Vitameatavegamin: I hate to say this so bluntly, but you are falling victim to brainwashing techniques - all you know is what has been pounded into your head day after day with NO disenting views presented to you for years. Of course you mind will fall back into 'comfortable' places, thinking the answer to all life's problems are "More meetings, more service, more confession to elders". This is because that message has been presented to you for years.
It takes time and a lot of research into OTHER views to finally free your mind of the fear that you have been programmed into. For example, if you were raised Catholic, you would fear not going to confession lest you die with sins and go to hell/purgatory. Those fears would be VERY real to you, just as real as your current fear of dying at the big 'A'. If you were raised Muslim you might fear NOT dying in battle lest you not qualify for paradise. This fear would be as real to you as your current fears. Think how fearful those men who flew planes into buildings were. They truely beleived they were going to paradise. Do YOU think they are? Why not? Because you have not been indoctrinated into that beleif system. They were.
So are you really going to think that god/jehovah/allah/whoever really cares if you go knock on doors? Of perhaps his true will is that you kill infidels. Or perhaps it that you attend Mass weekly. You interpritation of 'gods will' is being based on WHAT YOU WERE TAUGHT. You don't KNOW that it's true, it's just easy to beleive it is true since you were taught from a young age. It will take time trust me to develope the ability to think beyond the box you have drawn around yourself. But once you do the world changes, and I think for the better. No longer will you be entraped by fear everyday of your life. No more guilt trips over every little 'infraction' you do. No more living you life for others.
Do you think if there was a god who created us like we are, giving us the ability to think for ourselves, and do what we want, he desires all people to be mindless little automen? Blindly following whomever designs to rule the current religion we are belonging to?