Sledracer,
Being tucked inside a religious structure has its appeal.
Anyone who would deny that is denying the great success organized religions have enjoyed over thousands of years.
It meets a need.
It fills a place.
It gives comfort, friends, guidance and tangibility to group beliefs.
Honestly, I would still be a Witness if it were only the beliefs that were questionable.
I was one of those people who pushed away my doubts by telling myself that the good outweighed the bad.
Then 2 things happened.
One,
a family member of prominence got in to a "situation". Someone was after his head and watching that go down was amazing. I saw a Circuit Overseer lie to Headquarters. There was money involved but I wont bog down in the details. I saw documents that had forged signatures (the forgery was committed by the Presiding Overseer. Bethel sent a committee.
The forgery brother got his hand slapped privately. The C.O got hand slapped privately. The entire body of elders had to get with the wronged party and apologize (again privately). So basically they got up and slandered a good mans name from the platform calling it an "announcement". and when they got called on their shenanigans that could not be handled with an announcement. It had to be handled quietly and "privately".
That is when it hit me that the standards I though were so solid gold were actually done on whim.
I wish I was intellectual enough that I could have left for a "higher" reason but it was just getting smacked in the face with a shovel and seeing that ultimately, no one is flying the plane that gave me permission to walk out.
so after some time and with some urgings of a friend came reason number
Two
I attended what would be the equivalent of an old Tuesday night book study but his one wasnt the Witnesses.
It was the Seventh Day Adventists. I saw a very similar format. Similar belief structure, similar support mechanisms.
That experience )it lasted 3 months) seemed to evaporate the last of the mystique the Witness experience held over me.
To see them have such feet of clay in my #1 and then to see that other groups (and there are many) have as much to offer as they do - which I found in step #2 did a lot to help me.
I think that is why your post resonates so much with me. You are expressing what you think you need to do and that is exactly what you should do.
No one can find your way for you except you.
So go back. See how it works for you.
If it doesnt work you will have clarity as to why.
If it does work - then good.
You deserve to be happy.
