Hi everyone. Thank you for responding to my post. I agree that this is going to be a very long process. It has been months already and I still feel I am not ready. I am attempting to just try to be normal with my family. I am even seeing a therapist. She has helped me to confront all of this. I realized almost two years ago that I needed to get an education and am still attending college. I raised a lot of eyebrows at Kh when I decided to go to school. But I just figured out that these people aren’t paying my bills and I had to do something to get out of my financial rut. I have only recently learned about the term PIMO. I hate to be living that way. I don’t want to waste too much of my life on staying in and trying to please everyone. It’s just so hard to leave family behind. I have made it a point to read the Bible all over again and see what I get out of it. I still believe in God I’m just at a loss with what comes next. I wouldn’t even want to go to another church. It’s seems like it’s all crap. I don’t have the desire to celebrate holidays or birthdays, I could care less about those things. Also, the death of my husband weighs heavy on me. I think of being wrong about leaving and the resurrection or afterlife or whatever it is. It makes me wonder is there really something else or was this really it. So many things to think of and to do very slowly. I have realized what a long process this will be.
Thank you all for letting me vent. Its hard to find people who understand what this is like.