msil

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Posts by msil

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  96

  Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories

  by msil in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).

  but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.

  it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.

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  msil

  Scruffy

  He was a white mixed-breed. A stray castaway, just like me. He was mans best friend - for a little while at least.

  I worked on a rotating kitchen duty for a while. No one was ever allowed to be kept in the same work for long - no matter if you enjoyed it or not. One of the duties I had was garbage disposal. This involved pushing carts of garbage outside of the main area to where they could be picked up by the trucks. I was assigned this task for 3 weeks. (I was excited since it would mean I would be able to glimpse outside - see something new).

  I had an armed guard escort me in performing of this task. (He was a kind person and after I left we remained friends for a few years). as we go to the area there was a stray dog....still a puppy trying to scavenge some food for his hungry belly. He wagged his tail when he saw me and I smiled at him (sorry I am a tree hugger). I emptied the garbage into the outside disposal and started to push the bin back inside the gates. The dog ran up to me......and without letting the guard notice....I slipped the puppy inside of the bin I was pushing.

  Scruffy, was indeed that!!! I bathed him and got rid of some of the parasites who made his life miserable. I gave him some of my food at every meal....and his became healthy as a result. The guards, funnily enough, would all pat him and he would make them smile with his antics. He was a joy to all.

  One of the other brothers also had a dog....a female. As Scruffy grew he developed the instinct to do what all male dogs do....want female dogs!! We tried our best to keep them apart but on one occassion Scruffy and Mimi danced and were seen by one of those "taking the lead".

  "MSIL, come quick, it's Scruffy!!", called one of my cell mates. I ran down to the bathrooms. Scruffy lay bleeding from his castration...he was in a lot of pain.

  "We do it that way for all farm animals", said the brother with the knife in his hand. I lunged at him and I knocked him off his feet. His face was now bleeding fater than my poor dog's stomach. I kicked him in the ribs and by that time I was pulled off and escorted to solitary confinement (where I would spend the next week).

  I never saw Scruffy again. But about half an hour after the incident I did hear the gunshot that finally took my friend.
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  7

  Meaning - coping

  by msil in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  pick up the newspaper.. go to the obituary section.

  follow the steps below.

  step 1 ok - look at just the names (don't read the words) - just the names.

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  msil

  Intro,

  Thanks for the response. You make some very valid points. Showing emotion appropriate to a situation is key. The question comes down to "what is appropriate"? It is for this reason that one needs to learn to attach the right level/degree of meaning one has to any event.

  There are sometimes some exceptions though. Anyone who has been traumatized might learn to attach less meaning simply as a protection mechanism. It is common for people in siutations with PTSD to almost appear delusionary to reality.....while unhealthy and definitely scary...the only way to help such ones is to use mental imagery and associative pegging to areas where the meaning the person attaches is known. It's kind of like building synapses.....if that helps to explain it....we keep helping them to make new associations based on known ones....and we help them to attach meaning to the intermediary ones until we reach the desired outcome along the spectrum of the full event.

  Yeah.....I am mumbo jumbo.....but as someone who never finished high school I have had to be self-educating and never stop reading so as to understand the world around me and to understand myself.

  Using self-speak (since we all speak to oursleves internall - that is how we attach meaning to any invent though) one can actually talk oneself up or down by changing meaning. The more of the 5 senses you use to do such a thing the better you are able to shift states. Everyone does this to various degrees and to totally honest some people who understand this science are capable of using it on others and they can be very helpful to others whoi struggle with inner demons or they can be destructive.

  When such ones use this tool (by the way it is called Neuro Linguistic Programming - as is obviously evident from the name) they can help you reach balance (yeah I know it sounds fake - but its not....our reality is based on the state we are in - change that state .......by means of the associative meaning....and our reality can be changed.....perception and reality are truly the same thing in this respect.)

  I regret to say I urge extreme caution in this, some people who have tried this themselves end up "totally messed up". Also some professional practioners have their own distorted views of where the balance should be or they have their own agenda. Those with their own agenda, in my opinion, are dangerous. Without wanting to sound like some of the other demon-obsessed people I have seen here lately I define these people as "totally evil". Some of them I have found in the organization (amateur) and there are some on the board (amateur and professional) who will use this powerful tool to the detriment of others.

  HOC ETIAM TRANSIBIT

  Sincerely,
  MSIL
• 
  96

  Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories

  by msil in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).

  but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.

  it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.

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  msil

  Last one for today....

  A Taste of Freedom.

  Ever had your freedom taken away from you? There is no worse feeling in life. Dealing with death is easier for me than that feeling.

  Our cells were locked sometimes. It made no difference. Around the prison was a 20 foot metal wall....on top of that were a few miles of razor wire. Our bathrooms were in the middle of a courtyard.

  About a week into my sentence, a brother named John approached me. He was a very kind person. He gave me my first taste of freedom.

  It was about 7pm and it was getting dark outside. John went to the bathroom and climed up the bars on the outside of the building and pulled himself up on the roof and then lay down. I followed and ducked for cover on the top of the roof as well.

  "look there", John said, and pointed to the freeway on the other side of the prison wall.

  LIGHTS....Red tail lights and white headlights in rows - Traffic!!!

  As we lay there I was free. I was in the traffic. I was everyone of those drivers going home at the end of the day to be with my family! It was glorious!! Every light was a light oh hope to me. I knew that one day I would be able to go home to my family too.
• 
  96

  Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories

  by msil in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).

  but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.

  it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.

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  msil

  Blue.....he does not know the stories about "the inside". I did not want my parents to worry about me.

