I remember when I was still in and my adult son was disfellowshipped.
I always held my breath in hoping that he would come. Being totally honest? I knew that if he didnt, I would be the object of pity among other mothers and get a lot of false commiseration. If he came, I would not be singled out for that deadly pity farce that JWs show to each other when this sort of situation comes up.
My son always came. He arrived in a suit and with a carefully arranged genial expression. He told me "I am doing this for you mom. It is very little for me to do in the scheme of things and I dont mind at all."
Of course, I secretly hoped "something would touch his heart while he was there" like all full in believers hope.
Now I am out and he is still out but he has been such a class act in handling the way he left I use him as my example for my own behavior.
I am hoping I dont go this year - it will be my first not to if so.
But my rule of thumb is if one of the people I love who are "in" will be negatively impacted by my NOT coming then I will go.
It all means less to me than waiting in line at the bank but it means so much to them on more levels than I can count, so its worth the wasted hour if it spares them pain.
So far no one has asked me. hooray!