I can relate to what you're saying, as im sure many on here can too. A few things to remember:
- You don't have to rush it. I was planning to fade out over a matter of years. You don't have to inform everyone that you're leaving and suddenly drop all attendance and ministry. Unless of course you want to. Different situations call for different tactics.
- There are many, MANY PIMO's in the JWs. You just don't know of them because they're keeping it private like you are. And you know how scary it is to speak out. I know of at least one apostate in my old congregation who, like yourself, feels he can never leave because his wife, kids and entire social structure is JW. And i can name about 6 in that hall who don't believe it but just go along because they have to.
- It's likely that, in years to come, friends and family you have will be DF'd or leave themselves. When that happens they'll be looking for someone on the outside that they can come to for support. That could be you!
If I were you i'd slowly reduce your ministry and miss the odd meeting. If people ask say you're going through depression or anxiety. Refuse elders visits and where possible talk about the bible and how wonderful the bible is - bible, bible, bible.
Keep us posted, we'll support you on here where we can.