Hi,
Thanks for reading (I'm sorry this is a little bit of a sensitive topic, though I'll try to be gentle.)
A little back story
I have been working so hard to build my faith this year, and I am finally at the point where I am beginning to trust God and I want to build an unbreakable relationship with him. I have also been studying with JW friends for the past year.
Generally I have quite old fashioned values and I'm dealing with something in my personal life that I don't know how to deal with without God's grace and guidance, and so I humbly ask you wonderful strangers for your views.
I am almost certainly falling in love with my best friend (by the way, I'm male, she's female). We have been getting really close recently - by that I mean we have a strong connection.
I think we would be really good together, we're ambitious, we agree on nearly everything, and she says she thinks more deeply about life when she's with me. However, I have my reservations. She has had...a past, shall we say. She's had a lot of previous partners and one-night encounters, and it really makes me feel that if we had a relationship it wouldn't mean anymore to her than any of the others.
I'm sure she wouldn't see things that way, she'd admit her mistakes and try to build something new. I'm struggling to get past this. As my best-friend I love her unconditionally and I forgive her past and look over it, just as she would with me. If she were to become my life-long partner, it would always bother me that she could undervalue herself so much.
Everyone makes mistakes, I know that, I've made countless myself, but I originally came from a very strict Catholic household, and so I never got the opportunity to be with anyone (if you catch my drift without sounding too vulgar). I suppose that's always stuck - self worth and purity have always been important. I'm not saying I expect my future bride to be a virgin, I accept life happens, and it would be unrealistic these days to hope she would be. But, she wasn't even in love, many were strangers.
I know we'd be great together, I just can't get past this. I don't wish to be judgemental and I can't lose her. I have prayed, consulted the Bible, and asked so many people. Most just say we live in a hook up culture and I should get over it, and maybe they're right. After all God would forgive, I just don't know. Please just give me your thoughts.
Thank you so much,
J