I relate to you ... I realized how structured my prayers as a JW were, like a robot, always in a hurry and just something to check off the list of the TO DO things, or to be seen and perceived as "spiritual" . After 40 years of praying to "Jehovah" I found myself mute, literally, I couldn't even formulate the same words, my mouth, my lips felt lazy, it felt like vomit, so unnatural. BUT then I started to pray like Jesus taught - to the Heavenly Father, I also learned to pray from the Scriptures and to really pray/talk to God about anything related to my life, emotions, needs. I also learned to praise God and truly from the bottom of heart say thanks, I learned to say I love you God. I learned to feel part of God's family, I am his daughter and He is my Heavenly Father. I learned that my suffering and struggle was because I have not realized and believe that I am God's creation, I am his daughter in Christ, I have an inheritance from Him, HE IS MY FATHER above all, then because I choose to worship him HE IS ALSO MY GOD - AN NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME NOW.
I have also noticed the Apostles faith and relationship with Jesus, from then I learned to talk to Jesus, to also ask him for things, most of the mornings I say "Good morning Heavens!!!" meaning everybody up there. I am not afraid of thinking about God, Jesus, all the Angels, and feel part of the family with the diference that I am still here on earth. I ask God to appoint angels over me and my children to keep us safe. So my prayer life brings me real happiness, hope and the power to do things.