  Thanks for the response. I really hope that your sister will see that this is much larger than anyone gives credit for.

  Sincerely,
  MSIL
• 
  96

  Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories

  by msil in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).

  but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.

  it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  msil

  I was 16 when I went to prison.

  My second night there I was with a brother....and another one came and said they wanted to show me something. Being new and curious...I followed into the cell block. We went into a type of hallway....it was badly lit.

  As I got to the middle of the room people stepped out from the shadows...pushed a chair towards me and told me to be seated. There mus hve been 20 of them. I recognized some of them (all the "brothers" were housed together).

  As I sat down one of them came to wards me and said to me:

  "You are on trial. Sit up." Having being sentenced the day before and already in the prison I knew something was going to happen. The person then said to me: "you are charged with being green".

  "Green?" I asked.

  "Yes, Green!!" he stormed and proceeded to kick out the chair from under me sending me sprawling into the slate floor. I recognized him then. He was one of the brothers "taking the lead". He was 21, I was 16.

  "What are you doing" I asked "what's going on?"

  He said "you are found GUILTY as charged...you are Green." As he said that someone from behind me threw a blanket over my head and others pulled it down and held it fast. The blanket was wet.

  I do not know how many times I was hit that night. I was dragged over to the showers and left there....bleeding from my right eye, nose and my mouth.

  I do not reacall much more....of what happened that night.

  The next morning I was in line for food....I received my food and walked over to get a slice of bread (it was always in a separate basket). The "judge" was on the other side of the basket. He said to me: "....welcome to XXXXXXX congregation!".

  I thanked him and went to eat with the brothers. I was never able to do that to the other brothers who came in after me.
• 
  7

  Meaning - coping

  by msil in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  pick up the newspaper.. go to the obituary section.

  follow the steps below.

  step 1 ok - look at just the names (don't read the words) - just the names.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  msil

  Thanks for caring Mango.

  I appreciate your kindness...it means a lot.

  Sincerely,
  MSIL
• 
  7

  Meaning - coping

  by msil in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  pick up the newspaper.. go to the obituary section.

  follow the steps below.

  step 1 ok - look at just the names (don't read the words) - just the names.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  msil

  The past few days have been tough.....

  I have not been able to "bring down the meaning" I associate with some events lately. Some of them have been very intense....but I try hard not to close up - I always tell everyone to lean on me even though I am probably much softer inside than most.

  When you love someone you allow yourself to get hurt. Someone I love very dearly has been hurting and I have not figured out how to desensitize myself when people I love are hurting - because I don't want to. That person's pain is really bad right now and I only hope I am strong enough to be totally supporting of whatever happens. My love is not something I can "turn down" for the person - even though it might hurt me in the end. But I will be there regardless!!
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  23

  Forgiving the Governing Body

  by Derrick in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  as a baptized jehovah's witness, i have been tested over the years by those very ones who claim they are entrusted with my soul.

  i'll digress a moment to state that one strong theory that has deeply troubled me over the years, centers around their transformation over a century into a caricaturistic representation of christendom.

  (refer definition of caricature at http://www.dictionary.com/cgi-bin/dict.pl?term=caricature for clarification.).

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  msil

  I will never forgive them

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=14062&site=3
• 
  96

  Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories

  by msil in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).

  but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.

  it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  msil

  To all of you,

  Thanks so much for the support and encouragement. There are many things (upheavals) going on in my life right now some bad, some awful and some experiences I have had over the past week have been the happiest days of my life too. Perhaps its this blend which led me to post this here.

  In any event, there are questions I cannot answer - for the sake of my family. Questions like: country and how long (I will tell you it was for more than 3 years - thats all. The society can quite quickly deduce things from such information if I give it out specifically....I have met other brothers from other countries....they say I was in prison for x years....and many times I know by x where they were imprisoned).

  We spent many nights cold and hungry and some times the military would give us bad food - which made us ill...(I carried more than one brother unconcious to the hospital....as I was myself on occasion).

  We stood up to the military, we did hard time (manual labor digging trenches by hand, no luxuries, no TVs, radios, etc -just your clothes - 2 overalls) a bunch of boys (too young to really be called men) for the principles such as "My kingdom is NO PART of this world". We took our licks for it. We did so proudly and we each thought "Jehovah's Heart is rejoicing as we make our reply to the one who is taunting him". Even now my mother is able to come to terms with my inactivity as a JW by saying "it's OK. Jehovah will not forget about it." She thinks somehow I earned heaven-credit or something.... I love the angel who made me so happy.

  While I am not sure if I have it in me to kill people.....we were not allowed (by the society) to do alternate service at the time. This was subsequently amended when "new light" came out. I have discussed this before now with elders......I cannot accept the "new light" without some form of apology. Why can't they just say "the organization was wrong"? A bunch of pathetic rationalizing went on and I just looked at them and said nothing. Some of them even told me privately they understood my viewpoint on the matter.

  Now the UN thing....the hypocrisy!!! I am disgusted. If they want to DF me for it they can - then I will see them in court and I will take it to the public press all over. I am unstable right now, I am close the point where I am ready to lose everything....but then so will they.

  There are more than one of me here.
• 
  96

  Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories

  by msil in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).

  but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.

  it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  msil

  Kent,

  You and I spoke the other day.....thanks so much for all the support you have given me.

  Perhaps in time I will be able to say more. There are many reasons why I cannot be more specific.....I have not even told my wife about many of the things that happened to me in there.

  Sincerely,
  MSIL