I mailed the below letter to my mother a few weeks ago. I did share it on the ex-JW Facebook group but thought i'd post it here.
Basically, she's shunned me since day 1, has little or nothing to do with my 3yo daughter and told my sister "i hope <my daughter> becomes a JW when she's older so i can welcome her into the family". Well, that was the last straw for me.
I wanted to set the record straight, leave it on a high note and highlight how happy i am. I dont miss her, i dont miss my former-family or former-religion. Notice that i used her first name and not "mum". She's no mother to me. She ever really way. The cult always came first.
Dear Irene
This is the last you’ll likely hear
from me so I wanted to write to you and leave it on a good note. It’s been just
over a year since I last spoke to you. I did see you in McDonalds with Danny but
decided not to speak to either of you because I know your religion doesn’t
allow it.
I hope you are well, and the rest of
your family. Ben has been ringing me almost on a daily basis since I left the
witnesses but I’ve recently requested him not to contact me anymore. The same
goes for Liz and Danny. I haven’t heard from Becky since day one. I hope the kids
are well too. They must have changed lots since I last seen them.
I’ve had a very good year. It’s not
always easy navigating the real world after leaving a high control group, and I
had very few friends who were non JW. But that wasn’t so bad because I didn’t
have any JW friends even when I was in! ha. I’ve been to Holland twice, Germany,
Belgium and various parts of this country visiting other exJWs and I have a new
family made up of exJWs from all around Europe. So I’m ok. I’m good. I don’t
know if you were concerned (or even bothered) but I wanted to put that out
there to you just in case. I’m part of a support group here in the North West that helps people
recovering from cults and helps them leave. There’s some really messed up
people out there. Former Mormons, Christadelphians, Moonies, Worldwide Church
Of God and Jehovah’s Witnesses. Some JW’s I remember from parties I’ve been to
with Becky and Liz have contacted me and asked for help. I give talks now to
victims of the Watchtower Society. People who were molested by elders who were
protected by Watchtower, parents who have kicked their teenage children (under
18) out of their house, parents who have let their babies die for want of a
blood transfusion only to learn later that their child could have had it if the
elders didn’t intimidate them and threatened them with shunning. There’s at least
one apostate on Liz’s Facebook that she has no idea is trying to leave. Two on
Ryans.
The Family
I know you do what you do because you
think it’s what god wants and that’s ok. I hold no resentment or ill feelings
towards you or any of the family. That’s why I’ve cut off all contact with Ben,
Liz and Dan. You want to shun me so I will respect your decision. But I did try
to give you all a chance first, I would hate to think my old family were
telling people “Mark broke up the family” when in fact I’ve tried to include
you in it. I have no intention of drawing you away from a faith that you’re
happy in. Dan recently told me he didn’t want to go anymore and invited me to
his. I did go but I refused to discuss religion with him. I was concerned a the state of his apartment and the way he is living. That
boy needs his finances sorted. I was planning on helping him with that but,
seeing as you’ve probably had a talk to him about me it’s not likely I’ll be
seeing him again. I don’t regard losing a family as a loss. I hardly seen you
all as it was, I never had any of you to rely on or to support me when I needed
it. I was almost homeless in 2016 and you all did nothing. If it wasn’t for
“worldly” people who helped me find a place to live Id’ve been living in a
hostel. But again, I don’t hold that against you. You do as a magazine tells
you and that’s what you think is the right thing to do. No harm done in the
end.
For a time it did irk me that Celine,
Sophie, Ben _____ and Laura _____ still have a very close and loving
relationship with their mother. I know Celine, Sophie and Laura aren’t
disfellowshipped, but according to the elders guidebook they should be being
shunned – im glad they’re not – but it’s strange don’t you think? Their mothers
love is so strong that their natural affection wins out. According to the
elders guidebook Shepherd The Flock Of
God, page 116 paragraph 6:
So you see, nothing would have happened even
if you did have any association with me. And, it’s against the law (and human
rights) for a religion to command it’s members to shun family. That’s why the
clause is there in the elders book. Of course, the average congregation member
wouldn’t know this because you’re not allowed to own or read their guidebook. I
have a copy of the elders guidebook and the circuit overseer guidebook. How
nice to see that this isn’t a secretive religion with information hidden from
its members.
