a small town that is surrounded by a bunch of other small towns.

Mag, thanks and no I haven't joined any websites for children of alcoholics but I have friends as well as cousiling that I go to that have helped me to deal with that. I myself have had trouble with alcohol in the past because my parents would practicly force it on me. I have sought out help with that and have been 'sober' for almost a year.

51

I have just left my parents home and the JW's about six months ago and have found it hard to get over.

by StephanieH in

i finally desided to leave the witnesses therefore my family and basicly everyone and everything i had ever known.

i was 19 about to be 20 and i had just finished my first semester at a community college.

i was shocked at the respons of my father and others about me attending college at first they were ok but behind my back they were pretty much betting on my failier.

StephanieH

Thank you to everyone for your suport I really was not sure what to expect when I joined. I think it might be a good idea to seek out other exjws near by.

51

I have just left my parents home and the JW's about six months ago and have found it hard to get over.

by StephanieH in

i finally desided to leave the witnesses therefore my family and basicly everyone and everything i had ever known.

i was 19 about to be 20 and i had just finished my first semester at a community college.

i was shocked at the respons of my father and others about me attending college at first they were ok but behind my back they were pretty much betting on my failier.

StephanieH

Snowbird yes I guess I kind of have been put through the wringer over the past few month but I know it will be worth it in time.

Found Sheep I know it will take me a while to deal with this all.

Thankfully I have already been in therapy getting help that way through this even while I was still a part of the organization. I never really understood most of what they taught me growing up because it always seemed to me that my life was one big web of lies and secrets. I just keep hoping that things will get easier. The hardest part of it all was leaving behind my sister and her three kids who have been my world since they were born. I hate knowing how they will grow up, I was the only one who really took care of them when they needed someone and they are still so young. I feel guilty for leaving them behind but I know there is nothing I can do anyway.

51

I have just left my parents home and the JW's about six months ago and have found it hard to get over.

by StephanieH in

i finally desided to leave the witnesses therefore my family and basicly everyone and everything i had ever known.

i was 19 about to be 20 and i had just finished my first semester at a community college.

i was shocked at the respons of my father and others about me attending college at first they were ok but behind my back they were pretty much betting on my failier.

StephanieH

Thank you Blondie I really wasn't thinking about the format thanks for putting it in paragraphs. :) It is just still very hard for me to talk about any of this much less seek help. Plus I am not really sure how this website works just yet.

51

I have just left my parents home and the JW's about six months ago and have found it hard to get over.

by StephanieH in

i finally desided to leave the witnesses therefore my family and basicly everyone and everything i had ever known.

i was 19 about to be 20 and i had just finished my first semester at a community college.

i was shocked at the respons of my father and others about me attending college at first they were ok but behind my back they were pretty much betting on my failier.

StephanieH

I finally desided to leave the witnesses therefore my family and basicly everyone and everything I had ever known. I was 19 about to be 20 and I had just finished my first semester at a community college. I was shocked at the respons of my father and others about me attending college at first they were ok but behind my back they were pretty much betting on my failier. My father and step mother are both alcholics and the elders have know about this for years. My father had left my real Mom when I was 9 and she was wrongly disfellowshiped and hurrassed by the elders until she finally left the state for good when I was 13. I was not allowed to see my mom, it was over six years since I had seen my own Mom the woman who gave birth to me and I knew I'd never see her if I stayed amung the jw's. On top of that I had many other 'secrets' that I had been holding onto for so long I felt as if I was about to die. I have battled with depression for most of my life and when I was younger even tried to commit suicide but only found myself in the hospital. I blamed everything on my mom only because she was the one who wasnt there but there was much more behind it. I found myself again contemplating why I should even live anymore when I got a phone call from the only true friend that I had (which was not a witness) she talked to me for a while and convinced me to come see here (she works at a mental health clinic and has worked with me since I was 16). She saved my life that day, I broke down I told her I could not live like that anymore I was sick of sneaking around and lying and living my life in a box. She calmed me down and helped me to find a way out. I went home and found both my father and step mom drunk and fight as usual so I went to my room and began packing a few bags of things I would need until I found my own place. I managed, by the grace of God, to sneak my way out while they were at the meeting that Sunday (I faked sick). I threw a few bags in my car and left to go stay in a shelter because I didn't have anywhere else to go. I refused to speak to my father or anyone other than the one visit my father came to with my therapist. I finally told him everything.. I spilled my guts out knowing that if I would've told him without the therapist there he would have went off on me. I told him I did not want to be a Jehovah's Witness, I was not going to go home, and the hardest part... I finally admitted to my father that I am a lesbian. He was is complete shock and did not have much to say. I felt a sense of relief for the first time, however it didnt last long. I started getting phone calls left and right from everyone in the congregation mostly the elders. I spoke to the PO and asked them to please leave me alone I had been through enough and I had nothing further to say. This continued until I found a job and moved into a town close by. My father and my oldest sister who is also a jw told me what a horrible discusting person I was and that I needed help. They both admitted that they were not surprized that I was gay but they thought I would be strong enough to ignore it. I'm 20 years old how can I ignore something so big? Something that is and always has been a part of me! I am still struggling now six months later with the loss of my family and so called friends. I don't know how to let go of the many things that have happend in my life with as I was raised as one of jehovah's witnesses. The elders had actually started stalking me outside of my home and work and college! My father had lead them straight to me. I tried one last time asking them to leave me alone and I was told that if I refused to meet with them or write a letter then they would have to continue 'staking out my place and work' until they caught me alone. I asked the elder if that was a threat, he didn't know how to respond he only said "well we are only doing our duty to Jehovah." I asked if his duty was to judge and put someone to shame and make them feel worthless, to this he did not really have an answer either. I finally when to the police and filed a harrament report against the elders and my father. This killed me I was so confused and scared. Thankfully they have now backed down and I am now disfellowshiped. I am still however having a very hard time dealing with all of this on my own. I have made friends at work/college and actually have been dating a woman who has been a great source of support but they don't understand a lot because they don't know how the witnesses really are. I guess I am seeking advice or someone who can really understand what I have been going through so that I can move on with my life freely.