Ok midnight. I'm glad you're at least making an informed decision. But please be aware that Jehovah's direction to the Israelites, to Moses, to Abraham, to Noah, to Enoch etc was always very clear. Why would he suddenly become so vague in his messages to his people (allegedly the Jehovah's Witnesses)?
Also remember that your life will no longer be your own, you'll be under the scrutiny of elders (non trained in theology or counseling) and Watchtowers ever changing doctrine that will flip flop as this organization goes on.
Your very first post says:
i find life hard facing up to mortality etc not having the new system hope
Mortality is something that is not nice to think about. But just because we want to go on living with our loved ones doesn't mean we will. Nor does it mean that the witnesses have "the truth". I implore you to read the bible on its own first, or even look into eastern theology and philosophy before rushing into anything. May i suggest philosopher Alan Watts? His lectures are on YouTube and are quite thought provoking.
All that aside. I wish you well. Sincerely.