Posts by LostSoulUK

Hi everyone, I just joined and I have been lost a long time, growing up I was a witness with my mum. I walked away when I was older, did drugs, sex, travelling all my life never stopping anywhere more than 3 months my entire life, relationship after relationship, pain and hurt after pain and hurt. I always felt like there was something missing, and tried to find what it was. Tried drugs. Drink, sex, self harm, suicide attempts. Finally I joined a Christian church and after a few years got baptised. I didn't feel any differently, if anything, I felt like a little bit of hate pain and misery put inside of me. After awhile I left and travelling more, more drugs and drink.I started thinking about 'what's out there' aliens, or God, I started thinking about other civilizations trillions and trillions of miles in space and one day we might meet them. For years I would often sit out side staring at the stars, always on the nasa website, looking for their discovery's, I'd see comets coming closer to earth passing by, I'd think about volcanoes, violence in the world, everything the Bible spoke about and slowly realised it was happening right now. But then another part of me would think about the catholics and how they played a huge part in religion over thousands of years and I often wondered if religion was created by them to control the world, I still think about that. Big bang, God, aliens, all these theories of how we came to be. I have no faith in anything and I tried hard to have faith but difficult to believe something with no physical evidence. I'm so conflicted. I prayed alot in my life and someone answered my prayers a few times and I thanked who ever it was but after awhile I'd go back to how i was before. I fought in Ukraine 🇺🇦 as a soldier (I'm British) I wanted to do something that had meaning. I went to Ukraine and after 3 weeks our base got bombed, it was terrifying. After that I came home. I made up stories to seem more like a hero, like I got shrapnel in my knee, (I didnt). I tell people i seen things over there, I'm always telling people I went and fought in Ukraine I'm proud. I abandoned a cause I believed in because I wanted to be home. I have been back about nearly 2 years and this is the first time ever I have been honest about Ukraine. I Also have now a beautiful amazing gorgeous daughter called demi-leigh, whos my world. I Haven't told a single person the truth, until now...Why you telling us? Why now? Your probably all thinking.My mum is a witness again for a few years now, always posting rapture pics or texts from the bible got annoyed after awhile. I spoke to my brother who broke down in tears over the phone saying about its time to turn back to jehovah. (He's always laughed at witnesses and spoke passionately about aliens) begging me to come back to jehovah.The weird thing is that yesterday I had a weird feeling but shrugged it off, and suddenly a few hours later I suddenly became passionate about wanting to change my life and be someone new. Me and my brother both agree that this isn't a coincidence. I'm not holy, I'm not that spiritual, I'm not that much of a nice guy, depressed, anxiety, hate for people and the world. Love to smoke hash and helps with my depression. I been looking so long for something that will fill in that piece of me that's missing, I didn't even think about religion, at least not recently. I have this feeling deep inside of me that I'm going to die soon, whether that be by the rapture, old age, heart condition or something else. I have been collecting images, videos, voice notes, and more on a memory card for my daughter, a diary that I wrote letters to her, updating her on me, her mum, her first words, her first steps etc, preparing for the day I leave this world behind, so she can see her whole life, in pics videos and through my words in her book. After speaking to my brother i feel like I need to come back, for real this time and for ever.For my brother my mum and my daughter but my daughters mum is not a beliver, and makes of fun people like that, it's not her fault she was brought up knowing a different world. I feel like I need a spiritual journey, a spiritual journey with a Indian tribe or being hypnotised or something that will allow me to look deep inside myself to discover whats missing. I really need to fill this hole. I would like to talk (and maybe meet) someone who understands all of this. I'm 35, I'm from Southampton, UK and currently live in Bristol, UK. Hope this is allowed, sorry if it isn't.

LostSoulUK

Posts by LostSoulUK

Lost aoul

LostSoulUK