AuntConnie-I can understand where you are coming from. When I was a teenager, I decided I would NEVER in a million years marry a man who was an elder because they are so good at ignoring their own families for everyone else's. My father was an elder. We were dirt poor because we had moved to an economically depressed area to save his family before the 'end of this system' in 1975. My father was involved helping everyone else except our family, because we were not the squeaky wheels.
'The squeaky wheels get the oil', and your brother is the squeaky wheel in your maternal/paternal family, and you resent it. You wanted your mother's love too, and she didn't realise she needed to show it to you, as you appeared fine. You are now hurt that no one acknowledged all that you sacrificed for the Organization, and it is a huge sacrifice. You made a pact with your family for shunning weak JW family member. Your parent weren't able to live up to the pact, they realised their kids are important to them, rightly so, they are showing family affection and love. They were right, of course, they probably realised that you would shun them too, your brother and sister were more capable of showing real family love than you have been able to because of the sanctions imposed by the Borg, your husband, and your own mind.
If you had diabetes, would you consider it a weakness to take insulin? Would you consider yourself a drug addict if you were dependent upon it? Probably not. The brain is such a complex structure, with billions upon billions of electrical connections firing at the same time. Sometimes, these connections misfire due to the intricate structure becoming imbalanced by hormones that under or over produce. Hormones that are affected by outside influences-chemical pesticides, alcohol, food compostion, the bodies inability to properly synthesize nutrients. (Like the pancreas not producing enough of the insulin hormone). Hormones can also be affected by inner enviroments-too much cortisol produced in response to pain, flight or fight response, or whatever, and the cortisol making areas burn themselves out, like the pancreas and insulin production, making a brain unable to cope with pain appropriately and hence depression. Depression and pain are often linked together.
For me, anti-depressents have allowed me to cope with my brains imbalance, which happens to be seretonin. Like a diabetic would feel better on insulin, I feel better with my seretonin reuptake inhibitor.
Whatever happens, I hope that you can feel valued and appreciated. I hope you can love you mother for who she is, as well as your father.
PTN