Me
But you should know that I would have
returned to the witnesses if I wasn’t being shunned by my family. I think you
all would have encouraged me to go to the meetings. But being shunned for not
having the same beliefs just made me see how very similar it is to a cult. Scientologists
do the same thing. Anyone who leaves for any reason is “disconnected”. In fact,
it’s one of the hallmarks of a cult. I wouldn’t want to be a part of it. And I
certainly wouldn’t want to be a part of something which could one day tell me
to shun Erin. As far as I know, there’s nothing more natural than a mothers
love for her child. I think the bible calls this “natural affection”. Any
religion that would distort natural affection and sever that bond is not worthy
of my time and certainly has no business calling itself Christian. I can’t
think of a scripture where Jesus shunned or told people to. And I’ve read the
bible in its entirety twice since leaving and I know Paul didn’t use the word
shun or disfellowship. Reading the bible on it’s own there’s no way I would
come out with 1914, shunning, blood transfusions or birthdays – unless there
was a magazine to accompany it. But I don’t think the bible was intended to
have magazines accompanying it. But regardless, I don’t believe the bible so it
doesn’t matter to me.
My Rejection Of God
So please understand that I won’t be
returning, not because I’m bitter or upset, but because I don’t believe in any god. And even if I did I certainly don’t
believe it would be Jehovah. And even if it was Jehovah I’d still reject him for the terrible things he’s done. I
seem to have higher morals and appear to be more forgiving than him. So I
wouldn’t regard him as worthy of my attention. For me, harming a child is the
worst thing anyone could do. Jehovah killed the firstborn Egyptians after he
himself hardened Pharaoh’s heart. He also commanded the Israelites to slaughter
the Canaanites and their children. Then later he commanded them slaughter
Babylonian children, babies and even pregnant women. (Isaiah 13:16, 18) Even
going so far as letting the Israelites rape the women. (Zechariah 14:1-2)
(Jeremiah 51:22)
Is this the kind of god I’d want to be
associated with? No! So before any of you wish to speak to me you’d need to
explain to me how infanticide, genocide and rape is ever acceptable.
I was raised in a high control
religion that forbid studying any other religion, of researching it’s own
history, of questioning it’s governing body and not allowed to mix with non
members. So it was inevitable that I’d join myself when I got older. I have JF
Rutherford to thank for making me stop believing the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I
read all of his books. Not one of them is ever quoted or mentioned in the
Watchtower anymore. Here is “gods mouthpiece on earth” telling me:
That the prophets would be resurrected
on earth in 1925:
"Therefore we may confidently expect that
1925 will mark the return of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and the faithful prophets of
old, particularly those named by the Apostle in Hebrews chapter eleven, to the
condition of human perfection" (Millions Now Living Will Never Die, pp.
89-90).
That Armageddon would arrive in 1942:
"Receiving the gift (the book Children),
the marching children clasped it to them, not a toy or plaything for idle
pleasure, but the Lord's provided instrument for most effective work in the remaining months before
Armageddon." (Watchtower 1941 Sep 15 p.288)
So either Rutherford wasn’t being lead
by holy spirit, or Jehovah fed him lies, or he was making it up as he went
along.
Better Things
But let’s talk of better things. I
wanted to leave you with my happiest memories. That surprise day when you got
me Crash Dummies (remember them?!), the time I was collecting a magazine called
“Bugs” and you came home from shopping in Kirkby town centre with issue 5 for
me (I don’t remember why that sticks in my head but it does). Walking you down
the aisle. The holiday in Cyprus. And when you visited Rachel despite her being
disfellowshipped when Erin was first born. That was really nice of you and
Rachel appreciated it a lot.
Rachel and I are fine. We get on a lot
better than when we were married. You know I was so stressed when I was with
her, what with dealing with OCD and having to fix problems all the time. And
going to yours and feeling I needed to leave early all the time. But things are
miles better now we’re separated.
I’m so much happier now, I have Erin
and I have freedom. And there’s no reason in the world why I would ever have to
shun her. And even if there was I still wouldn’t. You see, I love Erin. More
than the idea of living forever, more than god (even if he did exist). I would happily
die in Armageddon just to see her. That, to me, I real love and I do love her
and she knows. Why would I want to live forever without her?
So that’s it. I hope you and Dave have
many long and happy years together. As for the rest of the family, I’m sure
more of them will leave the witnesses as the years roll on. When they do,
please tell them to still not contact me. They can go on JWFacts.com or
Jehovahs-Witness.com for support. Not to me. I’m declaring myself no longer
part of your family. So I will leave you with the same words I said to Dan and
Liz. “Be happy”. Seriously. We’re in this world until we die, so we might as
well spend it being happy and loving one another than doing as we’re told from
a magazine publishing company that changes it’s mind every couple of years. (I
hear the JWs are baptizing children now?). The religion has changed so much in
just the year since I left. I see JW.org everywhere. When I was little, we
prided ourselves on not having a symbol like Christendom does. But, whatever, I
don’t believe it anyway and it’ll probably not exist in another 50 years.
I love you (no matter what religion
you are).
Be happy
Mark
