Bro I love your letter! Thank you for writing it! It gives me hope for my family. My own son is a elder and my brother. Bro, I went through hell waking up and I have some advice for you that might be a little out of the box but I think it is the best advice I can give. I did it all wrong, I lost my wife. I have reviewed and studied what I did and what others did. I am not going to go into all of that. Here is what I would do if I was you.
If you want to get your wife to think, you cannot do it by saying anything negative about the org. They are like robots when it comes to that. JUST BE HAPPY AND POSITIVE ALL THE TIME. Like you know something she doesn't know... I would stop all meetings and be happy about it. Do other things on those nights and invite her to go along. If she goes to the meeting let her go and come back happy from wherever you go. BE HAPPY.... and you don't need to explain why, she can figure it out like you did. You got to bee cool, don't play the fool, the husband who is head of the house... that will never work. Just be cool, kind and happy for real, thats how to win this game in my book. Its a relationship and you still got to be nice and attractive. As soon as you are not nice you are unattractive. People are attracted to happy positive people who are confident. Her doubts will bother her. This takes time, be patient. It will not be easy but if you keep your cool you will win. I lost.... I did it the other way because I was angry at all of them and I gave them both barrels in text and as much proof as I could find. That don't work believe me. BE HAPPY, BE COOL, You sound like a cool guy to me and very smart!
I am happy for you!
By the way, I copied your letter and emailed it to my family! No response yet ;) Don't be like me, it doesn't work