Hello,
I'm new here and I have some questions about joining the Air Force or not. I'm 21 years old, I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness but stopped going when I was 13 because I was a kid and thought it was boring (like school). Even after I quit going I still done things that were right or I tried to still live by what I was taught and I'm greatful that I was raised that way because it kept me out of a lot of trouble and made me who I am today. I have never done drugs, nor do I smoke and drink. The eight years that I've been away from the truth I've always felt that something was missing. No matter how happy I was with what I had, I would still find myself depressed about something. I started going back to the Kingdom Hall after my brother came here from Texas to stay with us (who used to be a Witness but is trying to get reinstated) because he convinced me that we are truly in the last days now. When I was a kid I didn't notice it nor did I care but now it's more evident and it scares me. Six months before my brother arrived I talked to an Air Force recruiter because I wanted a change in my life. I felt like I was stuck here, I screwed up in school when I was a kid and didn't care too much about going onto college so the Air Force sounded great. It promised to give me a change, a chance to be on my own, to get away from my family and their problems (my fathers drinking, mothers cheating, and younger brother with his drugs), to be a part of something with a good cause behind it, to better myself mentaly, physically, financially, and to gain confidence and pride, security, steady paycheck, free and/or cheaper things, new experiences, travel, an exciting job with responsibility. I thought I wasn't capable of doing anything else. Also, my father was in the A.F. for 9 years. I know that when given the chance and knowledge I can apply myself and be the best at it. I was going to join in Janurary but I didn't want to go straight in after being away from school for so long because I knew what they would have done with me, they would have made me a cook or stuck me with some job that I wouldn't get anywhere with. So I took some classes at the community college here and got to learn about electronics and reviewed some math that I'd forgotten. I took the ASVAB (Armed Services Vocation Applitude Battery) test in May and scored really well. I qualified for 75% of the jobs, 3 out of 4 catagories. The week after I went to MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station) and took the physical and passed that and then I had to swear in. I remember feeling really quilty when I swore in, it felt like saying the pledge of allegiance. When I was a kid I knew not to and the reason why not to. But I had to swear in because it was all part of the process. I remember saying what they told me to say but after I said it, in my mind I was mocking it and telling myself that I didn't mean it and I really didn't feel it in my heart and I still had that guilt.
After that was all finished, I chose a job from which I qualified for and they gave me a date on which I'll be leaving for basic training. The date is October 2nd and if there is a job opening before then, I have a chance to take it or wait.
Later my brother shows up and starts showing me how we're close to the end and there are signs all over telling me it's true. Japan is building up military defences and China and Russia are up to something which I can't remember right now and the U.S. is confident in thinking it's safe and that nothing will happen but I do sense something will go down. Sometimes the news would show people rioting in other countries because those people are againt world globalization and the U.N. which seems to become more prominent now, like it's stepping up and wanting to govern.
If I do decide to go, I'd have to swear in one more time to make it official. Right now I'm in the DEP (Delayed Entry Program) and waiting for my job to open up. It would give me a chance to get on with my life and I'll have a great job and a fun one at that. I'll be a Tactical Aircraft Maintenance Mechanic and a Crew Cheif. I'll be in charge of at least five other people and it would be something I've always wanted to do, be a team leader and work on things with my hands.
BUT, in my heart it doesn't feel right. The last time I spoke with my recruiter I told him that my job would not be too different from the one whose job it is to make the shells for bullets. He may not be the guy who pulls the trigger and sends the bullet into the other man but is he not just as guilty since he is contributing? I would feel horrible knowing that my job is to keep jets in the air so that they can bomb someone else. The recruiter tells me the A.F. is not some giant "killing machine" and that it also does peace keeping missions as well. True, but the way the world works is that in order to gain peace it must destroy something first or intimidate. That still doesn't feel right.
The reason I want to stay is mainly not to anger Jehovah nor would I want to go against him in anyway. I feel that joining the Air Force is the same as joining Satans side since, after all, it is part of the world and part of a man-made government. Also, I want to stay for my family. Instead of running from the problems here I need to help them, not just with payments like I've been doing but I need to get my father to quit drinking, my mother to ditch her boyfriend and get reinstated, younger brother to quit doing drugs, plus, he doesn't want me to leave. I don't trust politicians. Even the recruiter was telling me ways to cheat on the ASVAB and lie when I go to the MEPS just so I won't get disquilified for anything. I had nothing to lie about anyway but still, this is at the recruiter level and already I'm being taught how to cheat and lie. Also I have a problem with conforming. My whole life basically I've been a loner, I've never followed trends nor did I do what the other kids have done. I liked individual sports and took up boxing in 10th grade but eventually quit. I didn't care too much for team sports, I had problems following. I used to think it was a bad thing until a co-worker whose older than I am said to me that those who don't follow, lead. Which is true because back in highschool I was 19 while a few students were not much older than 17 (it took me 5 years to graduate), instead of being a bad bully and picking on weaker kids, I was sort of a good bully because I stood up for the weaker kids and picked on the bad bullies. I stuck up for my younger brother all the time since he was a freshmen.
Back to what I was getting at. If I don't join the Air Force, my life would be back to how it's been. I'll still be living at home with a crummy job, living in the same area and being pretty much miserable and not really applying myself. I spent too much time and money preparing myself for the service too. It would be throwing all that away if I don't go. Is there anyway I can do both things? Would Jehovah be upset if I go ahead and join or would he understand and forgive me if I do? I've heard things about Bethal but what would I have to do to get in there? Would it give me the same things the A.F. can? I don't know what to do. I feel if I stay then nothing would change, my life would go nowhere. Would Jehovah see what I gave up and somehow give me something close to it?
I sometimes feel that since it is only four years that I can do that and then comeback and continue being a witness. Contrary to that, I feel that the end may come and that if I do join, I won't be in the new system. I feel I'm really making a life and death situation. In order for me to live later and forever I must give up what could have been a good life now. I feel that this is how I'm being tested and that Satan has tried all else and knows he can't win with me by doing anything else. Like I mentioned earlier I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, nor do I fornicate or do other immoral things. I always felt that since this is who I am, I may as well be a witness again. How long does it take usually for one to get baptized? I want to get baptized but how would I go about having it done?
The recruiter went on vacation for a month and he didn't know I changed my mind until just before he left. He was pretty shocked. It doesn't make since to him the reasons why I don't want to join now. Sometimes it doesn't make since to me as well, but it feels like the right thing to do, also the best thing. He wants me to make a list of the reasons why I wanted to join the A.F. and now why all of a sudden I've changed my mind. Everytime I think about the reasons why not to, I always feel that, yes, they are good reasons and it will please Jehovah, but, like I said, my life will remain stagnant and that I would constantly be wishing for the new system to hurry up and come, and for Jehovah to hurry up and get it over with because what else could Satan possibly do to make this world any worse than what it has already become?
I appreciate any input at all from anyone who cares to respond, it would help me immensely with the decision I have to make and I ask for no one to decide for me because that would be something I'd have to do on my own. Thank you!