Welcome longgone
I know exactly where you're coming from. I too am a 3rd generation born in. Fading is possible but you need to take it slow and not make any big movements - in the sense of suddenly celebrating Christmas openly, birthdays etc.
I know of lots of people who faded successfully by not turning up to the hall and when questioned just said something like "im going through some personal issues right now" and leaving it there. Dont agree to any elders visits, dont tell any JW or friend/family of a JW what you're thinking. JW's (as we all know) are superb at spreading gossip even though their own mags condemn it.
I wouldn't feel too bad on your family either. Think of it as North Korea. This organization is very much like a dictatorship were defectors are punished. To escape you cant trust anyone (JW). They may mean well by ratting you out to elders sincerely thinking theyre "saving you from armageddon".
Feel free to PM me, and by all means post on here often so we can help.